Me too. I am so sick of hearing that women only like/date assholes. My BF is a sweetheart, and I am neither treating him like dirt or getting ready to leave him. Some girls are attracted to the bad guys, but just as many aren’t!
This whole thing is a bit odd. I consider myself firmly in the “nice guy” camp, but I recently shaved my head due to thinning hair, and the resultant “badass” look is getting me quite a bit more nookie.
I ask that you forgive the profanity in the following, wherein I will be replacing the term “bad guy” with “asshole”. I do this because it seems a more accurate term for the type of man I believe we’re discussing, and because I find it more suitable to the specific perception being discussed.
Proposition: !(All women only date assholes) Accepted. Now, can we see where that statement still leaves room for a scenario that might create impressions to the contrary? Heck, even !(Most women generally date assholes), which in and of itself would probably meet with some argument from the more frequently burninated representatives of my gender, isn’t a very far-reaching statement if accepted at face value.
In my personal experience, and that of many others, many women seem to choose to date men who are assholes. Now, factoring into that, we have:
The fact that the definition of “asshole” is subjective, and if we’re using mine (which, when considering my experience, we are), we are referring to roughly 90% of the male population, leaving women (who, oddly, comprise 100% of the other 50% of the population) without a heck of a lot of choice.
“Nice guys” are generally quiet in nature and don’t open themselves up very often. They will almost never make the first move, and may (due to shyness) not respond even if the woman takes the initiative. This renders “nice guys” much more difficult to find than the assholes.
The possibility that many assholes are quite capable of disguising their assholery from people who haven’t known them long enough to know better, thus making themselves seem like perfectly nice guys to women who may have just met them.
The possibility that some women’s primary interest in men is not based on personality, thus making the asshole question entirely irrelevant.
The possibility that some women just plain like assholes.
You are, of course, free to choose which of the above you accept as true, and then rank them by how much you believe they account for the (mis?)perception called into question by the OP. Personally, I believe they are all true to some degree, and I would rank #1 at 90% responsible for this belief (true to the root of its cause), #2 at 4%, and give the other three 2% each.
What does that mean? It means that, if you ask me personally, I think that the vast majority of women don’t want to date assholes, it’s just kinda hard to avoid. As always, YMMV.
I mean when guys say “she left me for him, even though he treats her bad”. Those kind of women are just stupid, (if he is really treating her badly)
“She left me for him because he drives a motorcycle/swings on a trapeze/does something outrageous I don’t”
I would think that one was self-evident but there’s only two options:
You really are the greatest guy on Earth and she’s a nincompoop and an idiot.
He possesses something you don’t. Self-confidence, a taste for the adventure, blah.
Now I am with a nice guy. He doesn’t ride a motorcyle (pity) no trapeze (thankfully). But I have no intentions to throw him over and chase after someone who’s either mean to me or does crazy things.
IF I WAS SINGLE: I might consider someone a little more wild, but most likely I would look for someone whose interests lined up so neatly with mine. Chances are I may never find such a person again, although this board would be an excellent place to look.