… Inglenook White Chardonnay from 7-11…
I feel dirty, and stupid for giving even more evidence to any potential haters out there, but I always try to answer questions directed to me.
I work the overnight shift, so I won’t even be home until 7:30am. So you can say I am just trying to drink vicariously through you tonight. The girls in my group of friends have a saying about Arbor Mist that applies to the current topic: It’s classy wine for classy broads!
(I know, I know you’re a dude.)
Hey, I may drink Blue Lagoons and do many other girly things, but I have never drank no freaking Arbor Mist. That’s not even wine; that’s a wine cooler!
yeesh.
I read seriously through half this thread then skimmed through the end.
Have you guys never had difficulty with your parents? Never drank often while in college?
I empathize completely with Autolycus. I’m not a big fan of the way my parents operate, I could go on for pages about what I do and do not like about them.
I always wondered this but seriously can you guys who are now or will soon be parents not remember these years? or teen years?
Here is what I have to say to the OP: remember that you are yourself, take pride in what you know to be yourself, and never forget it. One of the keys to maturity that I can list countless examples of if need be is the ability to seperate one’s own conception of self from those around you, and realize what is intrinsically your own motives from what other people want you to do. Be the better person, if you feel you need to, learn what needs learning and never regret anything that you learned from, even if it’s something you learned about being a better parent then your parents were, it’s still worth something.
I gotta say, you write like an articulate Maddox (from The Best Page In the Universe, google it). That’s a compliment. Keep the rants coming, I love it.
Why the hell do other people have control over your enrollment status?
Why do other people have control over how yo come and go?
Let me give you a little piece of advice, rom someone who WAS you a few years ago, and from someone who dated the female version of you the year before last.
There is no comfort you currently have that is worth the fact that other people control your situation. There is no advantage you are gaining that is worth the trade of your autonomy.
It’s a harsh fact, brother, but you are bitching and whining and crying and complaining about the fact that you have ceded control of your life to someone else because that is easier than taking your own lumps. Is it easier to sleep in the twin bed you grew up in than to pay rent? Sure it is. You just have to decide if your pride is worth $600.00 a month.
Do you want to finish school in four years? Is the desire to finish “on time” strong enough that you’ll sell your ability to control your own fate just to do that?
I used to be you, pal. I was you for a good long time. Then I got sick of being a puppet. And it took me three years to finish my senior year of college. I gave up my NCAA eligibility just so I could finish. But nobody told me what to do or how to do it or what to major in or when to get up or what to take.
Did it suck? Sure it did. But I did a cost-benefit analysis and my pride won out.
Make the decision for yourself. But if your momma and daddy exercise that much control over your academic life, you’ve got problems that are sure as shit not limited to “college.”
Wow. Your relationship with your parents sounds a heck of a lot like mine, with the exception that they don’t nag me about drinking because I hardly drink, but they do find plenty of other things to nag me about. Particularly mom. (I did do a lot of drugs when I was younger, and they eventually found out about it, but by the time they did I was ready to set them down anyway, regardless of their reaction - which was predictably bad)
Happy Scrappy Hero Pup, I think your words are true. As rough as it has been, the best thing I have done for myself is to ween away from financial dependency on my parents. It’s been damn hard supporting myself, and I still get the occasional bit of money from them, but I have learned that with every dollar comes a heaping pile of guilt and control and for my own personal wellness I just can’t accept that.
I dropped out of college, and would actually like to return. They still offer to help pay for it, but I just can’t bear the thought of all the emotional burdens I know that will entail. I feel like I have to find another way even if I have to wait until I’m 25 so I can qualify for financial aid on my own.
Autolycus, stay strong bro. I know it’s not much consolation but there are a lot of us out there with fucked up parents. I know my personal consolation is holding on to the belief that someday I will be able to create my own family and provide them with a better place - physically, mentally, emotionally, maybe even spiritually (if you want to use the word) than I ever had. I know I’ll only be able to do that if I bring myself there first. That is my real goal in this life. It may not be yours, but I’d just like to let you know that we are not so different.
I know you don’t want this thread to be about your drinking, but I’ve been meaning to say something about it for a while and this seems like the best opportunity that’s going to come around.
It certainly seems that you drink way too much. Reading some of your posts is very much like reading irc logs from the period in my life when I drank way, way too much. I’m not saying you’re an alcoholic, that’s got nothing to do with it. What I am saying is that I can’t think of anything you could post now to convince me that you’re not on the fast track to developing a drinking problem, if you haven’t already.
You may be in denial and afraid to face up to it because it would mean quitting, which, let’s face it, would suck. Drinking is great, that’s why we do it, right? Well, good news: you might very well not have to quit, just cut back. After being the guy who always needs to have half a bottle of Scotch around because that’s my minimum daily dose if I get going and who would open said bottle at ten in the morning, I am now the guy who drinks when the occasion warrants, and doesn’t even miss the excessive drinking. I’ll often plan to have a full-day total bender like I used to, but I never do, 'cause when push comes to shove I just don’t feel like it.
Oh, and it doesn’t bother anyone that you mention that you’re drunk. That’s way beside the point.
Wow, what a total bitch she must be. Tuna Helper. And I guess **you ** can’t fucking cook? There are ingrates in this story but I don’t think it’s just your parents. Do you pay them rent? Buy food? Cook? Help clean the house? Or do you sit around drinking and yelling about your parents concern that you drink? If there is alcoholism in your family, they’re probably trying their best to save you from yourself.
I hate to say it because you claim it’s not the issue, but it sure isn’t helping - quit drinking. If for no other reason than if you quit, you’ll probably get to go back to college faster, then quit drinking. Suck it up so you can get the fuck out of there, if you honestly think that returning to college is your only way out from under their thumbs.
