I Made a Promise With No Intention of Keeping It

I didn’t want to make a promise I wouldn’t keep. I try to avoid that kind of thing whenever possible. Some people just don’t give you any choice though.

I was walking home from the grocery store and a guy came up behind me and asked me if there was a school in the area. I named a couple of schools and none of those were the ones he was looking for (he never did specify what school he was looking for or why) but he did take the time to compliment me on my voice. He then proceeded to tell me I was very pretty and obviously smart and he asked me if I would go out for coffee with him. I told him I wasn’t interested but he kept pushing, saying it wouldn’t hurt anything for me to go out with him for a drink or something. I told him that I have a boyfriend and he said, “Hey, we can just hang out as friends, right?” After several minutes of the back and forth exchange of me telling him I didn’t want to go out with him and him insisting that I should go out with him anyway I finally told him I would call him as he thrust his phone number into my hand.

When I came home I threw his phone number in the trash. Why in the world did this guy insist on me taking his information? Why wouldn’t he just walk away when I told him no? Now he is going to be sitting around waiting for me to call him and here in about 3 or 4 days he is going to be bitching to his friends about how he keeps meeting women and thinking that they are interested and how they never call him like they say they will. Guys, would you want to go out with a woman that you had to badger into taking your phone number? How big of a hint do you need to know that a woman isn’t interested?

Exactly how many minutes ago did you fall off the turnip truck? :rolleyes: :confused:

You see, I’m the total opposite type of guy. If you gave me your number and said 'Call me when you want to have sex." I would still wonder if you were interested in me.
So I can’t help you.

Are you me?

Is it bothering you that you made a promise you didn’t intend to keep?

This isn’t about anyone else but you.

That’s not a broken promise, that’s just patronizing some creepy stranger that probably went home, took a dump and whacked off dreaming of who he’s going to harass the next day.

He’s like the spam of people, and you just sent him to your junk box. Sleep well.

So he could proposition a student?

I’d be worried for your safety if you acted any other way.
BTW: the guy never was looking for any school in the first place.

Get out of my mind!

Seriously though, cmyk’s appraisal of the situation is the best one. Besides, an agreement made under duress (and I’d say that was exactly what the situation was) isn’t binding.

My first thought. Asking for a school is the weirdest pickup line ever. “Hey, sweetie, I am normally into molesting children but you look small and skinny enough that I could pretend you are one. Have my number”.

He was applying Pick Up Artist[sup]TM[/sup] techniques in order to “close” you (I’ve been watching Mystery’s show again). And he was using them badly.

Let’s analyze.
First, the “where is the school” line is what is called an “indirect open”. Basically he is striking up a conversation with you under the guise of it being a casual conversation. A direct open would be “I think you’re pretty, would you like to get some coffee.” Guys will sometimes use indirect opens because many women have a sort of automatic defense against being hit on. Some girls get hit on a lot and it sort of becomes like those annoying douches in Times Square handing out coupons for comedy tickets. At first you’re like “no thanks” then “fuck off” then you just tune out. Of course, “where is the school” is a terible opener since it has connotations of “where do the high school girls hang out?”

Next he is complementing you physical attributes. This is also a mistake because you really have no control over how pretty you are or how nice your voice is. A better line would be to complement you on your top or your shoes or your hair or something that reflects your tastes.

Also, it sounds like he didn’t effectively make use of “negs” - teasing backhanded compliments designed to qualify you by creating seeds of doubt in your mind.

Telling him you aren’t interested and that you have a boyfriend are clear IOD - Indicators of Disinterest. In fact it doesn’t get any clearer than “I am NOT INTERESTED and I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.” So at that point he should really move on.

And giving you his number just reeks of desperation. You either exchange numbers or he should get yours so he has the ability to call you.
Anyhow, sounds like a clumsy pickup routine to me. But since you took his number, you are legally obligated to sleep with him. Sorry.

Can I ask a question? What’s so hard about saying, “I’m not interested, leave me alone” and walking away?

This is exactly what I was going to say. Right now, popular culture is on this wave of “confidence is everything.” Who the fuck with any self-respect would behave like this? I don’t know, but Donald Trump doesn’t seem to be lacking in aspiring apprentices. Fatuous blather is what we as a society value.

I’m not presuming to speak for pbbth, but many women are taught from a young age to always be polite, to not make a scene, to cave in to whatever. Be ladylike, be kind to strangers. If you tell a guy to leave you alone, and he starts asking why you’re being uptight or a bitch, he’s just talking to you, what’s the harm in talking, and you start doubting yourself.

pbbth, as the others said, you didn’t make a promise.

Except, erm, isn’t pbbth the lovely curvaceous lady with the big boobies??? :smiley:

So when are you going to call me already?

I think msmith537 covered the whole hitting on aspect much better than I could have; still, I want to address the questions. You want to know why some guys are persistent like this? Because it works. He got you to take his number, didn’t he?

Sure, you’re not going to call him, but he’s not expecting that. I think the spam comparison is fair. Why do we get spam e-mails for obviously bogus products? Because it costs virtually nothing and people actually do buy that stuff. Someone with less self-respect than you very well may have been convinced to give him her number, or felt compelled to call him. Hell, you had no intention of calling him, but it seems if even you have some nagging thought about it, that it’s possible someone else might have felt obligated to call him, or talk to him when he called, or even go out with him, and then it’s just an endless cycle of obligation until she’s knee deep in a bad relationship.

My advice is, don’t give it another thought. I seriously doubt that he’s too broken up about that, since he probably expects a fairly low return on that sort of approach. Instead, just take it as a mild complement that he was clearly hitting on you.

But it doesn’t work, does it? We have to assume his purpose was to get her to go out with him. She’s not going to call him though so it clearly failed. It doesn’t even give him the oportunity to follow up with her to try again.

But you are correct, it is a low return on investment approach. So maybe he gives out 10-50 numbers a day, depending on location and traffic. The 1% that actually call him back are essentially “qualified leads”.

No, his purpose is to get some percentage of the women he does this with to call him back, and some percentage of the women who call him back to go out with him.

It’s not a clear failure at all. It doesn’t matter whether he is successful in getting pbbth to go out with him. It just matters that, eventually, somebody goes out with him.

Who was it who said of propositioning everyone they met something like, “Sure, you get your face slapped a lot, but then, you get laid a lot, too?”