First, no I haven’t said anything. And yes, it’s still bad. And, no, I guess I shouldn’t complain b/c I haven’t said anything. However, I haven’t said anything b/c my spouse and I don’t want to make waves when this is such an important thing for us.
Anyway, as you know they missed the week before last and it was bliss. I was going to thank the cat, but unfortunately, it passed away (we have a cat we love with all of our hearts, so of course we wouldn’t wish that on anyone). This week, they were here. At first, she appeared quiet so we thought we were going to have another reprieve. But nope, she and her big mouth struck again. We had to take turns “reading” stories about certain examples (another of my pet peeves, being read to, but that’s another thread). Of course, she gets the one about the infertile couple trying to conceive for years; and with failure, deciding to adopt. But of course, she couldn’t leave the story that way. This is how she changed it:
“Sam and Susie had been married for seven years. They had gone to a fertility specialist with no success. So one day they decided to adopt. BUT THEN THEY GOT PREGNANT!” :smack: As you can probably see, the last sentence was not in the story and there DEFINITELY no victory fist, which we got to see once again, along with a REALLY loud giggle and a " I KNEW this story was for me!" :wally
So I thought my spouse was going to punch her in the face, but we didn’t want to spend the night in jail, so here I am venting to you dear dopers once again. :mad:
Ugh. What a creature. Never mind not punching her in the face, the way she’s going it’s just a matter of time before someone does.
You can just imagine the sort of parent she’s going to be. Bragging about how perfect her kids are and putting everyone else’s down.
You’ve GOT to address this somehow. A simple, “Excuse me, but your comments are very upsetting to my wife and myself” shouldn’t (theoretically) cause problems. If she does react badly, the facilitator of the group should be able to smooth things over. Really, at this point, I’m wondering what kind of person is in charge of this seminar.
Funny that all the Google ads are for chocolate and cocoa, considering Nasty Pregnant Lady doesn’t want any chocolate around her.
Obviously, even they (the ads) don’t like her.
(I know mentioning the Google ads is frowned upon, but it just struck me as funny)
No offense, but really, I think at this point, you’re just as much at fault for not speaking up. Even if it’s just to say, “Excuse me, but I think you’re being a bit insensitive.”
Do the other attendees keep straight faces during these outbursts? No rolleyes? I’m amazed that you’re all so composed. What an awful way to celebrate an impending adoption.
Are you sure the Group Leader isn’t silently making plans to flunk these dim bulbs? If I were putting a child up for adoption, that’s the last couple I’d want for parents.
I sure wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of the bad karma she’s building up.
OK, if I understand this correctly (which is a big if), this woman and her pod person spouse are still adopting a baby/child?
I thought I understood it to be that such adoptions were put on hold because of bonding issues or some such.
and I agree–something must be said to this woman or to the preceptor of the class. Or even if you talk to others in the class–if 4 of you feel uncomfortable, that should be a spur to stop the insanity.
Guinastasia nailed it. You need to speak up. What’s the worst that happens? Ms. Victory Fist gets her nose out of joint. Big fucking deal. The rest of the class will love you.
You don’t need to speak up. Honor does not demand it. You don’t need the rest of the class’es love. All you need to do is get through this and get your child.
I guess it depends how the possible ensuing argument goes. I can see why you’d hesitate. Of course the agency will know you are there because adoption is your second choice, but I’m sure you don’t want to give the impression that is a distant second choice, And that’s where the “don’t make waves” part comes in. You don’t want to have the small victory of shutting some fool (that you will never see again after this) down and lose the opportunity to adopt because they decide you are too bitter or something. I personally think the best choice is to only vent here.
Nonsense! He and his wife are going to have to deal with that in the future-what if someone acted like that around his future child?
You don’t have to get confrontational, just a firm, yet polite, “I understand you are excited, but some of us feel you are being very insensitive to our situations. Would you please be a little more considerate of those around you?” is fine.
Okay, furnishesq, we’re going to need the email address for this creature in your class. You might not want to make waves, but I can assure you that most everyone reading this does. I think a few hundred well-worded emails might get the point across to her about how people behave in polite society.
You could simply ask her if she gives a victory fist and commemorative celebration when discussing her future adopted child as well. I might save that one for the parking lot, however.
And I wish, like everyone else here, that SOMEONE would give this woman her comeuppance! The way this woman acts is so odd it’s almost unbelievable. It’s just jaw-droppingly STRANGE. I am flabbergasted that anyone could think that that is a reasonable or normal way to behave.
Either the woman (and her partner) have been planted by the class supervisors…but for what reason I can’t quite put my finger on…perhaps some extra-curricular assertiveness training for the other members of the class, who obviously aren’t being vocal at all about their sensibilities being offended? Doesn’t seem all that likely though really. It’s too bloody complicated.
Or, the woman (and her partner) are complete fucken fruitcakes, but the adoption agency is somehow locked into keeping them as clients. What country are they hoping to adopt from, and how much money has changed hands in the interim? Nah, that would be too easy to blow the lid on, now I think about it.
I think you need to be vocal about this. You are doing your future children a disservice if you are not. If you think that your social worker will scrap your adoption process because of this, then have a friend contact the office for you without using your names and explain the situation. If you think the social worker may take retalitory action, write the complaint, copy her boss.
You child’s entire life they will be made to feel they aren’t “good enough” because they are adopted. You won’t do it - or you will really try to keep all the adoption language positive (sometimes you can’t help interpret how an adopted child takes the fact that you are happy over someone’s pregnancy). But it will happen when kids say “You were adopted,” when stupid parents ask “how much did you pay for him,” and the stupider ones say “we were going to adopt, but we looked into it and it was so expensive, it just wasn’t worth it” (while driving away in their new Volvo).
You need to start standing up for your kid NOW.
Also, look through your paperwork. I’ve been involved in the national adoption community for eight years, and every place I know of has a pregnancy clause…get pregnant, your adoption process stops until the pregnancy reaches a conclusion. Its possible that is not the case here, but you’d be a fairly rare exception.
I’m starting to feel like our chain is being yanked with this story, because I really find it difficult to believe, not so much that this woman is that outrageously insensitive, but that everyone else in this group is such a freaking doormat.
the story is absolutely true. and my spouse and I aren’t doormats; however, we are in a situation where individuals are judging us on whether we are fit to adopt and I’m not going to do ANYTHING to injure that simply b/c another individual is a total dipwad. unless you are in a similar situation, you can’t judge. and if “being a doormat” as some of you have said gets us a child, than I will be a doormat. it’s not that I like it, especially as it totally goes against our nature - but I will endure it b/c it is worth it. we have one more class to endure. and I thought venting here would help, which for the most part it has. thanks to those who have given their support.
Oh please. No one is going to deny you an adoption for politely saying, “Excuse me, but I think you’re being a bit insensitive to the rest of us here.”
It’s pretty damned easy to roll your eyes when you’re not the one who could be risking losing the chance to adopt a child, when that’s what you want so badly. Even if the odds of that being the case are low, the potential loss if you’re wrong is tremendous.
I know it’s frustrating, but I admire your restraint and maturity in keeping your eye on the prize, furnishesq. Best wishes to you and your spouse.
