I am NOT saying your SO is NOT lazy or inept.
Buttt, again that IS workable, though you didnt mention the in the can part first, IIRC.
Actually, even IN the can in a frying pan, as an engineer type, I could give you a darn good reason as to WHY to have some water in that pan.
Was the can open when he did it and DID it work or not?
If it worked, whats the problem?
Okay, I know this is a hijack, but a $120 kitten? Is s/he made of gold or something?
So, what IS the correct thing to do with tinned beans? I only ever use them as an ingredient in other things, never on their own. Do you drain and microwave them, or what? Enquiring minds want to know! 
ETA: I just had a thought - maybe he thought you treat them like fresh beans, and was trying to lightly blanch them? Admittedly, a frypan wouldn’t be my first choice, but then again I’m lazy so if it was the easiest item to find, I might give it a whirl anyway.
EATA: (Edited AGAIN to add) - We are talking green beans here, not baked beans, right? Because baked beans in water is a disgusting thing. My dad’s best friend once cooked them ‘dinner’ when they were on a fishing trip and put baked beans into a pot…and then added a tin’s worth of water. Because that’s how he’d seen his wife make tinned soup, and figured it was the same for all tinned foods. Actually, maybe that’s where your hubby went wrong, too?
Good Heavens, did the can explode?
Sorry about my old Southern woman crack above. Grandpa made some of the worst food I’ve ever had.
You are not supposed to do all the chores/shit. In my experience, when partnerA is burdened and partnerB is not, it’s because partnerA is putting up with it for various and sundry reasons.
It could be partnerA has a much lower “dirt tolerance” than partnerB.
It could be partnerA has taught partnerB that being helpless gets you out of chores.
It could be that partnerB is a self-centered asshole that needs to be kicked to the curb ASAP.
I went back to re-read your previous post, and the thing about the laundry leads me to think Mr. eleanorigby falls into the selfish asshole category. I can see how he might not do *your *laundry, but refusing to do or help with the *children’s *laundry is really unforgivable. It’s not like the laundry of the average cotton-wearing toddler needs special care and ironing.
I think you should consider counseling before changing the locks, but that’s your decision.
I can’t speak for Cazzle, but down here if someone tells me they paid $120 for a kitten, I know it came from the RSPCA or the Animal Welfare League.
There’s 2 reasons for this, and for why the kitten was so expensive. Number one is that kittens are massively more popular than adult cats. So they charge a premium for kittens at the shelters, in the hope that people will look at older cats who may be closer to being destroyed for being unhomeable.
Number two is that all cats and kittens sold through the RSPCA, Animal Welfare League or various other rescue groups around here are all desexed, tattooed, microchipped and registered when you buy them. So you’re not just buying Kitten, you’re buying everything that goes along with her.
On the household front, I don’t ask husband to do handyperson stuff. It’s not that I don’t think he can do it, it’s either that I enjoy doing the Thing, or we don’t have the tools to do the Thing, so I call my stepdad or my Grandfather, who have the tools to do the Thing.
Yikes. My best friend’s marriage is like this, only worse. She has always earned most of the money. He is extremely intelligent and has been a perpetual student for a long time now. He’s home for most of the day, yet she takes their youngest to a day care because she doesn’t trust her husband to take care of the little one. So, she gets up early, drops junior off, works 9-10 hour days, picks junior up, comes home. They eat fast food a lot.
They’re both pretty casual about the house, but she’s still frustrated about his lack of motivation.
My husband is slow to finish household jobs, but then so am I. We’re going to be working on our daughter’s room, but there is a hole in the drywall that needs repair before I can paint. I’m going to go to my favorite paint store and get a referral for a handyman or something like that to come and patch it. It’s been that way (the hole) for about a year and 1/2.
Don’t tell on me. It will be our secret.
Drain and nuke is one option. Canned beans don’t really need much cooking, as they’ve been fully processed by the canning. You just want to warm them a little.
I suspect a big chunk of eleanorigby’s ire is that you can damage a cast-iron pan using it as her husband did. Boiling plain water in it takes some of the seasoning out.
You can’t blanch beans effectively in a can, in a pot of water. It would be like trying to blanch them in a double boiler.
I was picturing the “beans in water in the frying pan” thing as a can of green beans with some added water popped into a frying pan, which I would have no problem with, cast iron or not. A can of any kind of beans standing in a pan surrounded by a pool of water, is just - well - strange. Isn’t that why God made microwaves?
One has to wonder though.
Is the guy THAT retarded?
Or is the gal that much of a control freak (for lack of a better term)?
Sierra Indigo would usually be right. This is the 1 time in 100 that $120 wasn’t for a shelter rescue - she’s a Burmese kitten. $AU120 isn’t excessive for a “purebred” animal here (actually, it’s fairly cheap for a Burmese). And eight years on I can say she was worth every penny.
