I may be dumping my most beloved sister (long, rambling, depressing)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

{{{Skald the Rhymer}}}

I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I agree with some of the others that you need to set boundaries with you sister - even if she did what she did out of love for you it was a tremendous breach of trust. It might be best if you stay away from her for a while. Maybe if she comes to understand that her behavior is going to risk losing her brother she will back off. I say maybe, because I have dealt with “Christians” of that type before and they often believe nothing is going too far if it “saves someone’s soul”. I’m afraid the intolerance of that type of person is one of the reasons I rejected Christianity.

I hope time will bring you peace. It took a long time when I lost my mom - and almost 20 years later I still miss her - but knowing she is at peace and no longer suffering helps a lot. I hope it will do the same for you.

22

OK, so what happened to “thou shalt not steal”? I’m not even going into other things like “don’t judge and you won’t be judged” or “love thy neighbor as you love thyself” (apologies if the words aren’t exact).

Like ivylass said, at this point you need a break. How long it lasts will be a different question; whether your sister will ever see that she’s burning you at the stake to save your soul and that this is wrong is a third. I hope that the answer to the second is “not too much” and to the third “yes”; I’ve seen things go both ways.

I may be mixing stories, but is Beth this girl who was a lot younger than (you I think) and very much the “agressor”?

23

Everyone’s younger than me. I’m one of those Ainur who fellowed Melkor. I thought THAT was obvious. :wink:

Yeah, that’s Beth. She’s aggressive in some ways, surprisingly timid in others. She finds my sister a lot more intimidating than she finds me, lemme tell you. Why, she even mocks my plans for world conquest!

24

I am guessing that her religious indoctrination is so profound that she was literally being absolutely honest with you about her fears for your soul. There is no way any ultimatums from you about non-interference will overcome the very foundations of her beliefs. I don’t recommend you waste your time trying. Look up fervor in the dictionary and see if her picture isn’t on that page. You will have to make up your mind whether or not you can have a relationship under the circumstances. JMHO YMMV

25

You and fellow Doper Eonwe probably don’t get along very well, do you?

26

I think you should forgive your sister, only because holding such negative emotions inside of you is unhealthy IMO.

As for becoming buds with her again, that’s different. That involves a long conversation about boundaries, many apologies, and a lot of effort on Lindy’s part to change for the better.

27

I did my obeisance to Manwe are required, and anybody who says I was insincere is going to find himself being attacked by bees.

28

Hey, as long as you keep hooking us up with these sweet-ass rings, you’re OK by us. What was that name again? Annatar or something?

29

Aren’t you supposed to be opening all your doors and windows? Do you really want the bees hanging around your neighborhood all day, venting their boredom on innocents while they wait for you?

I’m quite sure you’re right. She’d say that she doesn’t play about God. And she doesn’t see the logical problem in trying to convince someone who doesn’t believe in a literal interpretation of the Bible that he’s going to go to Hell if he doesn’t start believing that the Bible is literally true, based her arguments on a literal interpretation of the Bible.

(You don’t know how many times I’ve restrained myself from asking her why she isn’t working harder to get into Valhalla.)

Well, I actually do understand her concern for my soul. If you believe in a literal, physical hell AND free will, her course of action is perfectly reasonable. If I thought she were on a disasterous course–becoming addicted to heroin, say – I might invade her privacy thus too.

But I am still mightily pissed. Understanding =/ acceptance =/ forgiveness.

30

There’s one thing I’m a little fuzzy on. What did she expect to find in your letter? Some 11th hour admission to your mother that you’re a closet Satanist or something?

31

His beliefs. Which is what she found.

32

I have no idea. I was concentrating on not strangling her.

33

If you had a time machine, you could have gone back, dumped a rounded tablespoon of cornstarch into the envelope, and added at the bottom of the letter:

P.S. - Sorry about the anthrax powder, but I think my sister is going to try and snatch this letter. Rest in peace, ma!

34

I love it. Baseness and hatred in the name of religious superiority. It is her soul in trouble.

35

Dude, had I a time machine, you’d know it from all the dinosaurs stampeding around the world’s capitals as a precursor my conquest of Earth.

36

WHAT A…GRRRRRRR. This is pissing me off to no end. Someone thinks it’s Ok to get between a son and his letter to his dead mother? I would have ripped her a new one and I am fairly calm and placid these days. The nerve!
I’m sorry, I can’t see that much reason why you would be sad about losing a sister like that.

37

That is so sig-worthy.

38

Wow. That’s some fucked up behavior. That said (and I hate to harken back to Ann Fucking Landers), are you better off with her in your life or not? You may need some time to think about that. If you’re better off without her, cut the cord. If you feel she’s mostly a good part of your life, you need to find a way to forgive her and protect yourself from future invasion. Good luck.

39

My children slipped something into my FIL’s (whatever) so it was cremated with him. For someone to interfere with that…boggles the mind. I can completely understand your fury. And your sister’s lack of remorse makes it doubly painful. She thinks she did nothing wrong.

40

I have a question about Pastor Bobby, who before this incident was one of the ministers of her church that you could stand. Your story doesn’t make clear (and you may not know) whether your sister’s discussion with him about the contents of the letter included the circumstances of her acquisition of it. In fact, I doubt that she told him that she took it from the casket after you specifically told her she wasn’t to see it, and the depth of betrayal that was.

Assuming that he didn’t know the circumstances, I wonder if it would be helpful for eventual reconciliation – or at least as an additional channel to convey how intensely you have been hurt – to discuss the matter with Pastor Bobby. If it is possible with him, you can go through how much your sister’s conduct was a breach of trust and challenge him on whether that is consistent with his view of proper moral conduct. Unless he seems to share your sister’s view (or at least self-justification) that anything is permissible in an effort to save another’s soul (even at the expense of one’s own), you can ask him to talk with your sister about it.

Good luck.