I had sex with a prostitute. Here’s my sad little story…
(note: Right now I live in Guatemala, and even though I’ve been here for a while, I can barely speak Spanish.)
Some friends wanted to go to a strip club and I, never being too inhibited about sex, tagged along. I actually didn’t know it was also a brothel, but I guess it’s too late now to whine about details.
One of my friends happened to be very rich and he said he was going to cover all the fees, including the drinks, girls and everything else. I drank more than I should’ve (as always) and got pretty drunk. Anyways, a bunch of the strippers came over and kept us company. The guy paying was the first to go upstairs. Later another friend caved and went upstairs. As all this is happening, every one of my friends has a stripper/prostitute rubbing up against him and having a conversation. The one with me was simply rubbing up against me and singing along to the music because we couldn’t communicate. I really wanted to go upstairs, but I was having quite an internal conflict. But after a lot of encouragement from my “friends” I went upstairs. She was really pretty. I think I enjoyed the experience while it was happening. We used protection so hopefully I didn’t get any STDs.
The second I came back down, I felt horrible. Some friends who didn’t cave were waiting downstairs… Some of the guys went home, and the 3 of us who were left went to the third guy’s house. Since they both didn’t cave, I asked them why not. Both of them really wanted to but after having a conversation with them and hearing about how much they hated their job and their life, they couldn’t. I still wonder if the girl I was with felt this way too.
I feel really hollow right now. I can’t pinpoint what’s making me feel so bad, but I’m pretty sure it’s not the guilt because I always thought myself to be rather sexually liberated. Maybe I feel manipulated into doing something I normally wouldn’t have. Maybe I feel sorry for the strippers. Maybe I feel lonely. I honestly don’t know. All I know is that I feel pretty horrible. Being drunk to the point of numbness, I can barely remember her face. For some reason, what would really make me feel better is knowing that she enjoyed the experience. Maybe I just feel pathetic (well, at least I didn’t plan this, or even pay for it…).
I think I’ll never do something like that again, but I think this was a great lesson about alcohol, and making your own decisions when it comes to certain things.
Has anyone else went through something similar? Please share, because knowing that I’m not alone would give me some comfort.
Never done that, but…it’s over. Learn and go on. As to the girl liking it, maybe she did, prolly she didn’t, but if it hadn’t have been you it would have been another guy. Console yourself with the fact that at least you’re a decent enough guy to worry about it. FWIW, I talked to a prostitute ( Talked, not fucked. She asked me if I wanted a date while I was pumping gas, I said no, but we chatted for 5 minutes)a few weeks back, and she said she absolutely loved being a whore. I sense she’s the minority, but it’s not a given that the girl felt bad about it. Sadly enough, most likely she felt nothing, prolly was a mundane physical thing to her, like taking a shit or tying her shoes. You tried it, you didn’t like it, move on and don’t do it again. I seriously doubt she is thinking about you at this point.
Sounds like you got to the real problem – too much booze. Although it’s been said by some people in the “recovery business” doing things drunk is kind of like doing things under hypnosis. You can’t be forced to do anything under hypnosis that you wouldn’t do otherwise. I’m not sure that’s true, but…
And maybe I’m just a jaded, empty old man, but what is really wrong with prostitution? If it’s between consenting adults, who is it hurting?
I’ve spent quite a bit of time in Thailand, and I’ve talked to many prostitutes there, and several here in Korea and in other places. (Prostitution, Prison, and War have always both fascinated and repulsed me, probably because of the moral/ethical upheaval involved. To experience any of those things is to see right and wrong in a very non-mainstream way, and it’s disorienting.) My wife and I spent a couple of afternoons playing cards with a working girl in Thailand, and we talked a lot. In the afternoons, they usually aren’t too busy.
Anyway, many of these women are very philosophical about their lives and situations. Given the economic realities of where they live, often there are very few choices available to them, and it’s pretty easy to see why they make the choices they do. (In some cases, of course, they are literally forced into it, a different matter.) A few really seem to like their work, and approach it in a really friendly sort of way, not sleazy and nasty.
non-native, as others said, at least you’re decent enough to feel bad about it. This implies to me that you were also a decent guy during the time you were together, and I’m sure some of her customers aren’t. You probably didn’t abuse her or slap her around or treat her disrespectfully. In that sense, I imagine she did enjoy the experience a little. I say don’t feel too bad about it. But I probably wouldn’t do it again.
