I’m in bed and sober. No drinks. Thanks, folks.
Glad to hear it, newcrasher! I really was a little concerned there. 
I wanted to comment on this a bit although you have already said that you didn’t drink (good choice, IMHO).
Can you think of a good reason that you should drink? Can you think of a reason to drink that will help you to your goal of being a better father and husband?
Don’t worry about control. The next time you feel like having a drink ask yourself what, exactly, is the benefit of having that drink. Compare that benefit with the possible negative problems that might arise due to your admitted bad decisions made while drinking.
If you are like me, the decision to drink was made because I *needed *a drink, not because I wanted one. The urge was there, always. When I didn’t drink I spent most of my time thinking about when I was going to drink next. Planning on how to get to the store or making sure I had enough booze at home. How to avoid situations where I couldn’t drink. Etc.
That was me. Except I took it to extremes. I don’t know if you did but it certainly sounds like you need to think long and hard before drinking again.
On a side note, if you have been drinking fairly heavily for a long time, it takes a good long time for your body to recover. The treatment center I went to (The Meadows, highly respected, etc) claimed that it took 9 months to a year for your body chemistry to get back to normal. I have heard this from other sources as well. My regular Doc and A.A. Of course, I was drinking heavily daily for a long time.
If you do decide to drink again, make it an experiment and try controlled drinking. See if you can have only one. See if you can drink only once a month. Set fairly strict limits on yourself before you start drinking. If you set strict limits and can abide by them, then you are probably o.k. If, on the other hand, you set limits and then blow right by them you probably have a problem.
The last thing is a question. When you thought about having a drink was it ‘Hey, a beer might be tasty right now’ or was it ‘Shit, I really need a drink. Now’. The answer to that question will tell you a lot about your drinking.
Slee
Awesome. Good job.
Bullshit, in my opinion. May be true of some, but certainly not of all.
It’s true of all alcoholics and newcrasher has already said himself that he can’t control his drinking when it starts.
I hope that I can find a way back to moderate drinking. But only because I like it so much…which means I will probably not be moderate. The one thing I know is that I am not ready to try yet.
I think “alcoholic” is an overused and imprecise term, and I think it silly - if not dangerous - to adopt a on-size-fits-all approach. Maybe he has an alcoholic gene, and will never be able to drink moderately. Maybe he has developed some very bad habits, or never learned how to exercise self control. But a lot of people are more comfortable drawing quick conclusions…
His own self-description fits the medical definition of alcoholism to a tee - especially the inability to control consumption. That is the essential symptom of the disease - the uncontrollable compulsion to keep using even in the face of negative consequences.
I wouldn’t want to judge anyone for personal decisions of this nature one way or another, but I just read about a B-list celebrity who checked into a 30-day rehab program (it may have been a 60-day stay) and he was telling everybody about how transforming it was for him and how much he had learned about himself. He then concluded his soul-baring confessional with “I realized that I sometimes act like a maniac when I start drinking, but now I know that I won’t be able to drink again for a really long time.”
It dosen’t sound to me like the most convincing statement that I have heard…
So yeah I dodged a bullet last weekend and didn’t drink. I have thought about having a beer a lot in the subsequent days. Actually a Knob Creek on the rocks sounds mighty good.
Alas…
Next big test is this weekend. Friday My work is taking us out to a really cool restaurant to celebrate 2010. EVERYONE is a big drinker in the group. Sarurday is dinner for a friend’s birthday at another restaurant. BIG DRINKERS GALORE!!! I have to start prepping myself now.
You’re doing great! When you face the challenges, ask yourself “Do I really want to take the risk for this??” and see what answer you come up with.
Every other Tuesday night I have an interfaith dialogue at my house. Its 12-15 people of all or no faith chatting about life.
There is this one pastor who comes. He was one of the first people I called and told about my struggle with alcohol and my desire to change.
He brought a bottle of wine to the discussion group. Fine. But when he left he left it open and half-full on my kitchen counter!!!:eek: I heard a glug glug glug as my wife poured it down the drain.
