Thanks to those who understand. I just really needed to vent on it. I’ve had plenty of the disrespectful people in the past, but today they were coming out of the woodwork. It’s just too much. Yeah, I felt pretty hostile when I typed the OP. I got to go on break and I feel calmer now.
When I was in college (where people are supposed to be mature!) I had at least 5 classmates who were like this. They were backstabbing, spoiled princesses who only associated with each other (and the guys in class that they deemed attractive). The only time they would talk to me is when they wanted some kind of favor from me. Then they’d pour the sugar right on. I would think, “Well, maybe they’re not so bad after all” and go out of my way to help them out. I fell for it like a dumbass, every time. Every time, they returned to their nasty selves after. Asking me what size pants I wore. Asking me how many guys I’d dated. Watching me everytime I ate lunch so they could ask me if I was going to go on a diet. I guess I was deluding myself believing that maybe sometime they’d stop thinking of themselves as better than me. I thought that maybe the nicer I was, they’d think of me as a nice person. Guess what? After I graduated, I heard that
one of them had described me as a “chunky loser”.
If you take a nice dog and abuse it, that dog will eventually lash out in anger. The same goes for people.
It looks like I need to clarify, and I will again, that I’m not ranting at anyone just because they are skinny/rich/beautiful. As long as that person is a nice person I don’t give a damn how they look. I’m just overwhelmed by the amazing correlation between girls of this type and nasty attitudes towards anyone who doesn’t look like them. I mean, if I’m nice, it won’t hurt to be nice back. That’s all I ask.
What really deserves to be pitted here is the snooty and inconsiderate behavior of some of Amazon Floozy Goddess’ customers, not the outward appearances of the customers themselves. Rudeness from a poor fat black man deserves the same contempt that the rudeness from a skinny white rich girl does. But it appears AFG associates this bad attitude most closely with the type of customer she sees it in most often - skinny white girls.
Separating the bad behavior from the customer is hard, although AFG clearly attempted to do so in her OP when she noted that many of her skinny white girl customers are nice. But is it really necessary to further characterize her bitchy customers as “rich skinny white” bitches? That’s open to debate (and I can see a good GD topic in this one).
So, is AFG griping about her RSWG (rich skinny white girl) customers because she secretly resents their bodies/power/riches? Or simply because most/all of her bitchy customers are RSWGs? I have no idea, but it seems like a little from column A, and a little from column B.
Ah yes…
The “pretty people privilege”.
I handle travelers who are employed by my company as field salespersons. There are those that deserve (and receive) a greater amount of my attention and time; and generally get what they want because they have the rank that demands it or are valuable enough that the company allows it.
But the pretty women who use their looks to their advantage (and in their line of business, it’s certainly a tactic that works) who try to get me to bend rules for them tend to find their lame requests falling on deaf ears.
Frankly, I find that anyone who says to me “Isn’t there something better that you can do?” tends to turn me off immediately. As if I’m not already providing my best service.
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Oh, and just because I’m a guy with this type of eye…
I used to really hate it when people did this when I’m just blowing off steam, but then I started listening to them, and I find I have a lot less steam to blow off . . . So here goes:
Amazon Floozy Goddess, it sucks having to deal with people like that, but what sucks more is that you’re taking the negativity they radiate at you, absorbing it into yourself, and nurturing it with your own negative feelings.
It does hurt when people treat you poorly. And in a perverse way, it might feel good at the time to take notice of every slight, each one providing more evidence that you’re right, and they’re awful. And it surely does help to pass the time to spend your shift mentally composing your pit rant, growing angrier and angrier as time goes on.
And once you post it, you can continue to seethe. Some posters will encourage you, justifying your anger. Some posters will argue with you, which just makes you angry at them and angrier still at the people you ranted about.
And then you go to work the next day, and . . . Has venting actually improved your mood? Really?
So you get a snotty customer every once in a while who goes out of their way to make you feel inferior. Well, you can LET them have that effect on you, or you can laugh it off, thinking “Jeepers, 19 years old and already a dried-up old prune,” and get on with your day of helping mostly nice, polite customers. This is advice from someone who’s been caught in that kind of a cycle of negativity: You don’t ahve to let the bitchy minority own your emotions!