[/hijack]
Your problem is that your husband is an anomaly - he actually throws things away, but he doesn’t get things done. I have the more normal situation, in which my man doesn’t throw things away OR get things done. Once he had a little cleaning spate in which he emptied the bathroom trash can (seriously overflowing) into trash bags and picked up a lot of crap from the bathroom floor. Uh, not literally crap. Q-tips and toilet paper rolls and such.
Well, he got them as far as the dining room, for some reason, and there they sat for a few weeks until the cats tore into them. So now my dining room is absolutely covered in toilet paper rolls and Q-tips and used tissues and whatever weird-ass crap ends up on your bathroom floor. It’s been four months or so and I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to clean it up because it’s his fucking job!
ETA - and I asked him to get the dead bugs out of the porch light, like, a year ago. A few nights ago the pizza guy ran back to his car to get a flashlight because he thought we didn’t HAVE a porch light. Nope, just has so many insect carcasses in it that it doesn’t throw any light.
My ex husband (ex! ex! ex! I love typing that) once left a cardboard box of oily dirty car parts that was too heavy for me to lift in the middle of the living room floor for months. Then he bitched about me not hoovering the floor properly.
I could go on but just this one thing more … He was good at fixing washing machines. But this one time our machine hadn’t worked for three weeks and he was claiming to be too busy to fix it whilst I was doing hand washing and using a spinner. Then one morning a friend rang to say that her washing machine had broken down and he went over and mended it straight away. And he couldn’t see what my problem was. (Incidentally, no, he wasn’t shagging her).
My current partner isn’t particularly handy but last year we put up shelves together the weekend after I bought all the wood and fittings. He’s done some other little jobs too that I can’t manage and helped out with gardening when I got overwhelmed by the amount that needed to be done, even though he hates gardening with a passion. And we don’t even live together! It’s just a small part of why I love him but it matters.
[hijack]
cazzle, she is an awfully pretty girl. I guess I shouldn’t talk because although my kitty was free (he was a street cat), I have paid around $400 total hauling him around the world with me. He is my baby guy! I can’t leave him behind!
[/hijack]
Yeah, that will SHOW him ! :rolleyes:
Fine, you come pick it up!
I have to admit that I have finally caved and started doing the small fix it stuff myself. When a bedroom door needed a doorknob, I went to Home Depot, I took out the old knob, I drilled the hole in the frame for the latch that had never been drilled before, I installed the new one. then for kicks, I also replaced the weather stripping on the back door, did some paint touch up, and filled a few holes with Spackle.
When there is a big job that needs to be done, my husband is very good and jumping in with me to do it. I usually have to nag a bit and participate. (Ask me how long I had bare dry wall in my living room before I finally broke down and did the second mud coat myself.) When it’s a small job I never know if he’ll actually do it or not. I’ve given up. I’ve learned how to handle just about every power tool necessary for small jobs and some power tools used for the big jobs as well. If it needs done, I’ll do it myself.
Yeah, sometimes I do resent it a little bit. But then I go do the job and I feel like She-Ra for a day or two. (Wanna hear me brag about the kitchen tile I laid myself?)
Channeling Dr Phil…hummmmmmmm
Seriously.
How much anger or aggravation do you get seeing that stuff spread around every day for months on end?
How much anger would it generate would it take to pick it up and just be done with it?
I can see your point and your principle, but honestly if it aint impacting HIM, then do what is going to be less overall stress for you is in your own best interest.
Good luck!
[hijack] My GOD, she’s beautiful
I was going to mention “or she could be a purebred” but I did think $120 was a bit low for that… [/hijack]
My husband loves to put things waaaaay up high. He’s about 5’9, and seems to enjoy climbing up on a stool. I am five foot even on a good day. I cannot get on a step ladder or a step stool as I have balance issues. He kept on putting stuff waaaay up high. Finally, since simply talking to him didn’t work, every day I waited until he got settled into his TV chair. Then I got between him and his beloved TV, and told him I needed X down. I kept doing this, until he finally figured out that it was easier to put items within my reach in the first place. He did bitch about me waiting for him to settle down and get all comfy. I told him that since he didn’t listen to me when I asked nicely, I wasn’t gonna be nice when I asked any more.
Passive aggressive? Yep. But NOW he listens to me when I tell him I can’t reach stuff. And he’s a lot better about putting stuff within my reach. He can put his guns and his toys up high. But if he wants peace while he watches TV, he’d damn well better have put my stuff (which I didn’t want him to move in the first place) on the bookshelves that I can get to.
The point is, NOT REWARDING BAD BEHAVIOR. Hubby here needs to learn to finish the job. If she picked up the stuff, he’d learn that he only has to do something halfway.