Dear Mr Mubarak,
Thank you for your communication
We hear you, we understand where you’re coming from but regret to inform you it just isn’t going to work. You’ve had a very good run. You’ve been very helpful, and of course this is not necessarily a co-incidence.
You’d have to agree that your democratic model has never really been all that democratic.
But naturally we played along becauce, well right wing dictators are so much more practical, amenable, and just fundamentally more our kind of people than left wing dictators.
You’ve got to admit, we’ve sold you some very nice hardware over the years and the odd truckload of readies has kept your family and friends well supplied with trinkets and chattels.
Yes, you’ve been ever so helpful with our extraordinary rendition requirements. As you saw with Abu Ghraib, it’s not really our long suit and we certainly don’t have the stomach for the attendant bad publicity.
And it would be remise not to acknowledge that any country willing to allow their leader get locked up in talks with Jimmy Carter for 13 days is a remarkable civilisation.
But when it comes down to brass tacks your army is crap 'cause the Israelis whooped your ass in 6 days and you don’t have any oil.
Don’t leave a mess when you go.
ALL RIGHT, NEXT PLEASE