That doesn’t indicate to me that she is jealous of how they appear and are reading into harmless actions (or lack thereof). She specifically said that there are people who look similar but are nice and treat her as a human being (instead of an automaton) and they are specficially excluded. I really don’t think “it’s all in her head” or that she’s projecting, if she has this here.
More to the point, there is a school of thought that states that we (as an animal) are inherently good at this and that, indeed, this type of empathy and social behavior was and is one of our natural advantages.
But she’s only basing that on, it seems, facial expressions and the fact that the girl was acting “delicate.”
If they were actually out and out nasty, yeah, I could see. But nothing in her OP convinced me that these girls are actually thinking what she assumes they are.
Well, even though we’re supposedly finely tuned into interpreting body language, sometimes we well and truly suck at it; if that weren’t the case, it’d probably cut out a significant percentage of dating and relationship problems. The quote that the board snipped out from AFG mentions not smiling and barely responding. That’s me before my morning caffeine, personally. Hell, I don’t smile much during typical interactions as a customer, because I think my smile isn’t that hot and can look more like a smirk. If I’m feeling decent I at least try to say please and thank you, and make eye contact.
I think AFG has some valid points, sure. I suspect the post as written would have been a better entry for a LiveJournal, and trimmed down could have worked better here. I also suspect that there are a good number of customers who do not fit the thin fashionista mold and still look down their nose at her. I know I’ve seen plenty of customers (by standing in line with them, I don’t work retail) in my town who act snooty towards anyone in a “subservient” position to them.
Well, what you and some of the others posters are missing is that often, the behaviour is brought about by the looks. No, not always, but often enough to make it a PITA.
Think about it, pretty little rich girl growing up, she is treated like a princess and given everything she wants without having to lift a finger. She’s “daddy’s little princess” and spoiled accordingly. Friends and family, schoolmates etc are always praising her about her LOOKS. So, what is it that she prizes about herself and others? And what is the yardstick by which she measures their worth? Yeah, theeir looks and likely their spot on the status ladder, especially among the HS/college age group.
And as another poster stated, and quite well, when a person is used to obtaining things, and people by virtue of the looks and/or status, how much incentive do they have to develop a personality, or integrity, skills etc.
From what I gather, and IME, it’s more what I and other posters have described, that of, a lot of these RSWG already have the “entitled” bitchy attitude, so it’s as if the two go hand in hand with a lot of these girls (not ALL, but a damn lot of them).
And as someone else mentioned, once they’ve gone around the block and had a few School of Hard Knocks lessons in reality, many of them develop personalities, and possibly even a brain.
?? Delicate? In my book, not looking at and not responding to the person who is WAITING ON YOU, is pretty damn “out and out nasty”.
Not responding to a person, in a way, is worse that a direct nasty remark, it’s that creepy passive-aggressive type confrontation.
But in that case, I agree with another poster who said earlier (paraphrased) to “kill them with kindness”. Honest that will drive a snooty little bitch NUTS if you don’t even notice her attempts to dismiss you
I was once like this, and it did indeed make me go crazy. I was a little on the heavy side through childhood, and was definitely a dorky dresser, but it didn’t bother me because it had never occurred to me to care about how I looked, or about how others thought I looked. The negative self-body-image started back in middle school, where there was this girl who decided to pick on me. She did this because she really didn’t like herself, and so felt the need to belittle others to make herself feel better (but I didn’t know this at the time, and didn’t learn it till many years later).
Anyhoo, she found a way to pick on my physical appearance - loudly, always in front of others - every day. Whether it be my clothes, hair, weight, the way I walked, spoke, ANYthing - this bitch found something wrong with me and would let me know so. The real low point was when I got all dressed up (nicely, I must say) for my very first school dance, and while others were giving me compliments, she said with the utmost disdain: “You’re wearing too much blush.” I ran away crying because I wasn’t wearing blush. In fact, I wasn’t wearing ANY make up. I just have really rosy cheeks all the time!
