**Loach **is a cop. If you think you can “beat seven shades of shit” out of him, should you ever meet him in meatspace, it would indicate a rather high self estimation of your pugilistic prowess. simster’s comment makes perfect sense to anyone who knows Loach’s profession.
Perhaps you should take up boxing, then. Seems to have gotten Mike Tyson plenty of tail.
^^ true that.
“Jesse” does excel at spewing venom and stays right on top of that! I think he’s playing us tho and really is sweet.
And he was convicted of rape. So when the rapist is better than you, isn’t it time to kill yourself?
Yeah, I must be sweet. Just look at all the girlfriends I’ve had…
Oh, he’s totally playing us, no question about that. 
Wow, I suck so bad I can’t even convince people of it.
Try for a little more realism and a little less “over the top”.
Sheesh, I spent a good chunk of 2013 seriously planning suicide and I managed to find some good things in life. NO ONE has a life that is absolutely 100% total badness.
It makes sense to anyone who knows Loach… which you clearly don’t.
Claiming you can beat the shit out of people you don’t know shows a measure of ‘confidence’ in your ability to fight -
Basically - you’re full of shit, your attempt to insult me fails, and you should take your act elsewhere.
Pretty much. Either one of two things is going on here. Either you are actually suicidal or you’re not. If you are, you’re “crying out for help,” specifically to people who cannot actually help you. We don’t know you, or where you live, or what police department to call to do a wellness check and get you in to a mental treatment facility. So…um…good luck with that, I guess. I hope it’s as painless for you and the people around you as possible.
Or you’re trolling.
The very slim third chance is that you’re suicidal and actually reaching out for help. If that’s the case, please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or go to this webpage and click to chat or text “CTL” to 741741 if you prefer to receive help by text, or drive or walk yourself to the nearest emergency room for evaluation and treatment.
If you’re not willing to do any of those things, then I don’t know what you’re looking for, other than making Dopers dance to your tune. Which brings us back to trolling. Being suicidal and trolling aren’t mutually exclusive, they’re just completely non-productive.
You excel at being negative. In fact, you excel so much you get everyone to get negative for you, raising the level of the negativity in the universe. So, there might be a future for you in politics.
Why pit? Embrace. You’re an impotent asshole. Make peace with it. You’re not special. There are lots of people like you in the world. Be one with your brethren.
Alrighty then, you know what you’re good at? Sucking! And you need to OWN your suckitude, rock out with it and revel in it! You are the suckiest sucker that ever sucked! You should be in the Guinness Book Of World Records for sucking, AND for Uselessness! Tops in TWO categories!! You are indeed a star!! Go you!
Thank you for this practical info, WhyNot. So that if anyone else is reading this and is getting that nasty negative feeling by association, they can at least get help for themselves, since we know “Jesse” wont.
I have tried killing myself already. Twice. Such a failure I can’t even fail.
Maybe Jesse needs suicide counseling. OTOH, maybe he just needs to light a fire under his ass.
Jesse might cheer up if he got a date. So I think he ought to practice cooking something a woman would want to eat. Cook it 3 times before he serves it so he can do it right.
Also, he ought to read an article about… something. He should read it 3 times so he can talk about it to the girl he is cooking something tasty for.
He’s gonna blow it! She’ll talk about something other than his script and he’ll say or do something stupid- he’s going to suck at this. Which brings us to my point- why does he suck? What did he do wrong? And will he do anything about it before the next time?
Oh, I most definitely do.
The fire under my ass has already been lit multiple times. Each time I just wind up crashing and burning.
I haven’t even gotten out of bed today. Why bother? Nothing good ever happens to me when I do.
[Moderating]
I haven’t gotten out of bed yet, either, but I can still ban a troll, proving that good things can happen even for the terminally lazy.
[/Moderating]
