We wish you did, too so you’d just fly right the hell out of here.
I went grocery shopping today.
Shoplifting is not technically grocery shopping, Patx2. Use the kids as a distraction, do you?
My nose won’t stop running.
Your nose runs and your feet smell? You’re built upside down!
We did not get the nasty snow and rain they predicted.
Great. Another climate change denialist. Just what we needed.
The smallest bones in the human body are found in the ear.
What the hell do you think this is, Spiderman, trivia dominoes? Stop reading your damned comic books and try paying closer attention to where you post.
My mother just won a blue ribbon at the county fair for her apple cobbler.
Didn’t offer us any, did you? That’s just impolite.
I love apple cobbler.
You kept this worn-out thread going just to tell us you like a certain food? Narcissistic much?
I need hot water bottles to keep me warm at night.
Can’t get a living person to do that?
I’m glad Valentine’s Day is over.
Is that because you hate the hard-working folks at Hallmark or because none of your 57 cats gave you a card?
I miss the '60s.
Spoken like a true hippie. I’ll bet you still don’t hold a real job do you?
It will be nice to have off work tomorrow.
And why should tomorrow be any different or special for you? Hippie indeed!
In only nine short months we’ll all be able to listen to Christmas music on the radio once again!
Seriously! The way Xmas is commercialized it’ll be only six friggin’ months before the big corporations and their lackeys are pushing that crap on us again. I hope that commie Claus just leaves you coal this year!
I can see much better now that I have new glasses.
Every other driver on the road is very happy to hear that news, you were probably out driving all crazy, not a care in the world for the potential bodily harm and damage you may have caused.
I’m getting a little tired, early to bed tonight!
♬Every party has a pooper♬…
It has gotten cold again around here.
Duh, winter! What the hell were you expecting—sunbathing?
Does Disney really have a vault for their movies?
Do you really have nothing more important to ponder? It must be nice being so simple.
I had breakfast for dinner tonight.
That was half an Egg McMuffin and a hash brown you didn’t finish this morning because you were too drunk.
Boy, Freddie Mercury really nailed it tonight when Queen opened the Oscars.
Uh, Freddie Mercury died in 1991. The only place he nails it is in his coffin.
Rami Malek won Best Male Actor Oscar. He deserved it!
He won it because he was marketed to the academy members. Bigger actors have boycotted the awards. Ever see a nomination from a low-budget film?
I think my gluts are weakening.
You? Think? Oh, that’s rich! If you ridiculous body builders spent half as much time working on your mind as you do on your glutes, you might be able to spell them correctly.
I just read Proust’s In Search of Lost Time in the original French.