Piece of Shit Brother in Law

Bit of background:

My wife and her brother (also known as brother in law)were pretty much raised by their mom by herself. Their dad had an affair when mom still had brother in the womb and left her before she gave birth. The affair produced a half sister. Dad is back in their life again and things are for the most part OK now with that. He offered no support, financially, mentally, or physically, while the kids were growing up, but they are passed that now. They are adults, college educated, with families, or families on the way.

The Present:

Brother meets girl who’s from NY. She’s finally the one. They get married and decide to live here. Since she’s moving here the wedding is in New York. The entire family goes out there, including many from California. All is well. They move here, get a house, and a year later, she’s pregnant. just what they wanted.

Until a new co worker starts work at Brother’s workplace. They start talking. The marriage starts to stumble. Not that unsual, certainly workable. He assures everyone that nothing’s going on. Then he decides he’s not happy anymore and tells wife that he will divorce her after the baby’s born. He doesn’t want to get too attached to it. (He did use those words). Family is upset, they talk to brother. They agree to go to counseling. Counselor/Therapist suggests that brother is depressed and not thinking clearly. Suggests that because that’s what dad did, he thinks that’s what he’s supposed to do. Advises medication and sessions by himself. Brother says no way to therapy, there’s nothing wrong with him, that’s all bullshit. Whines that nobody sees his side of the story. We do see his side of the story but he’s still wrong. He wants someone to tell him that what he’s doing is OK. We hear rumblings that early on in the situation, dad told brother that he has to do what is best for him. He denies it but it’s totally something he’d say.

Because of the distance situation, the wife rightly decides to have the baby in NY since she’s not staying here. Legally it’s much easier to live in NY if that’s where the baby’s born. If it’s born here, she’d need his consent. Of course she has the total support of our family in that decision. We feel awful that it’s happening but we understand the reasoning and are helping to pay for her move. Brother in law still swears nothing is going on with co worker. Wife calls woman and asks that she not talk with brother so they can work out their problems properly, even if it means divorce. One day the wife is looking for the cell pohne bill. Can’t find it so she goes online and notices 45 calls made to her this month. Mother in law waits by co worker’s house until brother leaves. Confronts him, calls him a liar, a cheat, tells him that the women he’s seeing will never be welcome in her house or at any family functions. She’s a horrible example for her 3 children and is only looking for a father for her 3 kids. She couldn’t find a single guy, she had to break up a marriage. She tells brother that he’s cut out of the will. His share is going to their forthcoming child.

This whole thing sucks! Words cannot come to me to express what a low life piece of scum this is. To abandon your pregnant wife 2 months before birth just so you can boink some piece of trash. For God’s sake, give it a chance. Let the child know his father. We figured that of all people he’d never do something like this considering what his life was growing up. He has a completely loving family. His mother is a saint. She accepted her ex husband’s daughter, and my wife’s half sister, as her own daughter and never took anything out on her. She does not deserve this. My wife does not deserve this. Brother’s wife does not deserve this and most importantly, that child does not deserve this.

But who cares, as long as he’s happy! My wife has treated every child of our friend’s as if they were her niece or nephew, showering them with gifts, offering to baby sit whenever needed. Now she finally got a chance to have her own real niece or nephew to spoil rotten and he/she wont’ be around. My 2 year old son will not be close to his cousin.

Mother in law is blaming herself because she just went through double knee replacement surgery and thinks if she wasn’t going through rehab the last 6 weeks she might have been able to do something. The poor woman doesn’t need this. Nobody needs this.

Another thing that is crappy about this. The wife’s father was dying of cancer the past year and a half and she missed it all so she could be with the piece of shit. She missed him dying on his bed by 1 hour. She wasted 3 years of her life on this moron.

It stinks.

Disaster heaped upon disaster. Sad all around. God go with you and your family, Oblong.

What a sad situation. I have to commend you and your family for standing by the wife and throwing the “blood is thicker than water” crap out the window. Best wishes to your family and the upcoming addition.

Somebody needs to sit down with the BIL and tell him what being a man means. Obviouosly his father is incapable of doing so.

I’m sorry to hear about all this. I’ll never understand such behaviour.

