I pit my religious upbringing for the sexual damage it's caused

[The_wind_of_my_soul]

Ready for some TMI?

It took me four years of attempting to stick a tampon up my vagina before I could finally do it without excruciating pain.

The first time a guy fingered me, it felt so horrible that I asked him to stop. It felt like he had his whole fist shoved up inside me. He insisted that he had only stuck one finger up there and was trying to be gentle, but I was doubtful so I tried sticking a finger up my vagina in my bedroom. He was right. One finger hurt an awful lot.

The first time I had a pelvic exam I cried from the pain. The second time I was in so much pain that the nurse altered her standard procedure to try to accommodate my pain.

I think the first time I had sex without feeling any pain was about a year after I lost my virginity.

When I masturbate, I never penetrate my vagina, I just rub the area around it.

Sex is still uncomfortable and sometimes painful for me on a regular basis, and I get the sinking feeling that I don’t enjoy sex as much as most people. (To be fair, I have had a handful of amazing sexual experiences.)

My parents taught me that sexual intercourse was something that happened between two married people.

They monitored the movies and TV shows I watched, and they considered sexual scenes to be the single most inappropriate thing for me to watch: worse than violence, worse than cursing, worse than drugs … worse than anything.

When I was in public school, they refused to sign the waiver to let me take sex education, and I had to sit in the library and write a research paper about my religion instead.

About my religion … let’s keep it brief and just say that my parents were very religious, and, as is the case with many religions, premarital sex was a sin.

I went to a high school affiliated with my religion, and we received abstinence only education. This education consisted of Right Relationships talks, where we discussed how anyone who wants to have sex with you is with you for the wrong reasons, and anyone worthy of your respect will honor your wish to wait until marriage.

Tonight I discovered vaginismus. Being the armchair diagnostic that I am, I immediately recognized myself in the description. You can google it for more details. In a nutshell: women who have ingrained in them at a young age that sex is bad develop a muscle memory in accordance with this attitude. The vaginal muscles tense up, and it’s an involuntary response, similar to how your eyelid blinks when you’re trying to keep foreign objects out of your eye.

Maybe I’m wrong, and my upbringing has nothing to do with my unusually tight vagina. But if I’m right, then I pit my parents and my religious upbringing for taking this simple pleasure away from me.

But to end on a positive note, I am very grateful for discovering this condition, because I also discovered that vaginal dilation kits are supposed to help with this.

[the_diego]

As a male what can I say? This reminds me of my freshman year when I nearly went crazy about my math, chem and physics load. My parents insisted I attend a secondary school that was heavy on vocationals and liberal arts. Yeah, I pitted my parents then. It took the whole 4 years to get the kind of discipline required for a student of science. Your problem seems to have gone away after a year.

AND SO???

[Bam_Boo_Gut]

@the_diego

As a male what can I say?

AND SO???

Well, does your dick hurt when you wank? That might be comparable maybe.

Geez :smack:

[Sicks_Ate]

@the_diego

As a male what can I say? This reminds me of my freshman year when I nearly went crazy about my math, chem and physics load. My parents insisted I attend a secondary school that was heavy on vocationals and liberal arts. Yeah, I pitted my parents then. It took the whole 4 years to get the kind of discipline required for a student of science. Your problem seems to have gone away after a year.

AND SO???

Thanks! The wind of my soul forgot to mention douches, so it’s a good thing you showed up.

[Faruiza]

@the_diego

As a male what can I say? This reminds me of my freshman year when I nearly went crazy about my math, chem and physics load. My parents insisted I attend a secondary school that was heavy on vocationals and liberal arts. Yeah, I pitted my parents then. It took the whole 4 years to get the kind of discipline required for a student of science. Your problem seems to have gone away after a year.

AND SO???

You wanna tell us what in the blue fuck this has to do with anything?

On second thought, don’t bother. There’s no way you could possibly explain yourself that doesn’t sum up to, “I just felt like being a dick.”

Sex gets better, Wind. You just gotta work at it more than most people. Sounds like you will, since you want to and you’re doing your research to help that along. What I wish for you is a really good, really patient lover who is into helping you get there.

[Try2B_Comprehensive]

I’m sorry you had to go through this. It sure is a fucked up world, isn’t it? On the (sort of) bright side, at least they didn’t go so far as to amputate a part of your genitalia for no. reason. whatsoever. like they did with me. OTOH I can’t say I have had comparable sexual dysfunction as a result of the religious insanity in my own past. Back to the dark side though, I did have to endure being made a pariah by a surplus of half-wits for the ‘crime’ of having a sexual side to my person, and also had to endure seeing my engineering career sabotaged because I didn’t believe the Earth is 6000 years old & assorted other religious bullshit. What kind of engineer would believe that bullshit? And, I was assaulted in a way that could have killed me for being a ‘liberal’.

