I pit dating

The BBQ Pit
81

[QUOTE=BwanaBob]
I don’t have a stake in this thread (married 10 years) but this remark always gets me. What’s the deal with self-confidence being an attention getter? […] When I chased women, their “self-confidence” was not in the top 10 qualities I used to gauge my interest.

Am/was I so out of step with mainstream thinking?
[/QUOTE]
Afraid so. As far as dating goes, self-confidence is a necessity only for men. Women need only enough of it so they’re not painfully shy. Men need to have enough not just to negotiate the ritual, but enough left over to project it and reassure women.

82

All you guys (and girls) bemoaning single life and dating and how crappy it is for you, you have two choices - suck it up and keep trying to get what you want, or give up. That’s it. Those are your only two choices. Accept what is and move forward, grasshoppers.

For those of you thinking, “Yeah, it’s easy to be all zen about it once you’ve GOT a good relationship,” I did my time in the trenches, too. I met my husband when I was 32, after a lifetime of being asked out by, oh, virtually nobody. I don’t feel too sorry for you guys who get rejected every day of your life; I was available, attractive, quite personable, and nobody was interested. The occasional guy I asked out shot me down flat. Maybe you guys need to look a little harder - us quiet girls who don’t stand out in a crowd are real gems, you know. I know guys look right through me, like I’m part of the scenery - I see it in their faces. My husband bothered to actually look at me, and we both deserve the happy relationship we’ve got.

83

[QUOTE=AHoosierMama]
I pit everyone that posts ten paragraphs about this really cool person they’d like to ask out but just can’t figure out the best approach. Is it really THAT painful to get rejected once in a while? If you wanna go out with someone - ask 'em out! You’re bound to get a yes every now and then.
[/QUOTE]

This was the only way I ever got dates. I asked. I would sneak up on a lady and speak while her back was turned. Every once in a while I caught one off guard. :slight_smile:

84

[QUOTE=tdn]
No.

No.

No.

No, thanks.

No.

No.

No fucking way, loser.

No.

No.

No.

I don’t think so.

No.

That’s really flattering, and thanks! But no.

No.

No.

No way!.

No.

No.

Creep.

No.

No.

But keep at it! Someone might eventually say… No. Oh, and make sure you project self-confidence!

But no.
[/QUOTE]

How long did this go on for? One night? A week? A year? your lifetime?

85

[QUOTE=fatherly]
I did my time in the trenches, too. I met my husband when I was 32, after a lifetime of being asked out by, oh, virtually nobody.
[/QUOTE]

I’m shocked. A sweetheart like you? Just think of all of the guys that admired you from afar and didn’t have the courage to even speak to you. Probably married to shrews now. Oh well, should have spoken up.

86

A single friend of mine swears that it’s impossible to find a straight, single woman in this town who is 1) Beautiful 2) Smart and 3) Sane. If you’re lucky, you’ll get two out of three.

87

[QUOTE=burundi]
A single friend of mine swears that it’s impossible to find a straight, single woman in this town who is 1) Beautiful 2) Smart and 3) Sane. If you’re lucky, you’ll get two out of three.
[/QUOTE]

I agree with your three criteria. Let’s assume there are some basic universal standards for them; the way I see it:

If she’s got 1, the chances of her having 2 are OK but 3 is a near impossibility.

If she’s got 1 and 2, she NEVER has number 3.

If she’s got 3, chances are slim for 1 and chances are good she’s got a mild case of 2.

Bottom line: Beautiful woman are oftentimes crazy as hell, smart women are rarely beautiful, sane women tend to be mediocre on both counts.

88

[QUOTE=tdn]
I left out a number of variations on a hideous theme. Here’s an oldie but still one of my favorites:

Her: I had a great time tonight!

Me: Me too! I’ll call you in a couple of days.

Her: Great! I look forward to it! Please call me! I can’t wait 'til you call me! Make sure you call me!

A couple of days later

Roommate: Hello?

Me: Hi, is Becky there?

RM: Yes, she is. She’s sitting right here. I’m looking at her right now. She is most definitely here, and available to talk. Just now we were talking about how there are no great guys to date, and how she wishes a nice guy would call her. In fact, she’s been waiting by the phone for days, just hoping that some guy would call her. Hold on, I’ll get her.

backgound discussion

RM: Um… She wants to know who’s calling.

