I need help. (Wedding planning)

In My Humble Opinion
21

I was actually thinking a seperate, less expensive, less pretty invitation for the “reception only” guests might work.

I still haven’t gotten sleep. My brother and his girlfriend (my one (1) bridesmaid) came over today to say, “Hey, we’re having a baby!” Oh joy. No, I’m happy, really I am. But guess what? You’re supposed to at the front of the crowd with me, looking all pretty and stuff, NOT in a hospital giving BIRTH!

She really didn’t want to tell me, but she kind of had to. And I am happy, and hoping for a niece this time.

I really like the idea of disposable cameras at every table, but the last time I used one of those, the indoor pictures were shit. I suppose I could have an early afternoon wedding and start the reception earlier to allow for more sunlight.

22

When I got married,

My husband and I were in the Navy and was doing it on a shoestring and within a few months. We had some money, but I didn’t want to put down a ton of money, I wanted a nice wedding within monetary reason.

I bought my dress, and veil, which I still have, I am keeping it, if our daughter wants to use.

In regards to your dress, Wedding Shops have sales on discontinued dresses, (that is Wedding and Bridal Dresses) really nice, and pretty but the fashion is done, and the manufacturer isn’t making that style anymore. If you go classic, that shouldn’t be a problem. I worked at Wedding Shop, before. The color if you want to wear white, that is fine, your attendants colors, have whatever color you like, nobody can take attention away from the bride.

My girls wore a shade of pink. My maid of honor wore a pink dress, that she had worn for another wedding, I couldn’t see her spending alot of money on a one time only dress, it was a nice dress and she looked really good. My matron of honor bought a really pretty fuscia dress. The Dresses and the Flowers were a spectrum of Pink colors.

The Flowers and Boutinneers were the shades of Pink, Roses
Carnations, Lily, Gardenia, Baby Breath, really nice and smelled good. The Flowers on the table at the reception site were coordinated with the ceremony.

My husband and most of the men in his party wore there uniforms(Navy). The best man had his own Tuxedo that he wore.

My gifts for my girls were Pearl Earrings. My husband got his guys small pocket knives, with a penny, to be given back to my husband.

I was a printer in the Navy, so I printed my Wedding Invitations/Annoncements, RSVP Cards, Env’s etc.

I hope this helps.

23

I forgot about the Photographer,

we had a friend who was a Photo-mate, that we hired.

24

Don’t have time to read all the responses, but I’ll pitch in my 2 cents because (a) I’m feeling for ya and (b) you’re getting married on my 11th anniversary!!

May 17th–a lucky day! Hooray!

OK, here’s those 2 cents.

  1. “save the date” cards–not only did I not use them, I’ve never ever seen them. Those folks (old friends, etc) you really want to see–call them or e-mail them and tell them to save the date. Do you really care if Old Aunt Nell saves the date? didn’t think so.

  2. Red is fine. I’ve seen burgundy dresses at the wedding and they were lovely. I’ve also seen pale pink cowboy getups for the bridesmaids (barely escaped wearing one myself) and they were, although pastel, just hideous. Nice dresses are fine, red is fine, nobody will upstage you in the photos–trust me. Unless, that is, you have a supermodel attending your wedding…in a long white dress.

  3. Yellow pages are your friend. Look up photographers, also florists. Make appointments and talk to these folks and get some prices, then decide and book 'em. Takes time, but that’s how it’s done.

  4. My sister got her dress at the JC Penney’s discount outlet, and I wore hers. These joints have new dresses in last year’s styles…worth a try. 20 years ago, her dress cost around $80.

  5. Don’t worry!!! It’ll be just fine!

25

More brilliant advice.

  1. I had only my sister (matron of honor), and hubby had only one pal (best man). No bridesmaids, no matching dress problem, no big deal. I didn’t think it looked pathetic at all…I thought it was nice. I think we got them presents (wallet for him, necklace for her, IIRC) but I have also seen small bottles of perfume for the attendants, or bracelets. For the men, key rings or pens are typical.

  2. Favors? I did my guests the favor of feeding them dinner. I felt that was sufficient. I have seen custom-made bottles of bubbles with tiny blower (try a party store), small useless silver frames, and small bags of candy tied with tulle (my fave) as favors. Don’t go nuts. Oh yeah–nuts would be nice, too.