I dunno if this makes you feel any better or not. All I know is that, at root, religion in America is basically about wielding authority on a ‘because I said so basis’, and doing everything possible to treat others as slaves, including fucking them over in every way possible.

So in my roundabout way I guess I approve your pitting of your parents and your religious environment. Someone is going to come in here and point out that they mean well, the religious dipshits mean well, everyone’s really a nice person once you get to know them yada yada yada, but would it kill people to pull their heads out of their arses and put two and fucking two together? No, I don’t think that would kill anyone. Pit away.

[Troppus]

In my experience shame is the most powerful and awful tool people can use to control others, and it’s inexcusable. Seconding Faruiza’s post. If you don’t have a partner to practice with, consider pornography, either written or video. Nothing extreme is necessary, just graphic enough to help desensitize you a bit. It can get better, and when it’s good it’s incredible and worth the energy.

[the_diego]

I just thought I’d pit myself for lack of anything interesting. And I’m too lazy to open a thread entitled “I pit myself for blaming my parents for anything.”

[VinylTurnip]

Odd how religion seems to make girls’ vaginas tighter and boys’ anuses looser.

Condolences on your lockbox, but (as you also noted) I’ve heard it’s quite treatable. See a doc and you’ll be muling kilos in no time.

[Ferret_Herder]

The wind of my soul, please ignore the idiots.

Ask a trusted gynecologist - one who actually listens to you when you say things like how much the pelvic exam hurts, rather than brushing you off - about treatments for vaginismus. Good luck to you, and I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that.

[Kolga]

@the_diego

I just thought I’d pit myself for lack of anything interesting. And I’m too lazy to open a thread entitled “I pit myself for blaming my parents for anything.”

Feel free to go take a long walk off a short pier, if all you’re going to do is fucking whinge about how you think the OP isn’t worthy of the pit.

Christ jesus on a fucking pogo stick, people around here suck assholes sometimes in their attempts to be so goddamned Asperger’s that they give Sheldon Cooper a run for his money.

[nikonikosuru]

@the_diego

As a male what can I say? This reminds me of my freshman year when I nearly went crazy about my math, chem and physics load. My parents insisted I attend a secondary school that was heavy on vocationals and liberal arts. Yeah, I pitted my parents then. It took the whole 4 years to get the kind of discipline required for a student of science. Your problem seems to have gone away after a year.

AND SO???

Your story has nothing in common with the OP. Way to be a gigantic asshole and miss the point completely.

[kayaker]

@the_diego

As a male what can I say? This reminds me of my freshman year when I nearly went crazy about my math, chem and physics load. My parents insisted I attend a secondary school that was heavy on vocationals and liberal arts. Yeah, I pitted my parents then. It took the whole 4 years to get the kind of discipline required for a student of science. Your problem seems to have gone away after a year.

AND SO???

Dude, hush. The ladies are talking about vaginas.

[pikey_pete]

once again, religion drains the joy out of life.

[smiling_bandit]

Ignoring the previous hijacking, I have my own issues with the OP. But I strenuously doubt anything but lauding and paiseful sympathy would be listened to, so fuck it.

[Kolga]

@smiling_bandit

Ignoring the previous hijacking, I have my own issues with the OP. But I strenuously doubt anything but lauding and paiseful sympathy would be listened to, so fuck it.

Thank you for feeling the need to post such strutting male privilege in this thread in order to determine your lack of giving a fuck. You could, of course, have just ignored the fucking thing, but doing so wouldn’t have allowed you such an overwhelming sense of sneering superiority.

[the_diego]

^
Feel free to diss male-oriented pains. Male OPs at least don’t expect half the dopers to come to their rescue.

[Troppus]

@the_diego

^
Feel free to diss male-oriented pains. Male OPs at least don’t expect half the dopers to come to their rescue.

Vag envy, bro?

[Kolga]

Feel free to post links to support your claims, IN ANOTHER THREAD, so you don’t continue to threadshit. Unless, of course, you can link to posts by the OP that indicate a need and necessity to threadshit.

[smiling_bandit]

@Kolga

Thank you for feeling the need to post such strutting male privilege in this thread in order to determine your lack of giving a fuck. You could, of course, have just ignored the fucking thing, but doing so wouldn’t have allowed you such an overwhelming sense of sneering superiority.

Don’t be ridiculous.

I have an sneering sense of overwhelming superiority.