Guys, he has a job. Witness the other recent pit thread.
Young people can be alcoholic. Yes, 23 is young, but you’re at the cusp that separates “oh, he’s just a kid!” and “he’s a grown-ass man!” Before you know it, you’ll be the latter and it won’t be so easy to excuse the habits you’ve picked up. Maybe you can use this “down” time in your life to make some strides towards maturity.
Also:
You’re too old to be having mommy cook dinner for you. I sympathize with not having money and resources to move, but it doesn’t take too much effort to make meals for the folks who are supporting you. You may actually learn some saleable skills in the process and convince your parents that you’re okay. Maybe they’re so batshit crazy because they’re eating Tuna Helper all the time. And I know it would bug the shit out of me if my son kept telling me “I’m FINE!” but his actions say he’s stuck in adolescence.
Take a break from drinking, too. Even if you’re aren’t an alcoholic, drinking so often can’t be a cheap hobby for someone on such a fixed income. You might find that you suddenly have more money to put in your savings.
I’m curious how they determined you “drank too much in their shared condo.” Found you prone, making puke-angels on the kitchen floor? Forced your bedroom door open to an avalanche of Inglenook bottles? Read some of your OPs?
I like a nice beverage too, but I’ve never been able to relate to those who cling to the nest into their twenties or beyond, especially if it’s making them miserable. I left at 17 and never looked back. (No, really. I couldn’t; my car didn’t have a rear-view mirror. Or any mirrors. It was kind of a piece of shit. I was actually really relieved it didn’t break down, because having to call home and ask for a ride and a tow would’ve really ruined the whole “young man sets off on his own” thing. But it didn’t, and now I’m much older and have a car with power mirrors. And AAA.)
I always marvel at people who have enough money to drink - especially if one prefers liquor over beer - but sit around and bitch about how much money they don’t have.
And I agree with Oakminster - get yourself a blog.
Please allow me to use this comment as the banner child for all comments in this thread address to me.
Ahem
I agree with your assessment, but only to a certain extent. Everything has been great advice, but I think I should share more about my personal information, sans-venom if need be.
Regarding my enrollment status, once my parents called the dean and I was placed on medical leave, my one-semester absence from school was made permanent. I could have appealed, or even hired a laywer, but it would have taken at least 8 weeks to finish the process, and by that point I would be too far behind in classes. I saw a doctor and discussed my drinking; I looked for work; I made friends. I was not having a great adult life, but I was and still am doing OK for myself. My doctor sent the dean a note saying “John is not alcoholic and ready to back to school,” but the dean said no dice. Why ‘no dice’? I have no clue, but I suspect it’s a legal worry.
As for how drunk and stupid I was over the summer, I guess I wasn’t too bad, but then that’s a relative term. I came home severely blasted maybe four times, and woke up my parents, and had very bizarre conversations with them, all of which I dont remember. I think I got sick a few times, although I always made it to the toilet. I was and still am a stupid college kid, but I didn’t do anything beyond the ‘drunk stupid college kid’ norm.
Again, I freely admit I drink too much. I should probably cut down some. That’s not what grates on my nerves though. What gets my goat is being labelled an alcoholic a-priori and thus being shafted out of graduating at my already-slow pace. I know it’s not the end of the world what happened to me, and I know I’m partly to blame, but I think the way things were handled give me at least a small opportunity to bitch. To be honest, I posted this more to highlight my parents immature passive-aggressive behavior, but I guess the alcohol part stood out.
Many people have asked: “Why dont I move out?” “Get a job you bum.” Gee, thanks. I’ll have you know, I have a job. I work 30 hours a week for 7 dollars an hour. As I have said in a previous thread, it’s whale shit pay and soul-crushing work. I did not find work last semester, so I have only been working for 5 weeks. I am saving money as best I can, but it’s slow going.
Also, moving out costs this thing that I like to call money. Moving out and living in Boston was my original plan of action; however, I would be 100% independent. I had enough money to travel up there, and possibly pay the first month’s rent and food, but there is always first, last, and security to consider. I needed 1-2K just to get started moving out. I could not get a student loan because I’m technically not a student currently, and no bank would give me a small personal loan. I didnt want to put 3K on a credit card either… Well, If we really want to be extreme, I could have become a hobo or a freeter, but I think it’s more to my benefit working and just swallowing my pride being with my parents.