Me: It’s tdn.

RM: Um… She’s not here right now.

Game, set, and match. Well done. Lie to me, lead me on, and then insult my intelligence. Total triple play. No doubt she thought this was a compassionate way of letting me down. No, insulting my intelligence is not compassionate. It’s cruel and stupid.
[/QUOTE]

So here’s your problem: you’re obviously going after cunts. I know for a fact there are nicer girls out there, you clearly just aren’t hitting on them. I mean, goodness, who does what you just described? Cunts, that’s who.

Here’s the deal though, nothing is more foul than some creep leering at you, making comments about your tits and ass, or cat calling at you. The only time I ever flat out say a firm NO is when someone does one of the above (my roommate, on the other hand, cracks me up. When guys scream at us "Heeeyyy girls, you are hot! Wanna go oooooooout sometime? I can show you both a wicked fun time, girls!!! :wink: :wink: :wink: " she stops dead in her tracks, looks them in the eye, and says a firm, “Never.” But they are creeps, so that’s different).

If you seem like a nice guy, I’ll sit and chat with you for a minute. If I don’t sense anything, I’ll politely decline and we’ll go our separate ways. No harm, no foul.

I’ve gone on more than my fair share of dates (and had a decent amount of relationships) that started with nothing more than him coming up to me in a store and saying, “Wow, you’re REALLY beautiful. I would love to get to know you, if that’s ok with you. Can I take you out sometime?” If you are sincere, rather than totally creepy, I don’t think too many women would glare at you with a look of hate when you ask that.

More so though, to everyone who keeps talking about how they can’t get dates, no matter how hard they try. Look, it isn’t because you are fat (or thin)- fat (and thin) people get dates all the time (cough cough waves *cough). It isn’t because you are dating out of your league- I (and many) folks date our polar physical opposites quite successfully. It isn’t because you are a nerd- there are lots of nerd girls and nerd lovers.

In the end, if you are perpetually being rejected not only from the get-go, but also once you go out on a date, clearly you are doing something wrong. Very wrong, since there are lots of complete tools in happy, healthy relationships. So rather than blaming all those big mean women rejecting you, why not figure out what you’re doing wrong?

And you know,you may say you shouldn’t have to change and perhaps that’s true. In that case, the right person for you will eventually come along, but in the mean time it’s silly to whine that you can’t get a date.

89

[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett]
Bottom line: Beautiful woman are oftentimes crazy as hell, smart women are rarely beautiful, sane women tend to be mediocre on both counts.
[/QUOTE]

This is insane! I meet plenty of smart, beautiful, sane women in the DC area. They tend to be often attached however. And if they are not, they of course show their sanity by being unwilling to date me…

I guess it depends how you define beautiful. Given that being smart is a pretty essential part of being beautiful for me, it would skew the sample more than a little. And I only ever judge sane in comparison to myself, so again, that biases things pretty dramatically.

90

*removed extraneous post. Do carry on.

91

[QUOTE=DiosaBellissima]

I’ve gone on more than my fair share of dates (and had a decent amount of relationships) that started with nothing more than him coming up to me in a store and saying, “Wow, you’re REALLY beautiful. I would love to get to know you, if that’s ok with you. Can I take you out sometime?” If you are sincere, rather than totally creepy, I don’t think too many women would glare at you with a look of hate when you ask that.

[/QUOTE]

Dudes, do this. This would be totally cool. Yes, there are some bitches who will cut you down for daring to speak to them without permission, but then you don’t want to date them, do you?

92

Exactly, Telperien. If a girl is such a cunt that when you say something like I suggested she rolls her eyes and laughs at you, well then she’s a total cunt and you just found out you don’t want to date her anyway. Better you find out right off the bat rather than later when you’ve shelled out money on a nice date or worse yet, time thinking about her and what to do.

93

[QUOTE=AHoosierMama]
Is it really THAT painful to get rejected once in a while?
[/QUOTE]

Have you ever asked someone out and been rejected?