Sometimes people change once the baby becomes a reality. Right now, it isn’t real. Immature as that sounds, it happens. His wife is smart to go back to where the support system is. She can decide what to do with him after she gets herself settled. Good luck in this sad situation.

<<Whines that nobody sees his side of the story. >>
Every asshole has his side of the story.

I’m glad the wife is strong enough to leave him and get to herself to where the support is. Please, try to keep in contact with the baby via e-mail…and make sure the rat bastard pays every penny of child support.

I know this isn’t the solution…and don’t offer it seriously…but still think that it would have an effect on guys like this…

Custody should go to the father. If he refuses, he goes to jail for child abandonment. If this was a standing rule in society, guys like this would think many times because he would be stuck raising the child by himself.

There is too much ‘the child belongs to the mother and whatever male is dating her at the time’ mentality. Whenever I hear arguments from fathers that "She’s dating/living with someone so he should have to support the child’ logic it makes me want to bash skulls.

That’s pretty shitty. But if he’s going to be like that, then it’s probably best to have him out of the way earlier rather than later. Best of luck to you and your family.

Now Brother in law has called mother in law saying that she’s always been his anchor and support and that he’ll do whatever she says. A very small step in the right direction but he still doesn’t get it really. He shouldn’t do it because someone else wants to. But I see that as a small indication that he may finally be realizing the severity of this. We are hoping that he really is depressed or has something that’s clouding his judgement and that he still really does love his wife, he’s just “going through a phase”. Dealing with the hormones of pregnancy, pressure of bills, it can be daunting. I have the feeling that he doesn’t really understand marriage and thinks this is just like breaking up while dating, you can always go back. Wife has said that the only way she’ll take him back now is if they move back to NY together so that he’ll be away from the temptation here. Still clinging to hope, I don’t think anything’s been done so far that’s unforgivable.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Yesterday was a good day, only because there was no new bad news.

Complete and utter darkness… except for one thing; the mother sounds like a smart person and will hopefully be OK once she gets this monkey off her back (and then proceeds to kick it in the groin repetedly).

It could be just that. Fatherhood could actually terrify him on a level he’s not ready to look at. Or he may have a subconscious desire to destroy what’s good in his life.

I know it sounds hoaky. But I’ve seen seemingly normal people do that kind of stuff.

Doesn’t mean he’s not an asshole, though.

Oblong, I second Smashed Ice Cream’s comment; you and your family are to be commended for sticking with your sister-in-law, rather than defaulting to supporting your blood relative, which is what a lot of families would do. And lieu is right, too; your BIL needs a man to tell him what being a man is about. A man takes care of his family above all else.

Anyway, we need a little levity here:

Ivylass said:

Man, that’s one SMART baby.

Yes, RickJay, that did come off kind of funny.

What to stop him from finding “temptation” in NY?

A-freakin-men lieu. It’s pretty clear this guy is still in the ‘boy’ stage of development and has a long way to go before he can be considered a man. Living up to his responsibilities would be an important first step in my opinion.

Preaching to the choir…

would it shock you if you found out that BIL is a middle school teacher AND coach (in multiple sports).

Thanks again for all the thoughts. His wife is upstairs as we speak talking to my wife, looks like she was crying, so I’m killing time down in the basement keeping the dog at bay. The dog loves to jump on people and with her being 7 months pregnant, we’d rather keep him away.

I hope he’s at least made to understand that he’s legally on the hook for this baby, no matter what. Your family should do what it can to guarantee that lives up to his financial responsibilities if nothing else.

What a selfish little fuck.

Oblong wrote:

Not in the least.

Mom is now telling BIL that she thinks the responsible thing for him to do is to move to NY, regardless if he gets back together with the wife or not. He should be near his child. He said he’s considered that.

I don’t think he has the slightest clue how much he will have to pay for support. Their father never paid any.

When Wife goes back to NY, she’ll likely take a lot of their belongings, stuff they got from the shower, things like that. We are waiting for BIL to come to the family asking for handouts on pots/pans, etc.

Do you guys/gals want me to keep updating this?

Well, Oblong my opinion is that this situation will not be resolved quickly. Yes, I would like to know how this turns out…so perhaps you can start a new thread when this one hits the Second Page Pile and reference this one.