{{{Harmless}}}}
And look! Your harem is official! I have a badge!!!
harmless, I’ll be praying for you. You’re an amazing, funny, wonderful person, and what’s happening sucks.
Also, I brought my zills if you’d like me to dance. WomanOfScorn and I can form your personal bellydance group. Where do I put my clothes?
Well, my wife’d kill me if I got nekkid, so I’ll just strip to the waist and fan you with one of those big honkin’ fans.
Not that a fan that honks is likely to be particularly relaxing, but it might make you laugh.
As another born-again single Doper, allow me to extend my condolences and sympathies. Also to get buff 'cos you asked.
I’m a manwhore, say it loud say it proud. 
Well, I am not part of harmless’ harem, but I am her sister so I think I can safely post in her thread without shedding any clothing. 
I just want you guys to know that as great a person as she comes off on these boards, she is 1000X as wonderful in real life and how her husband is treating her right now makes me want to pick up that crab fork and perforate him myself.
Honey, if he does come to his senses and starts treating you the way you should be treated, you may as well warn him that he is getting socks from me for every birthday and Christmas for the next ten years. Not new ones, either. You know how when you’re driving down the highway, every once in a while there’ll be an old, crusty, chewed up sock laying beside the road in the weeds? I’m going to start collecting them. And next time I see him, I am going to ask him one question: “Is Susie Derkins going to have to choke a bitch?”
I love you, sweety. Keep your chin up.
Just make sure it’s rusty first
Hi there! I’m truly sorry to hear of your situation. In your honor, I have composed a poem.
So here I am dancing and naked
While harmless sits 'round getting bak-ed
Please try not to mope
'Cos you’ve got The Straight Dope
To hug you for being forsak-ed!
Reporting as commanded, mistress!
shakes naked booty in the ancient style of offering condolences
Harmless, I can’t come join your harem, being previously indisposed (that means “old”), but I have dispatched a Stripper to you, forthwith. He’ll be dressed as either a cop, a priest, or a rabbi, but not for long.
And he’s bringing pie.
{{{{{{{{Harmless}}}}}}}}
Does he have a 1920’s style… never mind.
Harmless, I am not part of the harem either, but I wanted to send my best wishes to you! I love your posts (except for this one). You have been cruelly dumped on, But… things will get better!
May I tell a brief story? My wife’s first husband was bipolar, a schmuck, and began treating her like dirt soon after they were married. After three kids, he finally walked out, chucking the wedding ring deep into the woods behind the house. She was heartbroken, lost and alone with three small children. He expected her to beg him to come back. She didn’t. She changed the locks on the doors. Still alone and heartbroken, she rebuilt her life. After a year, she filed for divorce. Two years after that, she found me (and my cats). We are now enjoying the best years of our lives. The ex-hubby is still living with his parents.
1920’s Style Death Truncheon
1920’s Style Death Cross
1920’s Style Death ;j
harmless condolences to you and muchly good karma and vibes and the like, may i join your harem?
[prepares to tare of clothes and dance]
You’re going to figure out how much your clothes weigh without you in them?
I don’t know you that well, but I kinda feel like I do because I always enjoy your posts. Just wanted to say I’m sorry that you’re going through this, and invite myself into your harem. Do you accept straight chicks? If so, I’m ready to buff to make you laugh. Here’s a preview of what you’ll be getting …
Buff the wood, buff the wood, b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-buff the wood!
runs in wearing only a pair of sneakers, carrying extra-rusted crab fork
Mistress, we await your pleasure
wonders if he should have nixed the sneakers
You mean Yepmas? The person we wasted valuable bandwidth welcoming to this community? BAN THAT SCHMUCK!
42 posts saying hi, welcome, how ya doin’, including one of mine? I could have been downloading porn, or reading Ebert’s latest reviews, or clicking the little X in the upper-righthand-corner of a thousand little pop-up windows, but NoooOOOOoooooo! I had to write 43 words of welcome and select a freakin’ winkie smilie!!! I - is this the pit? No? Oh, sorry! Feel better soon, harmless! And if it’s any consolation, I would have suggested you simply eat his brain, but you probably need something a little heartier than a bite-size morsel.
Thanks for the words of love and support, everyone.
I really need it right now.
Thanks to him, you guys are just about the only friends I have.
I couldn’t ask for better. 
I still feel like a major :wally for letting him upset me this bad, especially when so much worse is happening in this world.
I know, as everyone says, I’ll make it through.
Sorry about that, Rufus Xavier.
Trust me, if I could find it, I’d send you his collection. :rolleyes:
One thing that keeps making me grin: TwoTrouts & a fishbicycle
Hey, you live in Florida!
Maybe Bear_Nenno and I can make an official Harem Goodwill Trip
As long as Beer_Nipples doesn’t bring his relatives, c’mon down! 
Now, it’s a given that I plan on getting wasted tonight.
(And if someone wants to get snarky about that, I do have one lily-white that needs kissing!)
My only question is “on what?”.
Right now the forerunners in my mind are buying a BIG bottle of Bailey’s ( :eek: ) or some beer.
Or gin with some grapefruit juice.
Or Kahlua. ( :eek: )