I am 23, but I am still in school. I’m not a college grad living with my parents and singing a sad song on the world’s tiniest violin. I cant just fly free like a bird, because I have to consider graduating next year. Perhaps people disagree.
I will agree with one thing that I have read commented. I should be grateful to my parents for letting me crash here. They may do many immature, inconsiderate, rude, hurtful things, but that doesnt change the fact that I’m getting free room and board. If it helps any, I do the dishes and clean up the house often, and I’ve volunteered to help paint the house for little to no money.
This is The Pit, so it’s very easy to paint a negative picture of people’s posts, but I again assure you that I am not the drunken, meltdowny, childish person that I think I may have given the impression of being.
As a conclusion, you probably noticed that I’m not being funny in this post. It has nothing to do with being sober or tipsy, I just dont think this thread is funny anymore. This thread is funny like being kicked in the balls is funny, only to other people.
/nasty-on
Because this is The Pit, and I’m in a cranky mood, I apologize if you feel you’re being unfairly yelled at, but in any case:
Fuck you. Nobody is forcing you to read my posts. Maybe I’ll get a blog and then e-mail all my entries to you, would you like that, huh?
You’d also be surprised how little money I spend on my drinking. But I digress…
/nasty-off
I’m sorry you’re feeling blue, Autolycus. Everyone is allowed to vent about the piss-poorness of their lives every now and again, and I hope doing so here has helped a little.
What are you prospects for getting a better paying job? Are you healthy enough to work construction? That’s what I did when I was young and poor, and it usually pays quite well. If you can bill yourself as a “college student” you might be able set yourself up as tutor in your field of expertise for HS kids. That also can pay quite well. Be creative and flexible, and you can get yourself on your own financially, unless you have some serious health problems.
Well, this is really a whole different bag of worms, but I guess better here than starting a new thread.
I am young and strong enough to do construction. I actually like construction. Hell, when I was nine I dug a hole 20x20x5 in our backyard, all by myself with a shovel. I then filled it up with water sometimes and made my own deluxe mudbath. It was great. So, if I wanted to do construction, how would I start?
I also speak fluent Japanese, so I could possibly start my own tutoring business. Again the major problem is I dont know how to get started.
Again, why dont I start doing either of those? That’s a good question. Besides not knowing how to begin, and being afraid, I guess that, even though I hate my job, I am finally starting to fit in and have a sense of security doing it.
Between
and
…you lost me. Do you have a plan of where you are going to college next year or not? If you do, then good for you.
As for this…
…speaking as someone who lived off campus in the Boston area, I can think of few worse plans, assuming you’re not otherwise tied to the area (which you don’t seem to be, as you said you’ve been permanently removed from school). Seriously, Boston is an insanely expensive rental market. I’m not following why you would move there when money is your concern. And I’m not trying to be snarky, just realistic.
Oh geez, talk about a Freudian slip. I meant my medical leave was extended to this semester also, not permanent. Nooooo no no no, I have been told that as long as I continue seeing this doctor and attend some AA meetings and otherwise control myself, that I am welcome to come back to Boston College.
I repeat: I did not mean permanent. Major mistype.
As for why I would want to live on my own in Boston, I suppose I never really thought of living anywhere else. All my friends are in Boston and, if I didnt live in Boston, I have no clue as to where I would move to. I can think of a few countries I wouldn’t mind exploring for a while, but, if I did that, then I cant see a doctor and attend AA and everything. So it would have to be something states-side, and I dont know of any city I would want to live in, off the top of my head.
In any case, it’s March now, and things are pretty stable being here in Florida. Moving out now would be counter-productive.
Maybe I was the world’s wussiest college student when it comes to partying, but I don’t think so. I just need to point out that having blackouts about four times in three months doesn’t fall under my standard of your average college-student-level partying. I drank to excess in college, sure, but I never blacked out, and typically most friends I had who did black out kinda freaked out after the first time they were told “hey, you did X, Y, and Z last night” and they had absolutely no memory of any of it. After that they cut back on the drinking.
As to the last quoted part, I’m trying to figure out where this thread was funny. It’s not ha-ha funny or kicking-someone-in-the-balls funny to anyone participating, from start to finish. You’re dealing with parents who care about you but can’t figure out what to do now that you’ve been temporarily booted out of college and may or may not be an alcoholic. Sure, it sounds like your mother has legitimate anger issues, I understand that. That’s very frustrating to live with.
