I have every sympathy when a child cries… my heart goes out to them. But these kids that stand there, making crying noises with no tears, just because they didnt get whatever they wanted, man those kids piss me off. Its so obvious that thye arent hurt, or in distress, they just wanted something, their parents refused so they hit the waterworks. And if they lack the ability to cry on cue, hey, just make the crying noise as loud as you can kid.
If I ever decide to burden mankind with my spawn, I’m going to make damn sure they know that when they cry, they better be crying for a reason. When I hear my kids cry, I’ll know something is wrong, that they are hurt, or sick, or sad, or in need of my parental godamn kindness, which I will provide. A child crying should be like an alarm that something is wrong. As we’ve all been taught, you shouldnt set off alarms unless there is need, otherwise people get used to you crying wolf, and dont believe you when you do start crying about how you really have fallen off the jungle gym and are really hurt, and I dont pass any remarks and your mother says whats wrong with Bubastis jnr? Hes crying an awful lot… And I say, hey, its just the crocodile tears again, I really wish he’d knock it off and the kid dies from internal bleeding or some shit.
Aren’t they cute when they’re all idealistic and clueless? Seriously bubastis it’s not like a “plug and play” program. Insert appropriate parental response here and reap instant appropriate child action. They’re not little machines.
However, I agree that being subjected to someone’s brat’s misbehaviour in public is both annoying and rude on the part of the parent who refuses to remove their child from the area (unless of course there is NO other solution, for instance you are in the grocery store and must have diapers or food or are trapped on a plane with a teething baby or something).
If I had a nickel for every time I have done something as a parent that I said I would never do before I became a parent, well, I would have a hell of a lot of nickels.
I was at Target today, and there was a little girl, maybe 3 or 4, who was screaming her booty off. It wasn’t like she was crying, she was just screaming for no reason. I was standing a good twenty yards away and my ears were hurting.
A woman looking at clothes next to me finally did the loud “SHHH!!” thing. But it didn’t work.
Her mother didn’t say anything to her, but that doesn’t mean anything. Maybe the girl was handicapped or something. You never can tell.
Anything could be the case. Unfortunately, too often it’s people who simply don’t care and are somehow magically immune to the earsplitting shrieks of their own offspring.
Well, what was she supposed to do? Walk out without completing her transaction? Why? That just teaches the kid that all he has to do to get his mom to do what he wants is open his mouth and scream. Spank the kid? That, to me, would be an appropriate resonse, but I’m a barbarian who believes it’s okay to spank a child when they misbehave. There are people, however, who call spanking “child abuse.” Some child advocates have lobbied to have spanking outlawed as cruel and unusual punishment. Thanks, but I’d rather not have some rent a cop go all apeshit on me just because I disciplined my child in public.
Basically, this woman’s choices have been limited. She can either try and admonish her child verbally and apologize to the clerk (which she did, and she was probably plenty embarrassed), or she can take her son and leave, which doesn’t address the issue at all, just takes the problem out of your immediate area. No doubt she had a “chat” with her son after they left and she more than likely punished him.
Not what I was getting at; there are people that think adequate verbal punishment is saying the kids name sharply. In your case: “Maureen! Maureen!”
I’ve seen parents (mostly mothers) that have done this, repeatedly, because they dont know what else to do. Meanwhile the kid keeps going ratshit. By all means, finish your transaction, but make more of an effort to keep your kid under wraps, instead of just repeating his name: an act which gets just as irratating as the kid himself.
Verbal methods work just fine. My mother could back then, and still can now, quiet me down with a single damned word. Although I suppose I might be something of a more humble individual if she had taken the cane to my rear and shown me the true meaning of humility.
But I digress. Seeing those ‘crocodile tears’ has always made me a tad annoyed. Partly due to the shrill howling of a kid I could have easily mistaken to be a bat with a megaphone strapped to it’s mouth, but also in part due to the fact that it would be far simpler for the mother to reprimand the kind in a better way than yelling little Timmy’s name.
Well, bubastis , the other more frightening response would be to give “Timmy” what he was screaming for. It would certainly turn off the momentary cacaphony of kid noise, but then one day, Timmy will be the adult asshole with entitlement issues. Giving in to shut the kid up will only make it worse, believe me.
