I’m wondering if ANYONE actually read the OP, since she said she works at a University, but lots of the replies bewilderingly talked about her working in retail. (Just because there are customers and money doesn’t make it retail (Bursar’s office, library, etc.) ) And then everyone is jumping on the OP for “making assumptions”. Why do some of YOU assume she is reading their body language and tone of voice incorrectly? If she was the sort of person who can’t read people well, she’d probably take their words at face value and just have a fairly neutral experience. My husband is one of those who can’t read people, and most veiled nasty comments sail over his head. They’re mostly from his sisters, but that’s another story.
Another thought, though, OP. I don’t doubt that the skinny rich chicks are nasty, but seriously, it might not be that personal. They may be that nasty to everyone in a position to serve them, or just everyone, period. I’ve known people like that. Even if you were tall, thin, and posessed the “right” overpriced crap, they’d just find another reason to be nasty.
Good lord, did we have the same adolesence? I had people threaten to beat me up because I gave them “dirty looks” and was (and am) constantly told “you’ve got a beautiful smile, you don’t smile enough!”. Bit of a back-handed compliment, IMHO.
So I see your point here. A lot of people can read way too much into facial expressions and imagine entire personalities that are just way off base, as Daisy Mae’s horrific experience can show.
However, I also agree with CanvasShoes. There are very specific, blatent and intentional ways of being bitchy that require no words whatsoever. When I worked retail I got the “bitch” treatment often. I work in politics now and let’s just say that if a sorority were to form tomorrow, I wouldn’t be at all suprised. When you’re young and inexperienced you learn to see right through the condescending smiles and “you are so not worth my time” glances.
Non-verbal signals can be both a strong and effective means of communication. To presume otherwise is foolish.
It’s a situation that I think goes beyond “spoiled” and “pampered”, or “uppity” people. I’ve worked retail and service jobs, and honestly I think it’s the perception that anyone giving “Customer Service” is “The Help” - and we don’t treat The Help like people, good heavens, they might get ideas about reaching beyond their station!
I’ve noticed it in every service job I’ve held, regardless of the type - that sometimes, my customers just assume I’m just “The Help” and therefore can be abused, lied about (to my BOSS), and generally mistreated. It cuts across all demographic lines, too: I’ve been treated nicely by people who appear to be extremely well-off (and even some of the Daddy’s Little Princessess), and I’ve been subject to swearing and abuse by Welfare Queens.
It’s just the way things are, and you can’t let it get to you, or you’ll go insane. Me? I just hate dealing with people now. I still have to, and I do it well - but I’ve nothing but contempt for the customers who treat me like The Help. I don’t let them know that, of course!
I apologize if my post earlier came across as insensitive. Of course it’s possible to gauge people’s attitudes based on how they look at and speak to you. I think some people are better at accurately reading body language, whereas others–like myself–suck at it. I know I suck at it, so I don’t even try to guess what’s going on in someone’s head. This also means I’m hesitant to believe others when they tell me what so-and-so’s thinking. But this isn’t nice to do.
I’m a very shy person with a solemn face. I’m also light-skinned (for a black person). When I was a schoolgirl, a girl had gotten to know me in class and we became friends. Later she confessed that she had originally thought I was a snob. Me, the biggest nerd in the school, a snob? I can only guess she thought that because 1) my body language was so reserved and 2)she thought all light-skinned people were snobs around dark-skinned people. But I wasn’t trying to be a snob (honest!) She had totally misread my personality.
Maybe the people you’re having a problem with have no idea how badly they look.
Maybe all they need is someone to gently point it out to them. Like, you could say, “Is something the matter?” or “Having a bad day?” when you’re interacting with them. I hate when people say, “Smile!” because I might have a real reason to be sad. But if someone asked if I was having a rotten day and I’m not, it would be a clue that I’m throwing off the wrong signals. I would then try to “fix my face”, so to speak.
My mother always tolkd me, “you can always tell a lady or a gentleman by how they treat the help.” I once broke up with a man after one date—he took me to a nice restaurant and yelled at the waiter.