OK, on preview I just deleted the other stuff I wrote. If you’re going to AA meetings, there’s no way in hell the college will let you come back if your parents or doctor also say “but he’s still drinking.” AA doesn’t believe in moderation; maybe you do, maybe you can be a moderate social drinker just fine. For this part of your life, however, you and drinking are not friends. Go totally sober; prove to them you can do it, and get your butt the heck out of that messy home life. And then once you’re back in college, think of dealing with that as being your incentive for keeping on track there.
Actually, you’re not a college kid at the moment. You’re a man who was asked not return to college because of his drinking.
Autolycus, I appreciate your openness and the amount of self-examination that you’ve brought to this thread so far.
But a few things stand out in what you’ve written.
- Your drinking behavior caused you serious and significant disruption of your life’s plans.
- The easiest remedy to your situation as you describe it would seem to be stopping drinking at the time the intervention occurred, or any time after.
- Despite this, you continue to drink. Not just socially, but to excess.
In my experience (and in this area it is extensive, both personally and professionally), normal drinkers do not respond to such situations the way you have responded in your situation.
Just something you may want to look at.
I think one of your biggest problems at the moment is actually the SDMB. Yesterday you posted 51 times. So far today you’ve posted 25 times. This is typical for the past couple of weeks for you.
Now, I think you may have to ask yourself- are you using the wonderfulness of the Dope to distract yourself from dealing with your problems and real life? It’s not hard to get sucked in to this place, and you wouldn’t be the first, but you may need to consider whether you have (much) more important things to do right now.
Possible. The last two days I have been sick and at home, so that explains that. Also, I type and think very fast so I can post a lot without spending much time. Also, I have been lurking for six years and I guess I’ve pent-up a lot of things that I wanted to post before but was too shy. Now it’s all coming out in a gross SMDB chowder 
I’ll be careful though, thanks for the concern. Really, I’m not being sarcastic.
Permanent? Did the college expell you or are you unable to pay tuition without your parent’s help? How did a phone a phone call from the parents of a legal adult result in you being placed on leave :dubious: ? Please go into more detail on how that happened.
My sister used an excuse similar to yours growing up… “But I’m a teenager, I’m supposed to be [irrational, making stupid mistakes, irresponsible with money, whatever]”
It didn’t fly with my parents and it isn’t flying with me today. “Normal” going-to-college isn’t about drinking. Sure, people do it. Sure, you reach legal age and suddenly the possibility is there. But getting drunk off your ass, blacking out, puking once in a while isn’t normal. Sitting at home in front of the computer, drinking alone, isn’t normal (as a rule, I never drink alone!). And even if everyone else did do it… it isn’t working for you. You’ve had countless people tell you that the situation you’re in is a problem. Really, consider the fact that it actually might be! It is possible to go to university and not drink. It is possible to have friends and even go out to bars and go dancing…and not drink.
You seem like a good guy who has fallen into a routine and doesn’t know how to get out of it. You receive a lot of good advice on these boards - I hope you choose to take it.
Your parents do sound like a lot to handle, though, but if you can prove to them that you can take care of yourself (even if that means living by their rules for the next year), then maybe a lot of the arguments you have will just go away. Keep working, keep looking for a better job (just open up the phone book and look up the # for any construction company, call to ask for an address, and send a c.v… ) keep saving your money and plan to leave. If you want to be treated like an adult, then behave like one, not like a stereotype of “College Guy” from television.
I’m curious as to exactly what sort of drunken behaviour anyone would have to witness before they’d call the dean on their college room mate?
Yeah, I’m thinking something far beyond your average ‘young, foolish, college student’ norm.
I would remind you that everything you’re ever going to be, you are currently in the process of becoming. And you’re currently becoming a drunken master of denial looking to push responsibility for his own life onto others.
Alcohol is a dangerous dance, always. Stronger and mightier than you have been subjugated, you could be the next though, from the sounds of it.
And lastly, forget the Japanese, start studying Egyptian, sure to be much more useful to you, y’know, down by de’Nile! 
Seriously, get a blog.
I don’t know whether you’re an alcoholic, but this behavior definitely falls into the “obnoxious drunk” category, and would be liable to create problems with any roommates, let alone your own parents.
The memory loss is especially worrisome. I’ve been drinking alcohol for about 20 years (not continuously, of course, or my typing would be a lot worse) and occasionally a lot more than I should have, and have never had a blackout. If it’s happening to you regularly, you must be either mixing it with pills or consuming heroic amounts—either way, be careful.