  3. Don’t know what time you are planning this shindig–but if it’s dinnertime, you ought to include some pretty substantial food, or people will be cutting out of your reception to go to Burger King. (I’ve seen it happen.) If you want cake & champagne punch, that’s great, but schedule your wedding accordingly (2pm). Best catering EVER–a friend of mine who had her whole wedding catered by a Chinese Dim Sum place. (Neither bride nor groom are Chinese)

  4. This brings me to the bar. I think having guests pay for their own booze is tacky. Choices that are cheaper than cash bar but still festive: no booze: 2 bottles of wine per table: champagne punch (I did this): table with beers for the taking.

whew! Keep us posted, and congratulations!

26

If you have a Famous Dave’s local, you MUST go for it. Their buffet/cater prices are excellent, and their food rules.

Get a bonus tray of cornbread for the head table. :slight_smile:

27

Miss Manners definately wouldn’t approve. You should not distinguish between guests- they are all guests of honor entitled to the same consideration. 'Course, I made my invitation on Publisher and printed them out at home. Econo-Bride.

Congrats!!! Dammit, don’t babies always just come when they please, regardless of whatever’s going on? Wow, your family is going to have a killer year to remember.

As for the attendant problem, I was at a wedding with about eight attendants- all children. It was really moving and the pictures came out looking like an Estee Lauder ad.

At my wedding the kids got a hold of the disposable cameras and went around taking pictures at their eye level. Which is adult butt level. So we have about five Mystery Butt photos. We pull them out and play Guess-Whose-Rear.

28

MsRobyn already said what I was going to say: Throw out all those bridal magazines! They only exist to make more money for the wedding industry.

I’ll echo what most of the others have already said, and this is the number one most important piece of advice: It is YOUR wedding, do it the way YOU want to do it.

I’ll give you a few of my own for-examples. UncleBill and I are getting married in just over two months, and we have successfully planned our own wedding without going to the sharks at all. We spoke to a couple of wedding planners, just to get an idea what they could do for us, and concluded we could do everything ourselves, for a fraction of the cost.

We decided there were some traditional wedding things we wanted and some we didn’t, and we felt perfectly comfortable throwing out the things we didn’t feel were necessary. The people we’re inviting to our wedding are family and friends, all people we care about, who won’t be judging how we’re doing it, they will be there because they want to share a very joyous occasion with us.

We’re getting the food for the reception from a grocery store. We looked at their deli, and they had some really nice platters, good stuff, for a very reasonable price. We’re getting the cake from a different grocery store. We could have gone to a fancy caterer, but for the prices they wanted, fuhgeddaboutit. $400 for a cake? I don’t think so.

We’re not having any attendants at all, but that was just how we wanted it–we decided the only three people with a job that day were going to be the two of us and the preacher. Of course, various family and friends will be asked to help with a couple of things, but those will be minor tasks.

“Save the date” cards? That just sounds silly. That’s what a friggin’ invitation is for, to let people know when to be there if they want to be at your wedding.

Our wedding site is a garden, so that eliminates the need for flowers and other decorations. I’m going to have a small bouquet, and he a boutonniere, but that’s about it for flowers.

Also, what we’re doing is having a very small wedding, then we’re going to throw a big post-wedding reception on a different day. That way, folks who are friends but maybe not close enough friends to invite to the wedding itself can come and celebrate with us. I’ve had other friends do this also, and it worked very well.

29

I have a couple suggestions:

  1. Buy one of those “wedding-planner” books (there’s probably about 100 different varieties at your local Barnes & Noble’s). I found it rather comforting to work with checklists and timelines, to ensure we weren’t forgetting something until the last minute. These books’ll typically answer most of your etiquette questions, also. Very worth the $15 or $20 they cost.

  2. Sit down and make a list of the things you really really want at your wedding. Make another list of things that would be nice, but aren’t necessary. Figure out how much you want to spend. Then price out your lists, and decide which of the “nice but not necessary” items you can afford. There’s just so many things that are kind of neat to have, but add incrementally to the expense, that it’s easy to overspend for inconsequentials.

30

Check out Miss Manners’ book (I think it’s the Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior) with a chapter on weddings. She’ll tell you when to have which fights. Seriously, she’s got quite a bit of common sense.

31

Buy this book: Planning a Wedding to Remember, by Beverly Clark.

I used it when planning my wedding, and I am telling you, it rocks. ROCKS. It’s got tons of ideas for saving money, and lots of schedules and outlines and worksheets and that type of thing for keeping track of what you’ve done, what you plan to do, and how much it’s all costing. Without it, I would have been lost, and as it was, it helped me explore less costly options for the things I wanted to do. I can’t recommend it highly enough.