My preference would be that the mom tell “Timmy” what the outcome of his behaviour would be, i.e. “keep it up and you won’t be coming with me next time”, or something - but doing anything a kid wants, just to keep it quiet just escalates the problem.
Yes, I get what you’re saying. But it isn’t that they don’t know what else to do. It’s that they aren’t allowed to do it at that point.
Case in point. My monsters are actually pretty well mannered. Still, when they were very little they both pulled the temper tantrum in the store thing. Both of them, because they didn’t get something they wanted and I was a mean evil mom lady who said no. They only did it a couple times each, and I addressed it after we got out of the store, but the point is: people in those stores didn’t know that. For all they knew, my kids were willful horrible little snots all the time. One example doesn’t make it chronic behavior, and it certainly doesn’t mean the moms don’t know what to do. It means the kids were acting like kids.
I used to say “when I have kids…” quite a bit. It’s amazing how a little personal experience can change your mind. “My children will never act like that” escaped my lips more than once. I can’t believe I was so naive as to think I’d have complete control over my child at all times. A two year old doesn’t apply logic about when to cry and when not to. You can’t tell an 18 month old “don’t cry unless you’re hurt or sad” and expect that child to react appropriately. They’re not mini adults. Being rational doesn’t really apply when it comes to getting what they want.
You have never met my three year old daughter. A more determined child you have never met. Words bounce off of her like bullets off of superman. My wife’s sister is a clinical psychologist and the subject of my daughter’s personality came up during a visit. My SIL tried to do a demonstration a gentle disapproval and verbal commands to corral her. Talk about crash and burn. I thought my daughter was going to put her on a sandwich and just devour her.
I don’t mean that my daughter is out of control at all. We get compliments on her behavior all the time. She is just extremely defiant and does exactly what what says she is going to do and nothing short of physical intervention will usually stop her. She is hilarious and smart in ways that make her get punished almost every day in whatever creative way my wife and I can come up with.
You have to modify the technique to the child. Nothing works with all of them.
Oh, of course. It doesn’t work under all circumstances, but I think verbal punishment is something of an underrated method, if used right. Not to say you should completely demolish the kid like I’ve seen some friends of the family do. Dear god, I’ve seen some brutal stuff.
My response to crocodile tears is “life is tough” and move on.
I think parents should invest in their kids. Tell the kid what to expect: we’re getting the oil changed and the heading to Target.
How about including your kid in the shopping? I did colors and shapes and all manner of things with the little ones–they soon learned to recognize the soup cans and other items–it was a game to them.
If they’re really obstreperous–leave the damned store. I only had to do this once with each child. Sitting in their car seat with a silent Mommy in a non-moving car did have its effect on them.
For real hooligans–keep the errands short and keep the kid occupied.
I swear, my heart goes out to those kids I see strapped in the strollers at the mall. Mom is spending the day browsing and Jr is miserable and bratty–2 years old and on his second hour of “don’t touch”, “don’t run/walk away from me–just sit in the stroller”–it’s crazy.
But crocodile tears are easily dealt with (as long as you are sure they’re not real…)
It’s amazing to me how early the crocodile tears start. WhyBaby’s developmentally 7 months old now, and she was playing this “game” with us earlier today. She’s safely in her “Baby Jail”, playing with some toys, when I walk out of the room to fold some laundry.
“Waaaaah!” I hear. I run back in.
Smiles.
The little beast has figured out how to make Mommy come back! We had a hell of an afternoon breaking up that little game. And of course, as soon as she realized the gig was up, she started crying in earnest! (So then, of course, I did come back to her and pick her up.)
When WhyKid pulled crocodile tears a bit older, the best way to get him out of it was to go “Waaaaaah!” back at him. He was so startled, he’d start laughing. Then I quickly convinced him that laughing was much more likely to get him his way than wailing.
She’s awesome - meeting everything like clockwork from her adjusted age (her age figured from her due date, not her birth date.) She’s just the most awesome, cute thing evah! But she is learning to be manipulative, and I can see her turning into a real Spoiled Princess if we don’t watch it! So I’m taking steps now to nip that in the bud!