Hmm, I’ve noticed the opposite. IME, good looking folk tend to be sunnier and easier to get along with than those less pretty. It’s immensely unfair, of course, but since they’ve been treated well since childhood (they are less likely to have been bullied, have more positive reactions when meeting people, and receive constant positive reinforcements of self-esteem) they often grow into well-adjusted and easy-to-know adults. (Even in adult-hood, it has been shown that more attractive people have better job prospects, receive more assistance from others, get better cooperation in group situations, receive more self-disclosure from others and are less likely to be convicted of crime.) Giving this, is it not beyond consideration that better-looking people commonly develop into more confident, trusting and kind (in that kindness begets kindess) adults?
OTOH, less-attractive kids who grow up in an low self-esteem environment attendant with bullying and fewer friends sometimes turn into bitter, sarcastic, untrusting and quick-to-judge adults. To take an analogy, which grows into the more pleasant dog: the fluffy golden retriever pup who’s showered with hugs and kisses, or the runt who gets kicked and beaten?
We all have our own anecdotes, but for myself I’ll confidently state that the most attractive people I know are fun-loving, decent people with great self-confidence. They’re chatty and personable and I can joke with them about anything. Around a few less-attractive people I know, OTOH, I step cautiously because they find it harder to open up, are less trusting and are quick to see insult where none is intended. They’ve had a harder lot in life and it shows in the relationships they form with other people.
This is NOT to say, of course, all pretty people grow up kind and personable–an excess of good looks comes with its own set of neuroses and flaws–nor is it to say that the less-attactive don’t develop into well-rounded, personable adults. But it’s not entirely unfair to say that for every pretty, skinny, shallow and mean bitch out there, there’s more than a few bitter, no self-confidence, nasty fat cows* who have trouble acting reasonably in normal human relations.
(None of this aimed at anyone in this thread. I’m sure you’re all lovely folk. And no, I’m not one of the beautiful people.)
- Words chosen to reflect the epithets thrown the way of skinny folk in this thread.
Give the same level of service to each and every one of your customers. You don’t have to like them, you merely have to provide whatever service it is that you’re being paid to provide. If a customer smiles, is appreciative, and chatty - great, that’s a plus. If not, ignore the negative vibe, do whatever it is you’re supposed to do to help the customer, and they’ll soon be gone and out of your hair.
In my experience, people who have condescending attitudes aren’t talking about you behind your back or paying you the slightest bit of extra attention. They’re not spending their time thinking about you, you don’t need to spend your time thinking about them (anymore than is needed to do your job).
I agree that there are rude and inconsiderate people out there. I served some very nice tall, thin and very beautiful people that were exceptionally nice customers. I have also served some fat, ugly, and old people that were extremely rude and treated me like crap. It certainly doesn’t mean that all or even most fat or ugly people are rude and elitist.
I think you are projecting somewhat and combining it with your desire to find a pattern you forget that there are just as many rude fat and ugly people. Don’t worry, every does this quite often, we are hardwired to find patterns of behavior.
Hell, I am a pretty nice guy and I have been told by people that thier first impresison of me was a snobby pretty boy. I have had many bad experiences in trying to socialize with people so I tend to not go out of my way to talk to people. Lest some pretty, tall and thin girl think I am being a perverted old man and hitting on them. Because one thing I have noticed about pretty girls is that they think anybody talking to them is hitting on them. Strange people talking to me in the bathroom tend to make me put up my defensive walls as well.
It could be your attitude as well. If you are grumpy or even appear that way, I sure as hell wouldn’t make small talk or joke around with you. I am not going to open up myself for potential “harm” if the person looks like they are the type that will judge me instantly by my looks and assign personality traits to me based off that. Those types of cashiers or employees I tend to give my money and leave as quickly and effieciently as possible.