The thing I liked best about it was that there’s no sense that the fancier the wedding, the better (as is true of most bridal magazines and planners). This book is all about helping you plan the wedding YOU want, in a way you can afford, from very inexpensive to very lavish. It was great.

32

My niece got married last month (Ack! I’m old enough to have a married niece!). She and her boyfriend planned and paid for the wedding themselves. It was a very simple do in a park. She only invited about 40 people, their closest friends. They had their favorite Chinese restaurant cater it (they just said, “We need food for 40 people” and let them do the rest) and had ample food. Neither are drinkers, so there was no alcohol provide. At the reception they just brought out a bunch of games, board games and the like and ate and sat around playing games all night.

This isn’t to say your wedding has to be like this, just that you should make your wedding a reflection of who you are. Your friends and family love you and know you. They should be fine with whatever you want. And if they aren’t, to hell with them! This is your day.

StG

33

Here’s my advice:

Have the wedding YOU and YOUR FUTURE husband want to have. If parents are helping fund it, take their opinions into account, but remember it is your wedding. The best way to accomplish this is to establish a budget. How much do you have saved? How much are you willing to borrow? How much can you have saved by May? IMO, this is the most important step.

Make a list of everything you can think of which needs to be done. Leave space between items and fill in with your thoughts. Once a decision has been made, cross it off your list, and don’t think about it again until you need to confirm final details.

I used theknot.com as a planning guide. They suggest everything that you could possibly want in a wedding, and then you can customize it to what YOU want.

DO NOT STRESS about it. Your wedding is supposed to be a wonderful, happy affair for you, your family and friends. Worrying about it until you have a heart attack is not a good thing.

I think that a potluck dinner is tacky. If you are having the reception at a beer garden (are they taking care of the bartending, by the way?), I think having an “assembly line” type dinner is fine. Hire the caterers that you want (Famous Dave’s) so that they will take care of the setup and takedown. However, if this is a BBQ place, you may want to pick a different caterer. If you are wearing a “wedding dress” (the formal type), your guests should dress accordingly. It is not a good idea to expect your guests to change clothes between the ceremony and reception.

You do not have to provide wine if you don’t want to. If you do, go to the local liquor store and tell them what you are doing. Decide your budget and they will make appropriate suggestions. I think that with an informal reception, beer, pop, water and some liquor stapes (Seagram’s, Jack Daniels) would be fine.

“Save the date” cards are a waste of your time and money.

I wouldn’t worry too much about favors for guests either. Any person who would feel insulted by a lack of favors is a jerk.

E-mail me if you want any futher opinions (I’ve got a million of them!) :wink:

34

The very best advice I have to give you is this: Sit down in a quiet room one evening (no telephone, no television, no dog clawing at your leg to go out, just you and your own brutal honesty) and make a list of the stuff that actually means something to you. Make another list of people you just can’t imagine getting married without. Have your sweetie do the same.

Congratulations!!! You guys just made out almost your entire guest list, and decided on the big stuff you want for your wedding!! Everything else (including Modern Bride) goes into the trash can.

Keep in mind, the most memorable weddings are the ones that truly reflect who and what the bride and groom are. No one will notice or care if you have favors, they generally get pitched after collecting dust for a couple of months anyway. Ten years from now, no one will remember who was in your wedding, or how many attendants you each had. Just do what sounds like a wonderful idea to you two, and you’ll have a great wedding.

Also, for all sorts of ideas for a fun, fun wedding on a low, low budget, check out our wdding plans here: http://www.weddingchat.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=137111

35

Hie thee to www.ultimatewedding.com

The MB there is full of overly helpful and opinionated people for just these questions.

Beyond that, my personal advice is to look around a bit and see what is out there. Then, only do what you want. The traditional wedding doesn’t actually exist and as long and both you and your hubby show up everything is by definition perfect. Chose to do what you will treasure.

If you treasure making your guests happy, have an open bar, good food, and be radiently happy with the world. Nobody but you will care about the flowers, centerpieces, bridesmaid’s dresses, invitation fonts, themes, colors, or the billion little details that can be involved. So only stress over what you actually care about.

Invite who you want to be there. Honestly.

Have male bridesmaids if you have guy friends you want to stand up for you.

Send invitations for the reception but word them differently. (www.verseit.com)

Personally, I’m doing a beach wedding that is going to look an awful lot like a party where the guys making the burgers are paid. I’m not one for formality or much ceremony.

