[QUOTE=tdn]
Sleeps with Butterflies, maybe we can stop being hostile to each other. I really have no beef with you. You obviously have a problem with me, and I’m OK with that. What I’m not OK with is accepting second class behavior from anyone, and that includes myself. Let’s just stop with the bullshit, OK?
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I don’t know you, so it isn’t a problem with YOU personally. It just seems that you have posted about behaviors that I’ve dealt with before.
I don’t have the desire to to use the search function to find lots of instances, so I’ll just mention one. I recall a thread where you talked about finding an ID badge on the street. You contacted the girl and arranged to meet her to return the badge. That was kind of you. Afterwards you came online and talked about how you were thinking of calling her to arrange a date because she was pleasant to you when you returned the badge.
As a woman I find those types of situations very frustrating. I’d like to think that if I lost my ID badge I could retrieve it without being called afterwards just because I’d given my phone # just so we could arrange a pickup time. It’s like for many men, every situation is an opportunity to find a date.
I can also remember reading about you trying to flirt with a woman who lives in your building because you’d spoken before and she seemed friendly.
I was raised to be polite. I smile and speak when spoken to. Sometimes (and I’m not specifically gearing this at just you) men will take any opportunity to see this as flirting. At the grocery store, at the gas station, at the pharmacy, at the mall. It seems like if we’re there and not scowling, there’s a guy who thinks it’s a green light to try to get a phone number.
I realize the old saying “Nothing ventured, nothing gained” is true, but not all men read the signs when we’re not interested. Have you ever had someone follow you around the grocery store trying to talk when you’re shopping? How about a neighbor that would practically pounce on you if they could catch you outside? For some people a smile and a “no thank you” just isn’t enough. They keep at it. It’s frustrating when you have to be pushed into bitch mode and hurt their feelings.
Being forward and being pushy, it’s a fine line. The OP was interested and got her number. He called and she was supposed to call back, she didn’t. It’s been weeks. He is saying “It’s not going to work.” because he’s read the signs. Enter a few men who are telling him to try again. Why? He’s trying to be respectful, but he’s being given advice to be pushy.
[QUOTE=tdn]
::snip:: Then one day, I had an epiphany that maybe things don’t have to be like that. I brought my ideas to the board, and that’s when the board started to respond that I was being jerkish, creepy, loserish, whatever.
I assure you that I’m not like that in real life. I was just expressing my unfiltered thoughts in what I thought was a safe environment. Wow, was I ever wrong.
[/QUOTE]
When you post to a messageboard, you get people’s reactions. We all bring our life experiences with us here. If you’re posting about a woman and your interactions with her, we’re going to give you our opinions based on our own experiences. We’re not always going to agree and we assume the OP wants us to give our truthful response.
[QUOTE=tdn]
I was also wrong in assuming that this is a good environment for getting dating advice. It very much is not. While there are some gems, they usually come down to these two points:
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Everything that anyone does, ever, at any time, is creepy. The board seems to be obsessed with this. Everyone here seems to kind of see the world in terms of nothing but degrees of creepiness.
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No one, at any time, is really into anyone else. If you think otherwise, refer back to rule one.
[/QUOTE]
I agree that the word creepy is thrown around too easily here. Not everything is creepy. I’ll also agree this is a bad place for relationship advice. Sometimes people are too quick to jump in and say “Don’t do it!” but then sometimes people find encouragement based on nothing. Look at the thread about the guy who thinks his co-worker has the hots for him because when leaning down to show him something her breast has grazed him and she gave him a “great” smile when she met him. I’m only a B cup so I doubt I’d be grazing against anyone, but it sure makes me hesitant to smile if it’s that easy to give some guys the idea you’re interested.
[QUOTE=tdn]
The ideas of “whatever you do is creepy” and “she’s just not into you” are so alien to me at this point that they just don’t make any sense. They are not even specks in my current reality.
[/QUOTE]
See, this last quote is odd to me. I don’t care WHO you are, what you look like, or what you have to offer … there are going to be people who are just not into you. That thought is alien to you? I’ve been called vain before, but I can’t IMAGINE having that mindset. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, it’s pretty preposterous to think that every man I meet is going to be into me.
The mindset of that being alien to you makes me wonder (along with some of the statements I’ve read from you) if maybe you’re not always reading the signs from women. I promise you, even Brad Pitt/George Clooney/Johnny Depp/insert-hot-man-of-choice have women who are not into them. Are you so different?