Ugh, preach it. When someone is rude to “the help” it’s most certainly a deal breaker for me. It’s easy and expected for someone to be nice and considerate to someone on the same or higher social/professional “rung” on the ladder as they are. It takes a genuinely decent person to be nice and considerate to someone on a lower social/professional “rung” than themselves. You can tell so much about a person by how they treat people in service roles.*
I was once out to dinner with my then boyfriend and his sister. I always went out of my way to be super nice and friendly to his family (duh) but the way his sister was treating the server was so obnoxious, as an X server, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I apologized to the server for his sister’s behavior (in front of the sister) and proceeded to tell dear sister exactly what I thought of her behavior once the server was out of earshot. There was just no excuse for it. Amazingly, my boyfriend at the time didn’t immediately dump my ass for telling off one of his family members. As a matter of fact, he thought I rocked.
*[sub]I’m aware that the above paragraph will probably come across to some as being “uppity” in and of itself. I apologize for that, I just couldn’t for the life of me think of a better way to phrase it. I probably will once I have my morning coffee and will then proceed to smack myself upside the head, but for now, ya’ll know what I mean…[/sub]
I’m shocked that there’s so much scepticism about the demographic in question’s existence! My experience has not always, or even often, included “rich”, but I know exactly who you’re talking about and how to identify them at 30 paces.
I don’t know that it means they’re genuinely decent people, lez, so much as it means they’re not flaming assholes. My mother always taught me that you treated each and every human being with a certain level of dignity and respect, no matter what. People are people, regardless of income, social position, or job status, and a civlized person’s behavior reflects that.
Ok, so it can be difficult at times to decipher body language, it may well be that some of these young women were just having a bad day, but let’s take it as read that at least one of them IS actually a disdainful snooty bitch with her head stuck up her own ass.
Amazon Floozy Goddess, if she really is feeling superior to you because of your looks or body type, it doesn’t matter if she thinks you’re a tentacled purple alien, or the goddess of cool: she’s a bubblebrain and her opinions have no validity. Would you be interested in her thoughts on world politics or the price of eggs? No, I thought not. So how can it possibly matter what she thinks of you? Dismiss her from your mind instantly, don’t waste even one brain cell on her.
When people feel that they must impress their superiority on others, it’s generally because they feel that other people might not recognise their superiority if it’s not pointed out. If your entire self worth rests on your exterior appearance, and you see someone else apparently leading a normal, happy existence without looking like a carbon copy of yourself, it can be a little alarming. If all you have to offer is that you are thin, blond and rich, and you realise that other people manage to get by without being any of these things, then what do you really have to offer? If you haven’t managed to develop a likeable personality, then there’s not much left.
And just ask yourself - would any of them have managed to come up with a screen name half as good as yours?
I think you may be arguing about the needle being on the right of centre vs. on the left while I’m arguing about the needle being deep in the red vs. at zero. In fact, in general I agree with your statements with the caveat that we are talking about people who are attractive, but not necessarily drop-dead gorgeous. I think it is a great advantage to personality development to be attractive and pleasing to the eye, but many people fit that category. It helps with self-confidence and self-esteem, because you would have been less likely to have been picked on, excluded or whatever. No argument there.
What I meant was people who are exceptionally beautiful. I mean gorgeous. These people can be fantastic human beings, with great personalities. However, I have experienced them from both angles and have seen where AFG is coming from here. Having a level of attractiveness that goes beyond “he/she’s cute” can be detrimental in an unfortunate way, because let’s face it, we all notice these people and they get attention that even attractive but not stunning people get. I’m not saying this applies to everyone in this category, but it definitely does happen. The attention causes them to feel special, and lack appreciation for things that other people have to work hard for. So that’s really what I meant. And that’s why I sympathize with AFG’s point. However, she would do well to ignore it because beauty fades and one day those girls will go crazy trying to keep themselves perfect.
Excellent points. Yes, it seems that this sort of treatment by a lot of customers is pretty common in the service industry.
Huh.
Am I the only person who has been around here for something like five years and is learning that a bunch of regular posters are actually women?
[Peter Griffin Moment]
Holy Crap! Uhura is black!?!?
[/Peter Griffin Moment]
-Joe, paddle ball