What was he thinking?? Glad your wife was on the job, though!
We had a situation this past summer at my sister’s house. She is in recovery, and at that point had about nine months of sobriety. There’s always been a lot of drinking at functions at her house, and she doesn’t mind, even now, if people bring beer or wine coolers, but she has requested that no one bring any hard liquor.
So, Labor Day, we were having the celebration at her house. My middle daughter (19YO) and her then-boyfriend went down with us. I stopped at the liquor store to buy some beer, and the bf picked up a miniature of mango flavored vodka. I didn’t say anything. I figured he was going to take it back to the hotel with us that night, and enjoy it there. When we got out of the van, he brought the vodka out with him. I thought “OK, he’s going to down the whole thing right now; no big deal, it’s only a miniature”. Well, I was busy getting mudgirl and our other stuff out, and didn’t notice that he actually took it in the house with him. Later, he stripped down to his shorts to go swimming, and the bottle, which had been in the pocket of his jeans, fell out. Fortunately, my sister’s partner was on the job (lets hear it for devoted wives!), and found it and threw it away. There was much whinging on bf’s part. Even though he had expressly been told do not bring hard liquor to this house, he seemed to think that sis’s partner should have tracked him down and given it back to him! Uh, no.
Boy, I was glad when he and my daughter broke up. What a douchebag.
Just a thought on this. It was thoughtless of the pastor to leave the bottle. At the same time it is *your *responsibility to make sure that you are in situations that you are comfortable with and will not lead you to drink.
When I first quit I didn’t and couldn’t be around booze. After I got some time I realized that it doesn’t bother me. When it did bother me I either asked my friends and family to not bring booze or I removed myself from the situation. It was kind of hard at first. It seemed like I was asking others to sacrifice on my behalf. Then I thought about it and realized that my family and true friends would understand and that my health was more important.
These days being around booze doesn’t bother me at all. I still reserve the right to leave if I am in a situation and it becomes uncomfortable. It hasn’t happened in a long time but I keep that option open.
Slee
When my Dad first quit, he couldn’t bear to be around it, either. As the years passed, his discomfort passed, as well.
Here’s a related anecdote I think I’ve told here before: Know, first, that my Dad got sober when I was 14; when I was 26, my Mom was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and congestive heart failure. My hubby and I lived with them at the time, as I was my Mom’s primary care provider.
I have a sister who kept saying “When Mom dies, Daddy’s going to start drinking again”. I kept saying, “No way! Too many times I’ve heard him say ‘Nothing is so bad that a drink won’t make it worse’ and ‘My worst day sober is better than my best day drunk’.”
When Mom died, she was home. I was holding her hand. Dad was in the kitchen. After she died, he called me into the kitchen; he nodded toward the microwave cart, because the bottom shelf of that is where hubby and I usually kept a bottle of whiskey or some such. He said “Is that all the whiskey you have, pal?” For a moment, I thought, OMG, my sister was right! But hey, he’s a grown man, in charge of his own sobriety. It’s not my place to keep him sober. So I said “Yeah, Daddy, it is”. He pulled out his wallet, pulled out a $20.00 bill and said “You’d better sent [hubby] down to the store; there’s some people coming who may need a drink”.
He was still sober when he died 15 years later.
Thank you for sharing that story.
This. If people are so selfish that them drinking is more important that your health and the impact your drinking has on your family - those are people whose relationship with you you should question. This “intense recovery” period is likely to be relatively short (maybe a year, maybe less - maybe forever - but my understanding is that its about a year).
norinew - that is a great story.
So… I went out with some friends from work to celebrate. Had a glass of wine and a beer. Then we went to a nearby bar where I got another beer. Then I walked home. Felt slightly headachy the next morning but I don’t think it was the booze.
Then last night some friends and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings to pick up some food. I ha 2 23oz beers while we waited.
Tonight - Superbowl Party at my house. Not going to drink.
You can do it – you know you can. Don’t worry about your lapses – everyone has them. Just concentrate on today.