:smack:
I was too young and inexperienced in the socialization process at the time to recognize this girl for what she was and what her behavior represented - her own insecurity and general bitchiness. She really got to me over 3 years, and by the end of 8th grade it got so bad that I would be sitting in class, trying to concentrate on an assignment but all I could think about was what some girl sitting across from me thought about the way I looked. It made me disgusted with myself and with the people I perceived were constantly judging me (especially HER!).
Flash forward a few years. I met some really awesome, anti-shallow people in high school who liked me for who I was and that was that. I got so sick of wondering about my image that I finally said “fuck it” and chose not to let it bother me any longer, because it really was driving me crazy. Every now and then it still comes back to bite me (especially when clothes shopping!), but in those moments I focus on the things I really like about myself (inward and outward) and realize what a beautiful person I am. And tell everyone that would judge me based on my appearance to fuck off!
I took me years to learn this. A-MEN to that!!!
Plus, I’m an official nerd girl. After that thread, I feel super-attractive in my own right!
There is a lot of imagination going on in this thread. How on earth can people perceive to know so much about someone from a brief interaction while shopping??!? Talk about generalizations.
I guess I take this post as personally as the OP has appeared to because I’ve had something similar happen to me, but in reverse.
I’m not an overly outgoing person. I tend to keep to myself and not look for opportunitites to chit chat, especially with strangers. At work I’m mostly business. I don’t socialize or gossip with people I work with, I stick to business and stay very busy.
During my undergrad years, I could barely pay tuition and living expenses and barely had money for food. I never bought clothes, shoes, purses, etc. I worked my way college (both times) and didn’t have help from my family. Now that I make a pretty good living (especially for a single woman) I DO buy nice clothes, expensive purses, nice shoes, and whatever else I want to get. Why? Because it’s my money and I earned it.
About a year ago our desk clerk decided to move out of state. The staff had a potluck and going away party for her. I happily made a dish and brought it in for the potluck. I entered the breakroom and walked to the table to put it down. The guest of honor approached me and (in front of everyone) told me that she didn’t want my fake attempt at being nice. I was dumbfounded. She proceeded to tell me that she hated my skinny, uppity, snotty ass and was glad for the chance to tell me so. She said I was a snob and she was tired of the dirty looks I gave her and how I looked down upon her because she was “fat, uneducated, and not a spoiled little bitch.” I honestly had no idea where she was coming from. She went off about how not everyone had everything handed to them like me and how I wasn’t any better than anyone else.
After a little discussion I found that she ASSumed that my family paid for my schooling. To hear her tell the story, I’ve had everything handed to me all of my life. And the hating her because she’s fat thing? That’s because I said to her “Oh, no thanks… I don’t eat donuts” when she offered me a Krispy Kreme, and I didnt want to participate in their daily fast food outing because I try to stay away from eating much fast food. I guess that makes me hate her because she’s overweight. I’m a snob because I didn’t to go to movies or to dinner or out gambling with them after work. The uppity part? She’d told me about somebody downtown who sold fake Prada bags and I politely told her that I’d be afraid to buy them. I never ignored her, never looked down upon her, never had a bad thought about her but she imagined all these things, so in her mind they were all true. Hardly fair to me.
The reality is that you can’t always judge people by the way they look and you can’t presume to know someone by a brief interaction. More often than not, I think we’re taking our own insecurities and projecting them on that person.
I shudder to think of the comments that would be posted if the OP were a very thin girl and she talked about punching an overweight woman in her big belly instead of knocking down a thin person. What if it were a small woman saying “I bet those big flabby legs of yours couldn’t help you run from me if I wanted to fight you.” instead of making snide comments about anorexia. All hell would break loose with people calling “fat bashing.” Double standard.
Of course I still have issues and I fully expect to always have issues. I had an episode last night with Ardred about compliments. I was laying there in bed crying and feeling sorry for myself when I started (quite spontaneously) about how I’m so proud of myself for not worrying about these things every day.
Anywho. Your first post, Amazon Floozy Goddess did come across as a bit of a projection, but your calmer follow up convinced me that you’re not projecting.
If you replace “skinny rich white girls” with “middle aged male white MBA students” you’ve got my rant. Of course not all MBA people are complete pricks, but if someone is a prick, it’s a good bet they’re getting an MBA paid for by the company they work for.
