Once upon a time, there were two clams named Sam and Pam. From the second they saw each other they knew they were meant to be together. Sam and Pam’s marriage was envied by all and they lived happily into old age, and died within a week of each other.
Now, Pam was a pious and devout clam, and when she died she went to heaven. Sam, on the other hand, was a rather bad clam, and when he died he was sent to hell. Up in heaven, Pam was distraught over being without Sam for the first time in years. She cried and cried, and it seemed as if nothing could ease her pain. Finally, God came up to her and gave her a harp. “Maybe if you learned the harp, it would take your mind off of Sam” he said, and Pam agreed. Pam invested all of her energy into playing the harp, and soon became the best harp player that heaven had ever seen. All of the angels clamored to hear Pam play the harp, and Pam often played for God himself.
Down in hell, Sam the clam was equally distraught over losing the love of his life, Pam. He moped and moped, bringing down the mood of everyone around him. It got so bad that it got the attention of the Devil, who went over to talk to Sam. “Isn’t there anything you’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance to?” the Devil asked. Sam replied that he had always wanted to run a bar, and the Devil said he would give him all the tools necessary to start his bar. Sam’s Discotheque, as it was known, became into the hottest joint in hell, and demons from all over would come there to party.
One day in heaven, Pam was playing the harp for God when all of a sudden she burst into tears. When God asked her what was wrong, she replied that she still missed Sam Clam so much, she was filled with pain and sorrow. God told her that he’d arrange a visit between Pam and Sam, and at the thought of that notion Pam’s face brightened like the morning sun. Connections were made, and it was decided that Pam would be allowed to visit Sam in hell for 24 hours.
Pam took a portal down to hell, and before she left God warned her that the portal would close permanently in 24 hours, so she had to be back before then. Pam entered the portal and when she reached hell, she saw Sam waiting there for her. They both started crying and embraced each other for what felt like hours. Sam gave Pam the grand tour of hell, culminating with a visit to Sam’s Discotheque. When they got there, Pam took out her harp and started playing, and the music was so beautiful that even the most hardened and cruel demons burst into tears. Pam and Sam spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms, but all too soon their time was up and Pam rushed back to the portal just in time.
When Pam got back to heaven, the second she stepped out of the portal she started crying again. “What’s wrong?” asked God.
“I left my harp in Sam Clam’s Disco!”
budum-ching!