I Need Funny/Inspirational Quotes

In My Humble Opinion
1

I am off to get the results of my biopsy/CT Scan/PET Scan today, and while I was up at 5am (cause you can’t sleep before something like that), I found some old quotes that I thought were amusing, poignant, important, and the like.

What are the ones that you find help you in moments of trial and tribulation, or that just make you laugh like your sides will burst?

I’d really love to have some help with this - it’s important to me.

Inky

PS this may be the totally wrong forum, and if it is, I apologize, and perhaps some kind moderator will move for me.

2

Well, you’re asking a bit late so I can’t be blamed for the timing…
Don’t loose heart…
… they may want to cut it out…
… and they’ll want to avoid a lengthy search.

Best wishes.

3

I like that one.

An Irish friend told me this one years ago :

“I’m Irish - we plan nothing, but when it goes wrong, we know exactly what to do.”

He’s from Dublin, so keep the Irish bashing aside.

4

Oh, and it’s not late - it’s always a passion of mine, but I thought it was a good time to start doing something.

Suddenly I’m motivated for WAAAAAAAAAAY to many things.

Ink

But thanks for this wishes.

5

I’ve got a bunch of little sayings posted up around my desk, but most of them have to do with accomplishing your dreams, being a decent person, etc. Here are a few that are more appropriate to your situation:

A bit of fortune cookie wisdom:
“Optimism: a cheerful frame of mind that enables a tea kettle to sing though in hot water up to its nose.”

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You must not lose it.”
—Robin Williams

You might also check out Despair.com. Sample: “It’s always darkest right before it goes pitch black.” Good if you like dark humor (heh).

Good luck with your tests.

6

Well, this may be too late, but our favorite is the timeless “could be worse, it could be raining!” (usually followed by assorted other sound effects from Young Frankenstein).

Let us know how things turn out today!

7

My daughter has “No one can clip my wings and tell me how high to fly” hanging on her door.

I have this one:

Good luck on the biopsy.

8

One of my favorites, from good ol’ Yogi Berra.

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

9

We may only be given a small spark, but some of us manage to turn it into a bonfire. It’s a lot more fun that way. Pass me those marshmallows, would ya?

10

I heard another one, supposedly a Cherokee story.

A grandfather is talking to his grandson about the nature of man. He says, “I have two wolves inside me. One is evil, full of hatred and revenge and meaness. He lacks compassion and love and kindness. The other one is different. He is modest, helpful, and caring He is full of joy and love and tenderness. They fight all the time.”

The grandson asks, “Grandpa, which one will win?”

The grandfather answers, “Whichever one I feed.”

11

Good news - non cancerous, nodes are fine, no radiation, no surgery.
AAAAAAH!!!

Thanks everyone.

Inky

12

That’s wonderful, Inky! Now, you have all this encouragement and good humor, and no tragedy to apply it to. I guess you’ll have to spread it around.

It’s not what you had cut out that matters. It’s what you do with what you have left. --Oliver Faltz (my nom de plume)

13

Yay! That’s great news.

Can I ask for some of your good karma to rub off on my friend who’s spending Valentine’s Day having yet another chunk of skin cancer carved out of her pretty face? Let’s hope that this is THE LAST TIME.

14

Good karma to all who need and deserve it today. I have been graced by (name deity - I am non-denominational but spiritual) and all my best wishes, positive energy and healing thoughts go to those who need them.

AskNott - no trauma? Nah, I get to have gum resection surgery thursday for long term oral work and bone shavings.

Can I get an Oscar for all this DRAMA yet???
[modesty] I’d like to thank the Academy for…[irate angry face] ABSOLUTELY FARQUING NOTHING! You’ve been pains in my arse and other bodily parts as well. I’m taking my statue home and using it as a door stop to keep the cat from the food cabinet. [/modesty] [/irate anger, as well]

Inky

Special thoughts to those who need it. I was added to eseveral prayer circles by those who are devout, and I sincerely believe their thoughts were a positive presence in my life. Not to get all Og-sih.

Is that a word?

Anyway…off to write an article about …well, something I can’t discuss cause it’s adult in nature… muahahahahahahahaha

Inky

15

Glad to hear you’re doing well Ink

16

Bosda Di’Chi’s monkey admited before a panel of judges that he had a problem, then provided needlessly graphic evidence of that problem in Eau Claire, Wisconsin.
“Boil some water and tear up a petticoat!”
"Is someone having a baby?"
“No–I’d like to have a cup of tea while I watch you tear up your petticoat.”
Home…I haff no home. Hanted - despised - liffing like an ahnimal - the jungle iss my home! But I vill show der vorld dot I can be its master. I vill perfect my own rice of pipple - a rice of atomic supermen vhich vill conquer der Vorld! ~~~Dr. Eric Vornoff
Chico: “The garbage man is here.”
Groucho: “Well, tell him we don’t want any.”
“I notice a lack of polyester suits in your size…” ~~ Destro
“Hrmph! Fashion snobbery from someone who still wears a gold chain with an open shirt!” ~~Cobra Commander
“Raaaagh! Me am Bizarro Krypto! Me make mess on carpet! Me eat own feces! Me hump all legs! Woof woof! Me am barking loud all night! Me am apeshit crazy!”