Not long ago, I was at a drive-thru window with my girlfriend. She kept changing her mind about what to order while cars were piling up behind us and the person attempting to take our order kept having to change things. I was hungry and wanted to get going, so I just ordered the last thing she said quickly, hoping that she wouldn’t change her mind again. When she said, “No, wait . . .” I, in frustration, turned to her and snapped, “Jennifer!”
My girlfriend’s name is Michelle.
Jennifer is an ex-fiance, we broke up a year and a half ago.
So, how do I explain my way out of this one? Or at least make it up to her?
All you have to say is “For a minute there, you were acting like a complete dope- just like my ex!”
hmmmm…that probobly won’t work.
Instead, be honest. When someone is used to saying one persons name every day, it gets stuck in their brain. End of story. I used to do it to my husband, Allan all the time. Called him “Adam” (an ex-boyfriend). I couldn’t help it, it just kept slipping. He laughed it off. He has often called me “Sue…zette” His ex-fiances name was Sue and mine is Suzette . I never, ever go by Sue, so he always gets a big “nice try” from me.
In my opinion, the only time it’s a God Awful sin to call someone another persons name is in bed. That’s a biggie.
Tell her you didn’t mean anything by it, and don’t go overboard apologizing. Save that for a really bad flub.
If that doesn’t work, some nice flowers should do the trick!
Zette
i’m stressing FTD again. and on the card explain how there is no one else on your mind but her.
then when she calls you to say thanx, explain how you got frustrated and thought of the “bad ex”. but how she really could never be like that.
I once did precisely what you did, except the name I blurted was that of a family member. Unfortunately, my GF knew exactly what I meant (and hence my level of frustration). She almost moved out.
My GF admitted she had been being illogical, but was truly offended that I – even subconsciously – compared her to the other person, precisely because she had seen what I’d endured with that family member, over many years. Okay, it was just about the worst insult my subconscious could have come up with, but I still felt it was a Catch-22: She’d pushed me enough to remind me of someone truly offensive, yet somehow I was at fault?
Eventually we simmered down, but the more resolutely I tried to repress that deadly name, the more it seemed to it’s like trying not to think of pink elephants) Things got pretty ugly in the next few weeks (even though, aside fom this issue, our relationship was solid and rewarding). Long story with deep personal issues on both sides.
As evidence of the basic soundness of our relationship, the whole thing blew over with a punch line. One night, feeling persecuted when she furious at me for being frustrated with her – I blurted “It’s like Pol Pot calling the kettle black.” (Pol Pot is a Cambodian dictator whose genocide wiped out 20% of his nation in a few years, but who bristled at any comparison with Hitler)
She laughed and realized she’s always liked my mental associations, and also realized that before she could demand I not be so irritated by her actions, she should consider first trying not to over react to mine.
Great girl. But things could easily have gone differently. My advice is: let it blow over.
This sort of thing happens; names tend to mix themselves up when one is under mundane stress, as anyone with multiple small children can tell you.
I don’t know what to say, now that you’ve let it become a big deal, although FTD.com seems like a perfectly acceptable strategy. However, for next time, let me share a piece of advise from my own experience with brain-to-mouth errors; nothing makes a misnomer slide faster than a well-placed “Blaa.” Make a few random noises, recalibrate your lips, and pick up your sentence where you left off. If you let one little slip derail your train of thought, and you stop to think to yourself, “Oh, {censored}, I said her name,” that’s when suspicion begins. If you worry about it, she’ll pick up on it.
Unless, of course, you mean it when you say you’re trying to weasel out of it, and you really were thinking of your ex…
HA! Tell her she’s lucky you didn’t call her by the dog’s name. My mother used to do that to me - LMAO! Then tell her that next time, if she’s not careful, you’ll roll up a newspaper and smack her across the nose with it. Oh wait, she’s still not the dog, is she. Well, anyway, don’t sweat it. It happens and she’ll get over it.
Do send her flowers though.
Or better yet, have her name tattooed across your heart in really big, red letters! Yeah, that’s the ticket!
First off, I didn’t make it a big deal. I was just wondering the best way to apologize to my present GF and wondering how many other people have been in this situation.