By the way, if they’re in Florida and you were in Boston, how did they figure out you were drinking? I went to college about 3 hours from my parents and the only way they ever knew anything was if I looked a little tired on Saturday morning if they came to visit.
You are 23. If you aren’t ready to be out on your own at this age, then your parents are probably justified in treating you like a child. Might be the drinking thing, might be something else, but I’m getting the vibe you need to look in the mirror.
Wah wah “you drink too much can’t you cook for yourself, are you a lazy-ass drunken son…”
My fellow previous posters up there all may or may not have valid, incisive points about all that. Some I agree with, some I don’t, whatever.
I’m only here to say that while I hate that you have such misery in your life, I love the way you can write and rant about it.
What in the hell is keeping you from getting a job? You still haven’t answered that. If you’re unhappy in your situation then stop whining and making excuses and just fucking CHANGE IT. You are far too old to be babied around, or to be whining about how your parents are treating you.
Go out, get a job, and if you really want to go to school enroll in your local community college or start taking classes online. Why are you going to college? What do you want to do with your life? Stop placing the blame for your unhappiness on other people and start figuring out how you’re going to get where you want to be in life. There will ALWAYS be people in your life that are going to obstruct you; right now it just happens to be your parents but later in life you’ll be dealing with the same kind of shit with a different cast of characters. Get used to it and learn to not let them make you a victim. So shut up, get out of the house, get a job, and start doing something with yourself.
Sounds to me like you’re in serious denial. It’s not at all likely that your parents and physicians would conspire against you to make you think you’re mad. But, as everyone says, nobody can be helped who won’t admit there’s a problem.
But here’s a clue: drunks aren’t funny, they’re stupid. They’re not fun to be around and nobody wants to marry one. It’s fine to get drunk once in a while when you’re a kid, but you’re 23 and on the way to adulthood and it’s time to smarten up and grow up. You may think you’re a hilarious treat at a party, but trust me on this, you’re just the cause of a lot of eye-rolls. Time to stop getting ‘drunk for fun’, especially if you can’t even live on your own because of it. Drinking is expensive.
Sorry bud, ya lost me there. I only read the “I pit my parent” threads for the rape stuff. Oh, and alcohol is very 1999. Meth is the new Thunderbird. 
I think you generally have very funny, well-written posts and you’re also pretty insightful. I don’t always agree with what you say, Auto, but I invariably get a kick out of how you say it. However, I have noticed that you’ve shown signs of a drinking problem. I don’t care if you talk about drinking on the board and you shouldn’t feel like you have to hide anything–not in the land of perpetual TMI!–so it’s only out of concern that I even bring it up. I’d like to keep reading your posts and not worry about you having some massive meltdown and disappearing, y’know?
As for your parents, it sounds like a rough situation all around. Getting a job or cutting back on the drinking or running away to community college or all three would really help right now, I think. Your parents are frustrating you and, believe me, I’ve been there, but they’re going to keep frustrating you as long as you live in their house, because they’re your parents. That’s what they do.
Seriously, though. Take care of yourself. Get yourself out of there. Get yourself together. Twenty-three isn’t so young that you should be under your parents’ thumbs.
Autolycus, I’m only a little older than you (28). So please don’t think I’m coming at this from a “these young whippersnappers” perspective.
You’re not a kid. You’re an adult. You need to get out of your parents’ house. Letting your parents support you while you live at home and drink heavily is not the road to a happy life. It’s fine to have your parents’ financial support while you’re in college, but your situation seems a bit different. If you’re not really careful, you could easily become that guy you don’t want to be–you know, the bitter, alcoholic 26-year-old who still lives with his mom rent-free and wonders why women aren’t attracted to him.
Yeah, that really set me off when I read the OP.
I don’t see why you can’t get a job, but until you move out, how about pitching in with the cooking now and then? Go out and buy some good, but cheap, stuff to make a meal (pasta doesn’t cost much) and cook dinner for your folks. You’ll end up making everyone happy.
Seriously, though, you need to take control of your life. Start out with the assumption that you will move out, and then work backwards to how you will do it. Don’t make excuses-- there will be hundreds of reasons why you “can’t” move out. Just make it happen. If you can’t do that, then you aren’t an adult. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it sounds like you are smart guy who just needs some motivation.
And, hey, I love to drink, too. But if it’s getting in the way of things that are more important, then give it up until you can straighten out those other things. If you “can’t” quit drinking, then you are an alcoholic.
Yeah, it’s amazing how things just magically become possible when they have to be. When I was having a lot of relationship trouble with my then girlfriend we were talking about splitting up and moving apart, and there were millions of reasons we couldn’t do the latter. We both felt totally stuck. We eventually solved those problems and stayed together. When we finally did break up a year or so later, we suddenly could move apart with no trouble. It’s all about making it happen.
Agree
23
Live with your parents
Don’t have enough money for a cheap apartment
Mom cooks for you
Drink as a hobby activity
If you are living with your parents and they don’t want you to drink - don’t drink. Their house, their rules. You are a grown up, don’t like it…move out. Can’t afford to move out, fix it. Not an alcoholic, giving up drinking will be easy.
Your parents are worried about you. We had the “drinking too much, ended up in rehab” scare last year with my 32 year old sister. I can’t explain to you how helpless we all felt, how worried, how much stress her behavior caused before people learned to let go. But you know what, if you parents learn to let go (via Al-anon or other professional advice for people whose lives are wrapped up in the lives of addicts - or people they believe are addicts), the first thing they are going to be told is to cut you loose - no more free rent when you drink. If I were you, I’d decide right now if the drinking or the free rent is more important, because I’m betting you won’t get both forever.