94

[QUOTE=DiosaBellissima]
Exactly, Telperien. If a girl is such a cunt that when you say something like I suggested she rolls her eyes and laughs at you, well then she’s a total cunt and you just found out you don’t want to date her anyway. Better you find out right off the bat rather than later when you’ve shelled out money on a nice date or worse yet, time thinking about her and what to do.
[/QUOTE]

I wish more guys would do this. I can’t even being to count the times when I’ve run into a guy that I find interesting and who’ll keep giving me glances like he’s interested too, but in the end neither of us will say anything because - well, I don’t know what it is on their part, but for me it’s that I’m too shy. I’m still very much accustomed to a culture where meeting eyes is a big no-no and talking to strangers is considered bizarre.

Tel, it’s funny what you said about toenails. As I was reading the thread I was polishing my toenails at the exact same time, in anticipation of a date I have tomorrow night. :slight_smile:

95

[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett]
How long did this go on for? One night? A week? A year? your lifetime?
[/QUOTE]

Yes.

DiosaBellissima, I understand what you’re saying. Obviously I’m doing something wrong. (Actually, I’m currently not doing anything. I’m just not finding anyone to ask out.) And I’m not blaming anyone (except the cunts, of course), just bemoaning how difficult the whole thing is. And I’d love to improve my technique, but it’s really hard to get honest feedback from women. The best advice I can give myself is “OK, that didn’t work either.”

I think part of the problem is that I tend to be attracted to nice women. You know, not cunts (or who appear not to be at first). So when they reject me, they tend to be very nice about it, then get the hell away from me. They won’t actually give me any advice.

Case in point: Years ago I met a wonderful women. Cute, smart, seemingly sane, and employed. Best of all, our first conversation was one of those “known each other all our lives” deals. We were absolutely, perfectly made for each other. She was The One. I knew it, she knew it, the whole world knew it. Hell, you didn’t know us, and you probably knew it.

So we went out on a date. Had a wonderful time. She told me to call her. She seemed sincere. Since then, how many of my calls did she yeturn? Zero. Not one. After a few, I called and left a message asking her why. Yes, that’s loser bahavior, but at that point I had nothing left to lose. Of course, she didn’t return that call either. So I learned nothig from that experience other than “Oops, fucked up again, and I have no idea how.”

And she was the last person I would expect cuntish behavior from. In fact, in every case where that has happened (unreturned calls or lying roommate), they always seemed really nice up to that point.

I think it’s not that I’m picking out cunts, it’s that all or most women have a capacity to act that way. IMHO, of course.

96

[QUOTE=BwanaBob]
What’s the deal with self-confidence being an attention getter?
[/QUOTE]
Because people with no self-confidence tend to be very needy. I am not interested in providing constant reassurance.

And if YOU don’t think you’re clever and attractive and interesting, then why would I?

97

[QUOTE=tdn]
I think it’s not that I’m picking out cunts, it’s that all or most women have a capacity to act that way. IMHO, of course.
[/QUOTE]

To quote Ice Cube, “Now, the term ‘bitch’ don’t apply to all women, but all women got a little bitch in 'em.” :stuck_out_tongue:

98

[QUOTE=DiosaBellissima]
In the end, if you are perpetually being rejected not only from the get-go, but also once you go out on a date, clearly you are doing something wrong. Very wrong, since there are lots of complete tools in happy, healthy relationships. So rather than blaming all those big mean women rejecting you, why not figure out what you’re doing wrong?
[/QUOTE]

Yep.

Now, I don’t know any of the dudes here personally who are singing their lament, but that’s exactly what I’m thinking. At some point you have to wonder if it is YOU who is the problem.

99

[QUOTE=lowbrass]
Have you ever asked someone out and been rejected?
[/QUOTE]

Funny anecdote time?

I was once talking to a woman about how hard it was to ask someone out and get rejected.

“Yeah”, she replied. “There was this guy I liked, so I decided to ask him out since he wouldn’t ask me. It was really hard to do. But he said yes. So I know how you feel.”

Sorry, honey, no you don’t. Not at all. You have not the slightest clue. I know you’re trying to be empathetic, but that’s a swing and a miss.

100

[QUOTE=HazelNutCoffee]

Tel, it’s funny what you said about toenails. As I was reading the thread I was polishing my toenails at the exact same time, in anticipation of a date I have tomorrow night. :slight_smile:
[/QUOTE]

See! It’s an established woman ritual!

That does not seem very nice at all, tdn. I hate that “ignore them and they’ll go away” thing that people do. It’s very rude.