I pit my father in law.

Fuck you, you fucking cheating sack of shit.

5 years ago, your wife had a stroke, and has been housebound since. You retired to take care of her, but you wound up being gone all the time, leaving her alone almost all day, every day. Within 6 months, you apparently had a girlfriend - one only 2 years older than your son.

Fuck you.

Two months ago, you had a brain aneurism and were in a coma for three weeks. Your son and I have been driving 30 miles each way EVERY DAY to help his mom, after work - making her dinner, keeping her company, keeping the house tidy since she has trouble moving around. It’s put incredible stress on us individually, on our relationship, and on our finances. We comfort her as she cries at least twice a night, missing you, worried about you. When you woke up out of the coma, one of the first things you did was ask after your girlfriend.

Fuck you.

Your wife of 45 years still has no idea you’re the cheating fuck that you are. She’s physically, emotionally fragile - her blood pressure has been through the roof from the stress of worrying about you. Finding out could very literally kill her.

Fuck you.

Apparently you feel the need to get things off your chest, what with almost dying and all. So last night, you decided to come clean to your son - there was someone else, you are in LOOOOOVVVEEE with her, you don’t know if you’ll go with her or with your wife when you get out of the hospital. Up until last night, your son still thought of you as a great man, one who he could try to aspire to emulate, but could never approach. By telling him all this, you broke his heart.


Don’t you DARE tell your wife that you’re a cheater. Don’t you even mention the other woman, don’t give a hint to her that she exists. Your wife has given you the best years of her life, from the time she was nineteen. She was disowned by her parents for marrying you, because you were the wrong color, but stood by your side. She has kept your home; she has raised your son; she has helped your mother, all eight of your siblings and their spouses, and neices and nephews galor as one by one they came to the US, often opening her home to the recent immigrants for months at a time until they could get their own apartments. Her world begins and ends with you. As I said, finding out could very literally kill her; if not with another heart attack or another stroke, I can very easily see her just losing her will to live if she found out about your betrayal.

Fuck. you.

We’re starting to see some of the lingering effects of the brain damage, now that you’re recovering. You can’t control your bladder or bowels; you have palsies; you can barely walk. Do you think that your bit on the side is still going to want you? That she’ll still want to be involved with you if that means wiping shit off your ass every 3 hours? No. And really, if I have my way, you’ll never see her again.

Fuck you, you rotten stinking cheating traitor. May you starve in hell next to Newt Gingritch, John Edwards, and every other man that has taken a mistress while his wife is critically ill. How low can you get?


Oni no Maggie

(PS: Fuck you.)

Some people just are truly sucky assbags. I’m sorry you got stuck with one for a relative-in-law.

Well god damn. It just gets better.

Oni no Husband just got a call from one of his father’s friends, asking for a status update - that’s one of the things he’s been doing since his dad fell ill, making sure everyone is kept in the loop with his father’s condition.

The friend started going on and on and on about how wonderful a man my FIL is, how amazingly helpful and generous and smart and kind and giving…

And Oni no Husband had to sit there and nod and thank the guy, while on the inside knowing what the truth of the matter was…day before yesterday, he would have agreed with the guy 100%. Now, he can’t think of his father the same way again.


Was FIL this way his whole life?

One thing that might help you and hubby cope is if you can determine whether FIL has acted this way for the last two years because he was asshole or quite possibly his own mental state changed due to stress and old age.

My FIL was the sweetest guy in the world until about 6 months before he died. During his last few months he was arrogant, argumentative and we wouldn’t let him be alone with his wife because we feared that he could become violent and hurt her.

My point is, my FIL wasn’t an asshole, he was a nice man who deteriorated due to issues beyond his control.

Maybe your FIL is in a similar situation.

The person I feel bad for is your husband. Seeing his parents like this, dragging on for years, is worse than having to cope with a sudden death.

Just try to keep things in perspective here. Five years ago your mother in law became an invalid. You took care of her for three weeks, and you’re whining about how much personal strain it has put on you. Your father in law has done it for FIVE YEARS! Don’t judge him too harshly for being a human being.

Doesn’t sound to me like he was taking care of her, at all.

Nor do I think the OP was whining.

Re: Age related deterioration: He’s only just turned 66. He’s not that old.

We don’t know if he ever had girlfriends before. We don’t think so - from the way he’s talking about the Other Woman, it seems to be a fairly unique thing. But I don’t trust any of the assumptions we’ve made about him anymore.

We’re going to go see him today, with my MIL. Hopefully he doesn’t decide to come clean to her too.

Here’s a serious question. How sure are you that this Other Woman is a current thing and not something that happened 10 years ago? Or more? Weird things happen in people’s minds. Maybe the Other Woman was someone he was dating when he met your mother?

Maybe not, too. But… uh. In my experience with people who’ve had brain aneurysms… might be worth checking.

That was our first thought, that she was someone from before, and that he was confused.

But we’ve poked a bit through his paperwork - there’s a number that he was calling several times a day on his cell, that wasn’t listed in the cell directory itself. And we found one of her cell bills in with his paperwork (not sure how that got there), and confirmed that it was the same number. We also found what looks like an itinerary for a trip they were planning on taking together - he was pricing airline flights back to his home country, and had printouts under both her name and his.

So yeah. Not a delusion, not a mixup.

Oni no Husband says he doesn’t know if he thinks more or less of her, that she hasn’t seemed to have visited him since he was hospitalized.

John Edwards took a mistress? :confused:

That sucks. I really don’t know what to say to comfort you. It’s sad when folks whom you think are old enough to know better start to act out their particular issues. I doubt he’ll be able to continue this relationship at all–has she visited him in the hospital?

Frankly, they both sound like they are candidates for assisted living or senior residences. Have you looked into that? Or at least some kind of home health service–a homemaker or aide to help bathe, toilet etc?

The National Enquirer is claiming he had a kid out of wedlock at some point. He called the story “lies” and is otherwise not commenting.

While he may be a cheating sack of crap, he may very well be a good person in other respects.

You’re right though: fuck him for the way he’s treating his wife and family.