36

I’ve got to learn to make sure I’m the one logged in when I post. Trust me, Dr. J does not even open wedding-related threads most of the time.

I also wanted to add that, in the words of my favorite biology professor, the only thing you HAVE to do is die. Everything else is your choice. Inviting Auntie Mildred and her seven kids you haven’t seen since you were 4 is entirely optional. Heck, inviting your parents is optional if you don’t get along, haven’t been in contact for years, or they don’t approve of your marriage.

Oh, and since I’m feeling generous today, you can keep one copy of Modern Bride, but only if you use it solely for entertainment purposes. You just can’t trust a publication whose sole purpose is to sell you stuff to give you practical advice.

Given what you guys have sorted out so far, I’d suggest reading Let’s Elope. It’s a practical guide to non-traditional weddings, and it’s chock full of eye-opening numbers. For instance, they crunched the numbers and found out that if you took the average wedding budget in this country, invested it to get a 10% return, and left it for 15 years, you’d have enough just from the interest to go to Paris for a week every year without ever touching your principle.

Good luck, and congratulations! If you need any technical advice or someone to vent to, e-mail me or pm me on www.ultimatewedding.com. My user name’s the same on both boards.

37

Silver Fire, I went to a potluck reception recently and it was lovely. The approach won’t work for every family, but I thought it was a great idea. It all depends on the feel that you’re going for. If you want a more formal wedding, a potluck might be inappropriate. If it’s a more relaxed wedding with mostly family and close friends, go for it. Frankly, your wedding is just another job to a caterer. They’re not going to bust their butts for you. But your family–hey, it’s Silver Fire’s wedding–they’re probably going to make the yummiest, most scrumptious dishes they can. And in lieu of food, your out of town guests could bring a bottle of wine. Two birds with one stone.

38

** Silver Fire,** I’m a wedding coordinator and a newlywed. I’m doing a number of friends’ weddings (low-key events, since most are paying for it themselves). I’m at work, tho, and don’t have time for a real post – email me and I’ll give you my best advice. I’ll be your wedding coordinator for free, if you want, even though it’s long-distance! :slight_smile:

Good luck!

39

Wow, you guys rock! I don’t technically have a “local” B&N, but I’ll get my ass to the closest one ASAP. I have a B&N interactive channel on my TV, but I doubt I’ll find any of the books mentioned there. They only sell the top 100, or something like that.

I really like all of your advice here. It’s much easier to get advice from “outsiders” on these types of things, IMO. So thanks, a thousand times, for your time and thoughts. You guys really are great.

I think we may postpone the wedding. I wouldn’t care either way, really. He needs to make his decision soon though, so I can figure out if I should go ahead with planning or not. He doesn’t want to have a late summer/early fall wedding because the river that we’re getting married on looks really yucky. All of the summer months are pretty gross around here, with humidity and bugs. So, if we do postpone it, it will probably be until the same date next year. :frowning: My bridesmaid’s due date is literally within days of my wedding date. And her first pregnancy was a nightmare, so I don’t think we should plan it sooner. We’ll be talking about it further when he gets home from work this evening.

I never even thought about that, not seriously anyway. Has that ever been done? I honestly don’t think my male friends would go for it though. They’re far too “macho”.

:holds up right hand: I promise not to look at wedding magazines anymore. Really the only reason I bought them was to kind of get an idea of what I wanted my dress to look like. I never meant to read the articles, I swear! I did want to share something from one of them with you guys, though.

From the Oct/Nov 2002 issue of Modern Bride, pg. 152, a sample of what one couple spent on their big day.

Amy and Bill, 55 guests, Tiburon, CA

:eek: More like NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!

Yes, I’m done with these magazines.

40

Really, I’ve never found magazines to be helpful picking out a dress. Of course, I don’t really care for lace, ruffles, trains, or any of the other stuff usually found on wedding dresses. Besides, we’re getting married in Jackson Square, so a huge heavy dress dragging around everywhere isn’t exactly practical. I found my dress at the mall, entirely by accident, and it was cheaper than your average bridesmaid dress.

One word of warning, though. Wedding planning boards can have some pretty disgusting-sounding abbreviations if you’re not used to thinking in those lines. The first time I saw a thread titled “Show me your STD’s” right under one called “BM troubles, please help!” I was kind of repulsed for a moment. (STD in weddingspeak is save the date, a useless thing if I ever heard of one, and bm is either bridesmaid or best man, depending on context.)