Second of all, I could not cover up the fact that I said the ex’s name with a few random noises. I exclaimed the name ‘Jennifer’ with the clarity and diction of a master Shakesperean actor. She picked up on it almost before I did.
This does need to be kept in perspective. After all, you didn’t blurt out your ex’s name during sex, you did it in a moment when she was irritating the hell out of you.
Play up the fact that she should actually be proud, that when she was acting in a way that pissed you off, it was so out of character, you didn’t associate it with her - you associated it with your ex, who you are SO happy to have out of your life and SO happy to be with her instead.
She probably won’t buy it, but give it a shot.
I once was bugging Mrs. Milo, and she inadvertently yelled out our dog’s name.
I’d explain to her that your ex once did have a very important role in your life (duh), and even though that part of your life is over, it’s not like you have no memory of that time. However, it has nothing to do with your feelings for her, and she shouldn’t blow it out of proportion: “And if, god forbid, something should happen to our relationship, it’s not like I’d have no memory of our times together, either.”
I don’t think flowers are necessarily a bad idea, though it strikes me that sending them might validate her “outrage” over your (harmless) mistake.
Shayna and Milossarian mentioned that they were called the name of their dogs, but my former boss once addressed me using the name of his WIFE!
To put this in context, my former boss’s wife once worked at the same company, and she left before she and my boss got married. I ended up assuming most of her duties (JOB duties, you pervs), so I guess it’s somewhat understandable that he addressed me as “Tory”. After he did this, he immediately phoned his wife: “Honey, I just called Dan by your name.” He then paused, listened, and told me “Tory says that if it makes you feel any better, that I should tell you I’ve called her ‘Dan’ more than once.”
Anyway, good luck, and I hope you’ll let us know how it turns out.
(P.S. to no one in particular–I’m a newbie, so I apologize in advance for any rules of etiquette I may unintentionally break.)
Four days after the incident in question, and it seems everything’s cool. I apologized again last night, and it seems I feel worse about it than she does. She says on my next day off I owe her one full day of ass kissing and bought me some Chapstick to prepare. I’m pretty sure she was only joking though, and that all is now well. Although next time we go out, she does insist we go to a real restaurant and I allow her all the time she wants to select from the menu.
Can’t help with the problem after the fact, but do what I do and it’ll never happen again:
Call your current girlfriend, and any and all future girlfriends, by the same pet name: “honey,” “darling,” “pumpkin,” “sparky,” “scooter,” or whatever. Life’s a lot easier if all you have to remember is “sweetie” or some such. Especially if you have more than one at the same time…
I don’t know what it is, but my fiancee takes the longest time in selecting something off a menu. Not at a fast food joint, but anytime we sit down at a restaraunt, you can practically hear the Jeopardy music playing in the background. When we go out with friends, it is even worse. A dramatic recreation:
Waiter: Are you ready to order?
Me: Yep.
Friend: Yes
Other Friend: Yes.
Me: Honey?
Honey: Hang on.
Me: Perhaps you had better give us more time. Time passes.
Waiter: Are you all set?
Me: Honey?
Honey: I think so. You guys go first.
Me: I’ll have the steak.
Friend: Chef Salad, please.
Other Friend: Chicken.
Me: Honey?
Honey: Um… what did you get, again?
Me: Steak.
Honey: Oh, I don’t like steak.
Me: What would you like?
Honey: What did everyone get?
Me: Who cares? What do you want?
Friend: Chef Salad.
Honey: Oh, I was going to get the Chef Salad.
Me: So get the Chef Salad.
Honey: No, he’s getting the salad.
Me: And?
Honey: I just don’t know. Is the shrimp good?
Waiter: Yes. Quite good.
Honey: I don’t think I want shrimp. Can you come back in a little while?
Waiter: Sure. (leaves)
Me: What’s the matter with you?
Honey: I can’t decide.
Other Friend: There’s not even that many choices.
Honey: I know. I think I want the pasta.
Me: Good. Pasta it is.
Honey: I think.
Me: For crying out loud.
Honey: Yeah, definitely the pasta.
Me: Great. I’ll get the waiter.
Waiter: Have you decided?
Honey: Yeah. I’ll have the… Chef Salad.
I don’t know why, but this really bugs me. Even though it’s funny, it really irritates me. If you ask me, this really is all Michelle’s fault.
