I pit the worst day of my life FEBRUARY 11 2005

START, you have my deepest sympathy - losing a sibling is truly awful.

My condolences to you and your family, START.

Very sorry to hear this sad news, kiddo.

Hang in there.

My deepest sympathies.

If you need something, don’t hesitate to ask. Clearly there are lots of folks here ready and willing to help. One of the great things about this place…strangers always ready to duke it out and always ready to lend a helping hand.

I am very sorry, START. My prayers for you, your brother, and family. Hold onto your memories of him. live in your actions and heart. You are loved and blessed, look for your strength.

Oh, START, I’m so very, very sorry. I know there is nothing I or anyone else can say or do to take the pain away. Just try to remember that you did what you could, that your brother knew you were there for him, and that it is obvious to all of us just how much you love him.

I am sorry I submitted too soon, that should read “He lives in your actions and heart.”

I am truly sorry and my condolences.

No words, just hugs and prayers.

“To live on in hearts we leave behind is not to die.”

Remember that, and hold your brother in your heart and memory. The hole you feel in your gut right now never really goes away, but give it some time and it stops hurting so much.

Read that again, START. It’s important. You’re upset because you clothed your brother instead of giving him CPR or praying for him - but CPR would not have helped him, and your defense of your brother’s dignity was every inch a prayer.

May you be granted the strength to carry on, though a part of your heart is gone. You did what you could, START; in the midst of your grief, try to remember that. All our thoughts are with you.

START: I only found out about this thread after reading about it in my own thread, where I said that my mother died this morning – probably half an hour after I’d talked with my sister, who was with her.

I had athsma for a few years when I was a kid, after contracting pneumonia. Although it was never life-threatening, I knew what it was to not be able to breathe. I’ve known a couple of people whose athsma was life-threatening, and who have had to go to hospital.

I found out my mother had cancer in early December. The grief hit me hard, and the waiting for the inevitable has been tough. But I’ve had two months to come to terms with it. Your brother was taken suddenly, and at a too-young age.

Please accept my condolences for your loss.

Don’t beat yourself up for trying to do something considerate for your brother, START. You woke up to a surreal situation and did the best you could in it. Thinking of your brother’s dignity was not a bad thing.

Asthma is a horrible disease and there’s nothing you could have done that the paramedics didn’t try. My mother lost her father when we were very young to an asthma attack and my family knows very well how very unreal and unfair it seems that it can happen that fast.

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. My deepest condolences.

Oh Start. What a rotten thing. Yes, getting him dressed was probably the best you could have done for him. If he was at all aware it was probably such a relief to him. There was no reason you should have done CPR. The last you saw, he was still breathing a bit, right? After that, the professionals were there and it wouldn’t have been up to you at all anyway.

May God hold you, comfort you and give you peace. That’s what He’s doing right now for your brother.

Just to reitterate some things:

Do not feel guilty about anything you did, or did not do.

You did not contribute to his death. There was nothing you could have done to help him, medically. But you were a good brother for thinking of his dignity and putting some clothes on him. I’m sure that, presuming the afterlife includes an awareness of what’s going on on this side of the veil, that he appreciates the thought.

My condolences for your loss, START. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter 10 years ago, an I know it takes a long time but it does get better. My families prayers are with your family.

:frowning:

Stand Strong, friend START…

Kia Kaha

First off, I’d like to say that you have my condolences, even though I know that no display of sympathy is going to help very much right now.

I know this feeling all too well. I had almost the exact same experience when my mother died. I doubt there’s a worse way to be awakened than that.

I know that feeling, too. When my mom died (and it was sudden and unexpected, like your brother) I don’t think I cried at all the first day. It just seemed all too unreal.

The reality will sink in later, and, in my experience, that’s the hardest part to deal with. Eventually, the pain will begin to dull a bit, but I don’t think it ever goes away completely, for which I am actually glad. For the pain to disappear altogether would seem like an insult to those who have passed, as if their life didn’t really matter. At my mother’s memorial service, someone said something that I really took to heart, “Grief is the price we pay for love”.

You absolutely must not believe that you did the wrong thing. Playing the “what if” game won’t help in the least, and will only make you more depressed. Also, I know it doesn’t help much to hear it, but it’s doubtful that CPR would have helped in a case of severe asthma. As for the praying, well, I’m an atheist myself, but I can’t imagine that any loving or just god would decide whether or not to ends someone’s life based on how many people gathered around to pray. You managed to do something, at least; you helped your brother to keep some of his dignity, and that’s a great deal more than most people would have been able to do in that situation.

hugs and prayers

Oh dear. That’s terrible. :frowning:

I’d like to add to what everyone else said: You might feel guilty, somehow, some way. But remember, that’s a natural reaction. Not because you did anything wrong, but because that’s a human defense mechanism to cope with grief. Everyone, when confronted with a tragic loss, goes through feelings of regret and guilt.

It’s a terrible thing, and you’ve got to sort through it yourself, at your own pace. But don’t think that you’re alone.