Is it too late to suggest letting the kittens eat the bunnies first? I envision a sort of kitten haggis.
Take a number, pal.
Okay, so now I’ve spent some time under the table, and guess what? Seems like the dogs aren’t my biggest worry - -
it’s being blinded by the damnably pointy codpieces!!!
Also, my Dark Lady, I regret to inform you that there’s a lot of… uh… “padding” going on down there.
As for that person wearing the girdle
and you know who you are
You’re not fooling anyone. Especially not me, now.
Ew.
Anyways, I’ve had a lot of quiet time so I’ve been trying to write our Evil Theme. I’ve come up with the first four lines, but I’m sure others could do better…
All hail our fell Lady Eats_Babies
Whose visage causes warts and rabies
She brings pain and suff’ring to the masses
with her Minions of the large hairy asses…
Sorry for coming late to the party… I just had to post these lyrics to a funny song called Ugly Girl that I think describes a lot of what Eats_Crayons said in the OP. It’s about someone who runs into her ex at the supermarket… and he’s shacked up with an ugly girl.
http://www-scf.usc.edu/~osmosis/lyrics/uglyGirl.html
*Does she tell you what you want to hear
and I bet that she can grow a beard
I’d feel better thinking you were queer
it’s not fair
I can’t compare
to an ugly girl
ha ha ha
ha ha the jokes on me
I feel jealous and I feel mean
is she so nice that it makes up for her face?
there’s no way…
Do you have to keep your eyes closed
do you have to keep the lights down low
oh I bet you wish you had a blindfold
can’t you see
you’re leaving me
for an ugly girl…*
Well that doesn’t make any sense. My ex-girlfiend IS queer.
I don’t know if Chlamydia tells her what she wants to hear or not. By the looks of her, I suspect it’s usually: “Wuuuuuuuh… Brrrraaaaaaainns… Aaaauuuuuu…”
I may have a bag over my face, but at least I’m articulate. (Typing skills notwithstanding.)
Hello? Your Wickedness?
Anyone?
Aw… This is what I get for sleeping under the table - they’re probably all out invading Aukland or something! 
I move that the term “ex-girlfiend” (and of course the analogous “ex-boyfiend”) enter common usage at the SDMB, much like “cow-orker”.
Now then, about this paper bag - should we draw a devil’s face on it? Or maybe some kind of monster? Must figure out what would have the most shock value in the context of world domination.