What Daisy Mae said. I’ve offered up instances where body language was misread. So has she.
The so-called “look” could mean any one of things. I already stated that in the past, people had accused me of having this look. I said I mistook the look on a friend’s face for it. And obviously, she must be psychic, because the OP KNOWS what they’re thinking.
No you don’t. You’re not psychic. They could be having a bad day. They could be tired. There could be a hundred reasons why they’re not talkative.
And maybe they ARE snobs. That still doesn’t mean it’s anything personal.
And finally-if you don’t like being looked down on for being overweight, then fucking STOP making comments about “anorexic hags” or whatever. It just makes you a fucking hypocrite.
The first statement was in answer to a specific statement, that of why snootiness frequently gets associated with skinny white rich girl syndrome. And meeting and knowing those people doesn’t always, or even as a norm take place only while shopping. We grow up with the privileged and the beautiful ones, we might be related to them, maybe even have them as friends, coworkers or neighbors. Nowhere did I say that because some girls behave snottily when shopping, that that was the entirety of my statement.
U,mmm, then you’re not the type of person the OP is about.
OH. MY. GOD. In front of EVERYONE? What a stupid bitch!
No, not at all fair to you. And that is not where my post was going anyway. Again, mine was in response to another poster’s who was questioning the rich white girl being snooty and looking down on people. And I merely made the point that because of their raising, and should have added that it’s not necessarily their fault, they weren’t taught any better, many of those girls do turn out that way.
And, some of them are the ones who act all superior with store clerks and waitresses.
The OP made it quite clear that she wasn’t painting all tall thin rich girls with the same brush.
You’re right, it would. You knowwhy? Becuase “lookism” and classism do exist. Particularly in that age group. Most people in this thread, including me, were merely pointing that out, NOT endorsing it.
I have a similar, though not as horrible story as yours. There was a woman at a company where I used to work. She was a small, slim, gorgeous blond woman. The rest of us, many of us reasonably cute in our own rights, but clearly out of herl league, were polite to her, but we didn’t really talk much with her. Not in any mean way such as your situation, just out of not knowing “how” to talk or include someone like her.
I was assigned to help her in her office for a two or three day project. Like most of the other women, I was intimidated by this playmate lookalike, and was pretty shy around her. Gradually we began talking and joking about stuff. I’m naturally goofy and gregarious, and have a hard time stifling it, even when intimidated.
And do you know what she said to me??? She said “oh, I’m SO glad you’re here to talk to me, none of the other women ever do, I don’t think they like me”. I was SO floored. (this was decades ago, in my 20s). It had never occurred to me, or apparently to any of the other women, that anyone that gorgeous would want to have anything to do with the likes of us. We’d been nervous of “bothering” her.
Well, after I got over my shock, I told her just that. It made her feel a lot better. And after that, we all started making more of an effort to include her in stuff.
At any rate. There ARE ways to behave snootily that, even if you are only having a momentary transaction with a clerk, are QUITE obvious, and they are meant to be.
No one is saying that all slim pretty white girls (of which I used to be one :D) are snooty rich bitches. But there are a lot of them, and they do make their presence known to those they feel are “beneath” them, they DO do it on purpose. And it’s just as unpleasant, especially on a constant basis, if you’re one of the “not so” beautiful people, as what happened to you.
My apologies, sincerely. I was so hyper to make my point I forgot to put in that I was just using your quote as an example of what people think. My rant was not directed toward you. Again, sorry.
No problem. But it’s funny (peculiar, not ha-ha), that the same awful thing that happened to you, does happen to the “less beautiful” and given their already tortured pasts, they can often not only feel, but actually BE tortured thusly by some members of “the beautiful people”.
That’s not to say that the beautiful people don’t also have a cross to bear for their looks. Sheesh, I wish we were all gorgeous. At leat then that part of life would be easier.
Yes. I’d also like to add that alot of the times I’ve noticed this behavior it’s been with younger girls (17-22ish) who sometimes lack the maturity and tact, to keep their thoughts from being blatantly broadcast by their facial expressions.