Other than many, many lapdances- the one time I went to a hooker was a legal brothel in Nevada. Had no guilty feelings (ladies are clearly not forced into the work). Wasn’t all that fun, either, but I am glad of the experience. So, guys, if you’re going to do it- and I recommend it (ONCE!), then go to a nice, clean, regulated, legal NV brothel. No guilt, no fuss, no muss, no STD’s.
Like MrO I’m in Asia, and I can tell you we are up to our ears in hookers in this part of the world. Personally, I would find paying for it an admission of defeat - hell, they ought to be paying me, I’m so good - but I wouldn’t get depressed about having done it. I read somewhere the majority of guys have done it at some stage.
I’ve got friends who treat it as part of a night out: drinks, whore, dinner, go home (to their wife and kids in some cases). You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.
Hell, I hate my job and my life, and nobody ever felt bad about screwing me…
Anyway, my “I slept with a prostitute” story goes a little something like this. I was flirting with a guy in IM on AOL and, just as I was about to sign off I said something about a blow job. He responded with a price. I made some remark about making an appointment and he said he could come over right away. I still didn’t think he was serious and said as much. He told me to give him my phone number, I did and he called me and we got together later that day. I wanted to do it because I’d never paid for sex before and I thought it would be exciting. It wasn’t. I mean, the sex was all right but it was painfully obvious that the guy was not at all into me and was doing it for the money and no other reason. I don’t think I’d pay for sex again, at least not with an amateur. Maybe if it was a porn star who could act a little…
IMHO you have no way of knowing at this point what this woman’s story is. You can’t know whether she is a prostitute by choice or whether she’s been coerced into it. If you want to assume that she was a fully willing participant, I think that’s all right. If you want to assume that she was not, then that’s all right too, if you do something with your guilt like maybe donate money to a women’s shelter or a group working to get women out of prostitution.
kevja
If both people are truly consenting, then IMHO there’s nothing at all wrong with prostitution. The state has no business telling people that they can’t charge money for this particular service. It should be legalized and the prostitutes (and the clients) should have the protection of contract law, not to mention the greater criminal protection that they would gain from being able to ply their trade legally. And of course their income would be taxable.
Whether she enjoyed it or not, this was work to her. She probably is glad that she has the price of a meal, or a week’s rent, or however much she earned. She’s not doing it because she wants sex, and to her as long as you were satisfied, didn’t beat her and paid her, she’s okay with it. You can decry the reason she was there, but the long and short of it is she had to be there, and at least you didn’t hurt her, which some customers probably do. If she didn’t have a problem with it, you shouldn’t. But get checked for STDs before you have another partner, just in case. You don’t want to give the gift that keeps on giving.
To her it was strictly business and she forgot about you right after she was paid. The fact that you are concerned about her welfare and have remorse for what you did shows you’re a pretty decent guy. It was just an episode in your life that you will learn from. It is just a private piece of information about yourself that you’ve “done it”, and most likely will not do it again. You also learned another lesson about alcohol and how such things can take control over you and get you into spots that are regrettable. Never give up control through alcohol or illecit drugs. You should not be beating yourself up too much. After all, you were good to her, did not hurt or mistreat her, and had a good time.
Yeah, sure it was if “completely tactless” means “funny” to you.
Most of these women were probably forced into prostitution, directly or indirectly, whether because they have to feed their children, debt, or just trying to survive. Their life already sucks enough already and the last thing they need is some offensive, extremely unfunny jokes about them. They probably don’t have much else, so let us at least try to leave them their dignity.
I think handy was right about that… I’m the type of person that can’t separate emotion from sex.
The general response seems to be “get over it,” so i guess that’s what i’ll do. Thanks to everyone that replied. Except Pump-Action Gerbil.
- but I wouldn’t get depressed about having done it. I read somewhere the majority of guys have done it at some stage.