I saw that one - my favorite ABC After School Special EVER.
Well, maybe too late, but my advice is not to flyer; it’s just going to make you seem like a busibody. I mean, if you actually KNOW your neighbors, call them up and plot together, and if you’re on ‘saying hello’ terms you can bring it up after a bit of chatting, but – and this is just my opinion – I think flyering might make you look just as bad. And it will certainly piss off the noisemaker, which you should wait to do until necessary.
My advice is document everything, call the cops when it gets to the level of either plausibly dangerous or nuisance (i.e. like a loud party at 3 AM which cops are used to getting calls for), and regularly but not constantly complain to the management company. Recruit neighbors only as you are already talking to them; don’t go meet people just to organize revenge.
I’d try and have one non-angry conversation with the bitch during the day when hopefully she’s sober, just so you can say you tried.
Ever caught the boyfriend in the hallway or anything for a chat? It seems weird that he’d continue to visit if that’s the kind of treatment he receives. Surely there are other places in Chicago a young couple can sneak off to for a bit of nookie.
Or does he have to put up with it because he lives with them and has noplace else to go?
Back in the 90s I lived upstairs in a 4-plex. For about 3 months I lived next to scum of the earth. This couple were raging alcoholics who were mentally, emotionally and physically abusive with each other. They were both equally to blame for their pathetic lives. They would beat each other, throw things, scream unbelievably filthy accusations at each other. I complained, the downstairs neighbors complained. Then they disappeared. I’m thinking they probably didn’t pay the rent and oozed back into the darkness from which they came.
But speaking of murder…
One night the guy started pounding on my door and screaming that I had his dog. Now the dog was the only good thing about these people. But I digress. I didn’t open the door but informed him that I did not have his dog and did not know where the dog was. He continued pounding and screaming. Finally, I opened the door and again informed him that I did not have the dog. He was standing there weaving at the top of the stairs and I thought “all I have to do is reach out and…push” and he will fall down the stairs and break his neck. I really wanted to do it. But then I realized he might not die and might remember I pushed him and that would not be a good thing. So I slammed the door and he stumbled back into the hellhole he lived in. So, yeah, murder could work but just make sure there’s no chance she will live. 
Source her phone number, landlords phone number, building owners number. Include it on your flyer. Which should say you’ve had enough, need your sleep, and now call these numbers regularly to complain. Tell them if they are so disturbed, they are welcome to do the same.
Sorry to hear about your troubles, hope in all ends soon!
I had some guy pounding on my door screaming that I had his girlfriend (I did, just not at that moment). I did push him down the steps, twice. He did not die. He was drunk and drunks are really flexible. So I don’t recommend pushing down steps unless you are using a knife to do the pushing.
Obviously YMMV.
Nah, don’t give her ammo for a harassment suit.
It’s one thing to distribute flyers saying noise complaints can be reported to the landlord at 123-4567, but it is quite another to name the screamer or list her contact information.
I thought the number was either 555-1212, or maybe 867-5309…
You seem to have missed the fine print that says, “if you are White.” As it stands, you’ve had a public encounter with the woman and have solicited her murder on an easily-Googled message board. Sure, the boyfriend will be the prime suspect, and the daughter is next on the list, but not even Chicago cops would be so lazy as to not even question you. Unless, of course, the boyfriend is “ethnic.” Then you are home free.
Cousin Vinnie is a people person. Hey, Lynn, how’s Uncle Vito doing? 
Yeah, this is being moved to the Pit…
- Gukumatz,
IMHO Moderator
I’m too busy and important to read through everyone else’s replies, so, I apologize if this suggestion has already been offered:
MeanOldLady, seriously, you must not even joke around about murdering someone. That is something only a really, really mean old lady would do. Besides, homicide is one of those morally ambiguous type things that may even be illegal in your state.
No, what you should do is nail the offending neighbor’s hands and feet to a wall, à la “Jesus pose” (making sure you hit studs behind the drywall to prevent wriggling free). Then you want to get your Black & Decker and drill three 3/8th inch holes, approximately ½” deep, into her bones, through non-vital areas of soft tissue: one into her tibial tuberosity, one into the anterior superior iliac spine of her pelvis, and one mid-sternum. Then hammer an 8” long 3/8” dowel into each hole.
Now, paint the offending neighbor’s nose yellow and dab a little banana extract onto it. Then let loose your squirrel monkey (I assume you have a squirrel monkey? Otherwise whatever type of monkey you have must suffice). The monkey will, of course, swing up the first two dowels and onto the third, which he will perch on. What follows should teach the offending neighbor to no longer mess around with you (or your monkey, for that matter). If the message still is not clear, tell her, “next time, I come back with my other monkey, the diseased one.” (If you have to follow through on this, be sure the monkey is infected with something typically not fatal to humans, like monkey pox, not rabies or HIV (otherwise you get into that morally ambiguous homicide territory again). Hope this helps.
Tibby, I already suggested that, word for word. Think about that the next time you think you are too good to read through the replies, like the rest of us. It’s just common respect.
Duly noted, N,S (sorry, I’m too busy and important to write out every one’s name).
But, did you also discuss the monkey treatment for male offenders? Obviously, with males, one needs just two dowels (the perch extruding from the pelvis). Depending on the offender’s arousal level, however, the banana may grow significantly.
…and, depending on the outcum, this may be considered “wet work.”
Go with the flyer. I know it can work. I was kicked out of an apartment because the neighbors got together and had meetings to get us kicked out. The one Lady* who liked us told us about the kick out whitey parties. But we where four white guys in a black neighborhood each with girlfriends and friends at all hours. We each had different schedules. Usually at least one person crashing on the couch. Spontaneous parties. Even people meeting up at our place when none of us was home. And we hogged all the parking. So I don’t hold it against them.
- She was a High End Call Girl back in the '60’s in L.A. She would show us pictures of her with all the big time celebrates at the Players Balls. She would come over with homemade cookies and smoke out with us. God I miss her.
QFT. This also applies in public places. If it’s “your personal business”, keep it “personal” by keeping your volume below bellowing shriek so the rest of us don’t have to hear it even through earphones!
I like your style.
As many have said already - record.
Then play it back to them. Say, if they stop arguing at 3AM and go to sleep…play it back to them at 5AM. Or 10PM. Or both, 5AM and 10PM. And maybe 3PM for good measure. Once they get to hear themselves as others hear them, it should have an inhibiting effect.
This will draw more heat on them of course.
Plus it’s lot of fun. Trust me on this. This guy in the house next door to me had 4 Bouviers that he trained to be paranoid, stupid and irascible like himself. They would bark at birds. They would bark at falling leaves. They would bark if they heard a spoon clink against a teacup. They would sit on the second-floor landing and bark at us if they saw us move.
So we recorded them, and played them back to themselves. They absolutely hated it and would bark insanely. This drove their owner - well he was crazy already. Story short, he boarded up the windows on that side. We moved out when the lease was up. The guy was a drug dealer who didn’t understand that he was so obvious he might as well have had a neon sign out front.
Got into an argument with him once. I have no recollection what I said, as I was in a rage, and actually sort of blanked out. Anyway he was always polite after that.
Surprisingly, Uncle Vito passed away peaceably in his sleep a few years back, and is now resting quietly in an old Massachusetts graveyard. Well, I assume he’s resting quietly. I haven’t heard anything about him or from him.