Unfortunately, Daithi Lacha, I don’t think that Evil Canines really get “sulking”. They seem to confuse it with “Hi. I’m your new lunch.”.
I would really like to join up, but I’m a little backlogged right now, what with the whole serial arsonist thing and all.
However, I would like to contribute - what say I cater the orientation meeting? Kitten-on-a-stick, anyone?
The Horde of Hell Hounds will be amply busy, what with the Dog That Ate (Some of) the Evil being worshipped in the Indiana Jones Temple (in Chicago) – being worshipped is time consuming. I should know, when the frightened are cowering before me, I always find that it takes so long to show each and everyone one of them the Face That Sunk a Thousand Ships.
You main competition will be the Butt-Pugly One. But then he’ll be busy for weeks in heavy training for devouring, maiming, making-eyes-glow and making-smoke-come-out-of-nostrils. Note: As he isn’t, nor will he ever be, the largest beast of brimstone and fire, if you move quickly he’ll probably only tear at your heels and ankles.
Just wear several layers of socks, you should be fine.
Eats_Crayons, I have seen your pictures and know your secret! Your real identity as a paragon of feminine loveliness can no longer be hidden behind the facade of false ugliness. Your intelligence combined with your beauty are a weapon more potent than any buck tooth or hairy lip abnormality. Your user name should be Radiates_unearthlybeauty.
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! We’re trying to keep it a secret!! If she were to ever find that out, our evil legion would collapse like cotton candy caught in the sprinkler!
Since Dread Lady Eats_Babies named me Devourer of Kittens, I hereby volunteer to help you with the catering. How about a stray stew for starters?
Not evil enough. I want baby bunnies.
My most humble apologies, Your Dreadness.
As I said, I am new around here and still learning the ropes in regards to grovelling before such Dread Mightiness Destined for World Conquest.
I had hoped to be more mobile than the Scary-Ass Brigade. But if that is where Your Mighty Dreadness requires my services, then that is where I will most humbly do my unworthy best in your Quest for Global Domination.
Mrs FST can confirm that my ass has been getting hairier and scarier as I get older. It should serve you well in spreading panic and confusion through-out the lands.
As far as the laundry problems, I always make sure to remove any encumbrances before writing my name in the snow. My penmenship is bad enough without any additional hindrances.
::Practices evil laugh::
::Practices phrase "Resistance is fuedal. Bow down before Her Dread Majesty Lady Eats_Babies…no, no,no that’s not right…try that again…Resistance is Futile. Bow down before **Her Dread Majesty Lady Eats_Babies, Mistress of The Dog That Ate (Some Of) The Evil ** and **The Pug That Sees Two Different Worlds **…a little better…gotta keep working on that::
Dread Mistress, you may want to be selective about the bunnies. Some of them may be on our side, at least for the moment.
Don’t ask me how I know that. :: shudder ::
[sub]Well, Her Dread Majesty Lady Eats_Babies is of course entitled to ask that, being our Dark Overlord and all, but none of the rest of you may. Unless she lets you. :: twitch :: [/sub]
Oh, quite right. Alonzo, if you see a little rabbit having seizures and repeating “…There’s a dog loose in the wood…” leave that one alone. You can kill all his friends though.
BBQ Bunny Babies are great!
:: breathes massive sigh of relief hat having not been smitten* ::
[sub]*with lighting or fire or some other nasty dismemberment, that is[/sub]
Boy. A thread like this, just when I was getting over myself.
I’ve met Eats Crayons.
Oh, how to say this in a gentlemanly manner, one that is accurate yet not overtly gushy? One that conveys the truth yet is not terrifyingly stalkerish?
She’s got skin to die for, skin that needs to be lit by soft afternoon northern light. Skin that makes adjectives run for cover since they are all going to be used at once and there won’t be any adjectives left in the Adjective Union Hall to be sent out on other grammatical assignments cause they all got used to describe Eats Crayons’ skin.
Her smile is dazzling. Not faux in the least, but direct, frank and warm with touches of humor. ( Or, humour if you’re Canadian but I’m not, curse me. ) A lithe flip of the hand or nod of the head speaks volumes, she’s not one for grand dame gestures- and yet … there is grace.
