No offense, but with that attitude, it will be.
Come on, Red, Call her! Ask her when her next race is, and say you will be there. After the race, offer to buy her a drink. She will probably bring friends along, and everyone will have fun, and she will get over her obvious shyness about going out with you.
Yeah…I don’t know, this seems more desperate than anything. I mean, I already called her, she gave me a lame excuse and didn’t offer a follow-up time or anything, then capped it off by never calling me back.
None taken. I’m just not keen on putting myself on the line more than I have to (particularly when it seems every damn time it ends the same way), and I’ve already gone out of my way for this girl more than I would have liked to.
Egads, this thread is frustrating. It is so me a year ago.
Absolutely. “Am I as pathetic as I think I am?” Yes. Yes you are. You are every bit as pathetic as you think you are. So stop thinking you are.
You’ve had to progress up to asking women about touching their eyeballs, then?
He’s already said a couple of times now that he doesn’t want to, why do you want to push him to do something he’s uncomfortable with?
Plus, between your responses here and in just about any other dating/“does she like me?”/or “is this flirting?” thread on here I have to wonder… is this pushy tactic one that you use with women?
I certainly don’t want him to go too far outside of his comfort zone. But I see a lot of negativity and future prediction that really doesn’t need to be there. I see a different reality going on here.
Calling her is pushy? Since when?
But yeah, it’s a tactic I use. If a woman agrees to go out with me and gives me her e-mail, I will send her a message.
Sorry, I wasn’t clear. I don’t mean the calling is pushy, I meant that the OP has said a couple of times now that he doesn’t want to try again yet you’re pushing him to try again. I’m wondering how many times a woman has to say no without getting a push back from you.
I see what you’re saying. You’re accusing me of being a pushy jerk. Let’s look at this again and see where you went off track.
I posted once that he still had an opportunity to call. I didn’t push him into anything, I just made a suggestion, and hopefully with a tone of encouragement.
In my own life, I’ll keep contacting a woman as long as she returns the contact and indicates that I’m welcome to continue. Usually that ends up with us making plans. Occasionally a woman will not answer my e-mail. In that case I’ll wait maybe 3-7 days and try once more, and then I’m done. More often than not, somehow an e-mail (or phone message) got lost, and communication continues.
If a woman says no, then I thank her for her time and move on.
Is that clear?
Yes, let’s look at this again.
She’s established this, huh? Amazing Kreskin, you are GOOD. There might not be another reason why she hasn’t initiated a phone call, right?
In post #96 you encouraged him to try again. He said no. Someone else suggested the same thing in #98, again he said no. Posts 100, 101 & 102 all suggesting he not give up, again he said no. Here you come again in post #104 with another shove to try again. How many times does he have to say no?
Bolding for my emphasis.
Yes, you do see a different reality.
Can you PM me her phone number, and I’ll call her?
I’ve been through the exact same situation a bunch of times, and I start to see patterns. I’m starting to see what works and what doesn’t. I’m saying that it might be a good idea if he tried something that works. Sure, there may be another reason, but to just assume that she’s not interested? That is guaranteed not to work.
Bolding mine. I am not someone else. I suggested it ONCE.
Post 104 was not a push, I was just expressing my own frustration. If that pisses you off for some reason, then you’re just going to have to deal with it. But in order to appease your rage, I won’t say another word about it unless asked. Why I’m appeasing your rage, I have no idea.
Yes, in fact, I do. A year ago my reality was very much like Red’s. And I was getting no results with it. My current reality is far improved, as are my results. I’m meeting and dating a lot of really fantastic women now. As well, I’m far happier in general. My current reality suits me just fine, thank you.
Speaking as a woman, a lot of times I don’t even pick up the phone if I’m not interested…but if I weren’t screening, I probably wouldn’t be bold enough to just say, “No, I don’t like you, stop calling me” but I might make up an excuse, or sort of hem and haw noncommitally. So take that for what it’s worth. And if I really want to see a guy, by now, I’d be there at whatever venue with him. If he’s getting a vibe that she’s not into him, he might be wise to listen.
My rage? Wow. You really are as delusional as I’ve always imagined you to be.
OK, I’m done with you.
That was easy, I didn’t even have to screen any phone calls or say I had other plans.
I really think someone should write a book for us called “Life is not a John Cusack Movie” It can go up on the self help shelf right next to “He’s Just Not That Into You” but beneath, a later film inspired book entitled “Taking Off Your Glasses Does Not Magically Turn You Into The Class Hottie” That last book might not sell as well.
Not as much for guys like Red and I who have such trouble in the field of women. But, for our friends and advice givers who tell us to GO FOR IT. Even in times when it is obvious that there is no IT there!
Every response this woman has given has screamed “Thanks for your help, but I am not really interested.” And, every time you push this poor guy to try to squeeze water from a stone you set him up to be disappointed. Sure, his attitude is not the best, and it is probably hindering him in finding a woman to spend time with. But, in this particular case any persistence will just get him more disappointed. A lot of women avoid confrontation, and when they aren’t interested in a guy they let him down easy. They say “I’ll call you if I don’t have to work.” or, “Let’s make plans later in the week when I call you.” or “Just give me your number, and I will let you know.” That way, they don’t have to directly say no, and they hope you forget about it. I don’t think this is the best plan, because most guys obsess about it all week and every time there is a noise they say to themselves “Was that the girl throwing pebbles at my window to get my attention?”
Red, in my opinion, spending so much time on a woman who’s interest is flagging at best is not worth it. They say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but if i were you, I would go after the women in your area, instead. There are a lot of them, too. Good luck! Don’t beat yourself up so much - at some point the worm will turn. If you know what I mean.
pat
Nailed it. This whole thread reeks with the creepy. Good on the OP for doing his best to gently dissassociate himself from it.
This is what I was going to say. “Gee, I dunno, let me call you back in a few days” is code for “I’m just not that into you.”
Instead of badgering Red to contact this woman, who really just doesn’t seem to be all that into him, maybe you tough guys could encourage him to meet women who ARE into him.
No offense TDN, but having read a bunch of your “Why don’t I have luck with women” threads, you’re really coming off as a bit of a jerk here. I don’t think you have come up with some fantastic technique to score hot babes - I think perhaps you’ve just met some woman who are into you - it really isn’t the same thing.
Seriously - pushy isn’t attractive unless you’re already into the guy.
Red - I don’t know you. I don’t know anything about you other than you like bikes and you’re feeling down on your luck when it comes to woman. Buck up, assuming you’re a reasonably normal looking guy, with a minumum of gross personal habits and no fresh frozen human heads in your freezer, you’ll most likely bump into some woman while buying produce and she’ll take one look at you and lose her ability to speak. Not much solace, but that is the way it seems to work out for just about everyone.
I think, from context, this isn’t one of your own flaws, pricciar, but for the peanut gallery, let me just remark that “hoping you forget about it” isn’t “let{ting} him down easy”. Hoping he’ll forget about it is a less than respectful and less than reputable means of dealing with a small child to whom you’ve made a promise you now don’t want to keep; it’s a shabby way to treat an adult, and it doesn’t train men to respect your honesty, integrity and personal space. Fercriminy’s sake, just say “You smell and your mom dresses you funny”, already, and at least he might get the idea that he needs to work on hygiene and dress sense.