Very well said. Thank you.
No, that means they;re not going to name the child Donkey,
Or would that be the “Big, Big D”?
I’m plenty sympathetic. In fact, i’ve had an “oops” pregnancy myself. All people are saying is, JUST a condom is not all that reliable if you’re serious about not wanting more kids. There are so many options available, so if you’re seriously serious about no more kids, it shouldn’t be a problem. That’s all we’re saying. And if you’re not willing to utilize all the options available, then don’t be surprised/complain when you get pregnant. This is stuff they teach you in high school sex ed, so it’s not like it’s some offensive or controversial idea or anything.
I think you might have missed the part where they used the morning after pill.
This wasn’t a “JUST a condom” situation.
Congrats on the baby-to-be, KG. I hope he fits into your life so well you someday can’t imagine it without him!
I guess you guys didn’t read my OP. It’s more than just a condom.
The situation is this: Condom + Day 9 + Emergency Contraception = Pregnancy!!
So, we have the barrier method (male condom) used (98% effectiveness if used according to instructions, which it was).
We have intercourse performed during a non-fertile time (Natural Family Planning method). Ovulation occurs around 12 to 16 days before the start of the next period. This was Day 9! DAY. FUCKING. 9!!
We have an Emergency Hormonal Contraception (EHC) pill taken less than 24 hours after intercourse (drops 8% chance to 2% chance).
Call me ignorant, but I call that responsibile behavior.
On top of all of that, I was scheduled (still am) to see a doctor about the “snip-snip”. Hell, we’ve only had sex like 4 or 5 times since the birth of our second child!
:dubious:
My sympathies, Kings_Gambit1, we don’t want ANY children. I’ve just had a hysterectomy (for health reasons, not BC reasons) and I’ve been in terror for the last two months that somehow, that .02% chance would catch up with my and I’d end up pregnant before the surgery, in spite of 10 years of BC pills, taken, missed, late, etc. and never getting preggers.
I don’t think they’d do a hysterectomy for birth control reasons alone, would they? I want to get myself fixed – meaning a tubal – but I can’t afford it. If they could just remove the whole thing, tada! No worries! No periods! It would be…beautiful.
I’m going to be a bit on edge for a while, I just had sex for the first time in a year and a half, and while I’m religious about taking my pills, I’m still going to worry. (I shoulda brought condoms for backup. I will next time!)
It should be noted a woman can get pregnant at any time during her cycle. And if you are calculating Day 9 as nine days after menstration ends (Day 1 is when menstraion starts, not ends) you are pretty much at the height of fetility.
You’re wrong Kel. The height of fertility is days 12-16.
Kel’s not wrong, didn’t you look at his quote and cite? Besides, the key word you use is “height.” A woman can be fertile almost anytime, fact is, you just never know. I can’t believe people are still relying on the rhythm method anyway, it is very unreliable. Your wife’s egg could easily have been released on day 7, 8, 9, or 10. Ovaries are not on a strict calendar.
This is Og’s own truth. Hell, I’ve been lucky–my pregnancies have been entirely planned and wanted. But I’ll never forget the first one, sitting in the bathroom with the test, thinking, “Oh, please be a plus, please be a plus!” And the little plus appeared, and the first thing I though was “Oh, shit, what have I done???” and that horrible sinking feeling in my gut, like when you know you’ve messed up bad.
Emotional reactions to your kids are complicated. Every parent has angry/ambivalent/resentful/you name it thoughts and feelings about their kids from time to time. It doesn’t mean they’re a bad parent, or don’t love their kids.
Didn’t you notice how I said if you were counting from the end of menstration? 9 + 3 or 4 = 12 or 13 which is pretty much the height of fertility. A lot of people think that they should start counting at the end of menstration, not the beginning.
Condom + trying to have sex during an infertile part of wife’s cycle + morning after != “JUST a condom.”
“Well then, they should have…blah pills blah blah diaphragm blah Coca-Cola douche blah.” How many kinds would they have had to have used for you to say, “Wow…that sucks!” instead of “You obviously don’t even have a high-schooler’s degree of knowledge in sex education?”
Oh Hamadryad, I’m so glad my boss left for the day already because that’s hilarious. All I have to say is: Coca-Cola Douche Band name or not? 
Sam
Very true. I had a miscarriage last year before I even knew that I was pregnant - went to the doctor for what I thought was an incredibly heavy and painful period, and apparently, I was having a very early miscarriage. We were certainly NOT ready for children at the time (in a long-distance relationship trying to get one of us to relocate, and planning a wedding), but I was hit by a few major emotions - first relief over not being pregnant any longer, then angry at myself for feeling relief, then sad over what we had lost - our baby would be a little over a month old now if I’d carried to term. I was a bit shocked at my feelings of sadness - I really didn’t expect to feel so devastated by something I didn’t even know I’d had. (The one plus was that due to endometriosis, there’s been question of even being able to get pregnant - at least now, I know it’s possible.) And when we do have children, whether it’s planned, via adoption, or a slip-up of our birth control, I know we’ll be overjoyed to be parents despite the circumstances - regardless of our initial feelings
You have my congrats, Kings_Gambit. If it’s a girl, avabeth is a great name:).
Ava
If you broke it while skateboarding, and you’re wearing pads that are known to be ineffective, and you’ve already decided that getting medical treatment “isn’t an option” if you should fall and break your leg… then yes, it’s your fault.
You did something that you knew had a risk, you used a half-assed method of preventing those risks, and you’re unwilling to resolve the risk after the fact. You knew the half-assed protection was all that stood between you and what you didn’t want to happen, and yet you participated in something that might make it happen anyway.
“Typical” condom use is apparently only 85% effective, and I think “typical” is optimistic considering what the OP has said about his condom use. The morning after pill is only 75% effective. The rhythm method hardly counts as birth control, even if it’s done correctly, which isn’t clear here.
Combined, condoms and ECP are about 96% effective - less than real birth control pills alone. That’s a 1 in 25 chance of failure. If I were relying on contraception and nothing else to save me from 18 years of parenthood, I’d want to be more sure than that.
Er, scratch “18 years of”. Naturally you’re a parent your whole life.
King, I offer both my condolensces and my congratulations, since the shock would probably be enough to give me a heart attack, and yet it sounds like you’re reacting with aplomb and happiness. So, may this one bring you joy, as it sounds like the other ones have, and may you not have to entirely sacrifice sleep, sex, and restaurants that don’t feature cartoon clowns.
And the rest of you: as much as you clearly enjoy giving stern, unpleasant lectures on contraception, aren’t you closing the barn door after the cows have escaped here? Quit the lecturing and celebrate the mystery of human life a little bit.
However, not wanting children of my own, this thead gives me one more reason to be glad I’m queer . . . 
In the particular case of the OP, sure. But who knows, maybe someone else is reading and now realizes he isn’t
Someone’s efforts and wishes have been thwarted, and there’s nothing he can do about it. But it’s a cause for celebration because… why? Because there’s a baby involved and babies are just little bundles of joy? Because an unlikely event took place and that’s supposed to be mysterious?
Bah.
“now realizes he isn’t doing everyything he can to ensure that he doesn’t have any more kids.”