If eyes are windows that reveal the soul then she’s got Chagall eyes. Wild flying colorful bits of light flash to and fro. Eyes to die for. Eyes that make gray old men wistful for spry days of yore. Eyes that create sonnets, launch ships, make negative film glad it is covered with light-sensitive silver halide crystals. Eyes of clarity and levelheadedness. Eyes of mirth and glee, eyes of somber glance. Delicious eyes, eyes from here to there and back again.
A laugh that is not raucous but illuminating. The line of her movements is admirable, precise and fluid. Completely at ease physically, she imparts calm and strength.
This Sniff person is clearly not in touch with reality as it is on this planet. As that wonderful aged Knight said in the last Indiana Jones film, " She Chose Poorly".
Luckily, I’ve retained all ability to be rational, calm and analytical in the face of an opportunity such as this.
What can I say- she’s a swell gal.
Me, I’d be counted among her minion if she’d have me. After all, someone has to do publicity shots for her. 
Cartooniverse
That would make him Busby Woodsie, ace Choreographer and musical filmmaker !!!
Bunnies for lunch it is! It seems there will be quite a crowd at this Teeming Minions Orientation Meeting, so I suggest:
Bunny and Koala Fricassee (can omit the Koala - but it’s not the same)
- Cute l’il Bunnies and Koalas - 1 to 2 lbs. per person (your hordes are big eaters, right?)
- Root vegetables
- Various spices
- Red Wine and water to cover (believe I’ll substitute with pond water and vomitus)
- Anything in the 'fridge that’s past its ‘use by’ date
Chop up cute l’il bunnies and Koalas in a mad frenzy. Do not skin , do not clean. Reserve heads for garnish.
(Note to self: take pix of kitchen at this point for abattoir collection)
Throw out root vegetables - what are we, farm animals?
Sear bloody bits in EVOO (extra virgin olive oil - Rachael Ray get back here!)
Throw in spices ‘til they’re smokin’ like a motherfuck
Add spoiled 'fridge bits
Cover with liquid, turn to ‘high’ and get drunk
Fricassee should be ready about the time I come to.
Reserved cutie heads will be served on sticks (ha! I get my stick wish!) with a noisome dipping sauce, so save your appetite!
So, is it you I have to talk to about the recruitment posters, or what? 
He means in an Leprosy-Ebola kind of way.
Irradiated with weapons-grade plutonium. I bare my teeth to disintergrate eyeballs.
My flip-top head tends to startle people and they scream.
In a jar on my mantle. The guy looked at me the wrong way.
When you see them spinning in their sockets like when Sonny used to go cuckoo for Coa-Coa Puffs, expect rays of death to shoot out.
Like yo-yos they pop from my sockets and snap back again – a trick that was taught to me by a Zen master in Nepal. That optical nerve is stretchier than you’d think.
Think “Terminator II”.
This is true. Somehow we need to get my image onto the Taco Bell cups and on the Posters That Make One Cry. You may go through several lenses though, be warned.
Me, I think resistance is futile.
I took a nap after reading the first few pages earlier today and the thread followed me into a dream. Really, the dream just consisted of additional posts!
So…all hail Lady Eats_Crayons and Other Assorted Dead Stuff! Yet another unworthy minion at your service.
GT
I am the Freddy Krueger of the SDMB.
Granted he’s better lookin’ than me.
And, of course, the unofficial motto at the Sunspace Den of Iniquity and Computer Graphics is “We can fake it in Photoshop”.
Geez, did I let this slip past for a full page?
SteveG1 – You may have Australia as it is within striking distace of my arch enemy, New Zealand. And you get the fancy title and uniform – what can I say, I’m a sucker for fancy gadgets (NOT what I mean, gutterbrain!).
You shall be known as the Guy No One Likes But Everyone Pretends to Because He Makes Stuff Work a.k.a. Gadget Guy, Master of the Tool. Your uniform is subdued but you get that cool head thing that the bald guy on the planet Bespin had in the Empire Strikes Back, with lots of blinky lights and possible telepathy.