It’s not as if you’ve had anything to do with that, get a grip.
I cooked a very good dinner for Father’s Day.
Well last year you were cooked on Fathers day. I think you should try to do better this year.
Both cats are asleep on my lap.
And there it is – your excuse for being a lazy ass. “I don’t wanna move the cats, otherwise, I…a…” Oh please.
It is our wedding anniversary tomorrow. We love each other.
Yes, and you could get married decades ago. What about all the people who love each other who couldn’t get married for stupid reasons?
My sister finally has her legally wedded wife.
Congratulations you sneaky bastard, you posted the one comment no one can snark or outrage at without sounding like a homophobic misogynist! How very dare you!
My nephew and his wife just had a baby girl. They named her Keshet which means rainbow in Hebrew.
And you just did the very same thing you complained about Annie-Xmas doing, you hypocritical putz! Congratulations to your nephew and niece!
I held a baby alligator in the Okefenokee Swamp yesterday.
Right on your way back from the Orlando rally where you held up a ‘Drain the Swamp’ sign.
This is the first time in 11 years I didn’t follow the NBA draft.
Yeah. Let me guess… too many black players. And Canadian players. And Japanese players. But no players named “Steve” or “Norman”. But I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. Sure.
I apologize for my previous statement. I don’t think that Covfefe is racist at all and it was all written in the spirit of the thread.
So maybe, you should start to think before using the submit button. Once it’s out there, you can’t get it back you know.
I just finished food shopping, glad that’s done.
Yeah, I image you really hit the cake, candy, cookie, and donut aisles.
I just love binge watching The Simpsons
Ah the Simpson’s- 30 years ago cutting edge subversive humor, now the comedic equivalent of eating a doughnut-full of fat, phoney sweeteners and of no nutritional value.
Walked 3 miles the other day, it felt good.
Couldn’t find your car again after a night out, right? Yeah, you felt good – you sobered up.
I finally got over a 2-week cold/virus infection.
By passing it on to some other poor slob, no doubt.
Going to see an exhibition of post-impressionist paintings at the museum, today.
Well, la-de-da for you, you intellectual snot.
I just put together a great red, white and blue outfit for July 4th.
So, what blue and white pieces are you matching with your MAGA cap?
My daughter is in NYC, visiting colleges.
Nice stealth brag that your daughter is considering Columbia and NYU. Hope she likes living on day-old ramen noodles for the next thirty years, as she tries to pay off her student loans!
I’m on my second week of vacation, and haven’t done a damned thing.
Which is why you’ll never amount to anything.
(And, for the record: Ain’t no “stealth” bragging about this! 
)
It’s raining here in San Antonio, which will continue to make my yard look fantastic.
I’m sure your neighbors are thrilled with all of your overgrown weeds.
I love air conditioning!
You love wasting energy, you love contributing to climate change, global warming and the possible death of the planet, whilst you bask in 50 degree temps! Thanks Mr Freeze!
I’m drinking a soda water, orange flavored, no calories.
You do know water comes free from the tap and even from the sky, but you got to contribute to the plastic landfills.
I paged a mother when her lost child came to my register saying “I can’t find my mom.” Happy Ending!