The legal definition of “assault” is any unwanted touching. You were assaulted. If it happens again, say in as loud a voice as possible “What the fuck are you doing?”
I do not tolerate such behavior ever.
Welcome to The Dope, Delpine!
I have to admit that this thread really got me down yesterday. So I hope you don’t mind me sharing my story in your thread.
On Sunday, I was in the church lobby with a bunch of people that I knew from a group I attended. (It’s a Christian church, but I’m not a Christian. I just go to church and hang out with them.) And a guy from that group comes over. So I put out my hand for him to shake it, but he pulls me to him and gives me a big hug. Then he grabs my hand and starts rubbing it in a really suggestive way. I was creeped out. I didn’t know what to do, so I pull my hand away and turn my back on this guy and started talking to someone else. But the kicker was that this guy’s wife probably saw the whole thing because she comes over and starts talking to the person I’m talking with and completely ignores me. . . like I was the one that caused the problem.
It was a really alienating experience. And it was not as invasive as yours, but the whole covert way that it happened and the feeling that other people are blaming me for something that wasn’t my fault was really hurtful. And I’m still left with this feeling that I’m making a big deal out of nothing. . . or even making it up and not reading the emotional signs correctly.
But even worse than that was that the same type of thing happened to me again that same night with another Christian group member. So now I’m wondering if it’s just me.
The emotions I felt yesterday were just a jumble, so I think I know some of what you’re feeling. I hope your story has a good resolution.
Faugh.
He’s an asshole.
I agree that it’s time for you to discover the joy of having an active and healthy horrified sense of violation. If some joker touches you without your permission (excluding situations where there’s just no avoiding it, like crowded elevators and trains and the like), speak up immediately and in the most horrified tone you can manage with a straight face!
Your former profession has not a damn thing to do with whether or not random perverts at AA meetings are allowed to grope you. I feel quite confident of two things.
First, you are not the first woman he’s felt up (no matter how covertly he did it) at a meeting.
Second, the facilitators (and almost certainly the other participants) will take an *extremely dim view * of his behavior. If they don’t, find a new group!
My personal vote is, the next time you see him at a meeting, make it a point to stand up, point at him, and say “You know, on my very first meeting here, that individual touched me inappropriately.” Hell, if you don’t see him on your next meeting night, I’d speak to the facilitator and tell him (or her) what you’ve told us - with the added information that the person who did it was there that night but missing tonight.
Of all places? 
My experiences is that you are more likely to find jerks who like to prey on women there. There are always the jerks who go for the newcomer women, always. Of course, we’re dealing with a stealth perv jerk here.
Can you find another meeting? You might call AA and see if they can direct you to a women’s meeting.
If not, do speak to the secretary. You shouldn’t have to put up with any shenanigans.
Hi again! Thanks for all the kind welcomes, you guys seem like a fairly decent bunch. 
Your concern made me feel a lot less ambivalent about all this, so it was very helpful. And just so there’s no misunderstanding, I didn’t mean to suggest that me being a working girl in any way meant that I had this coming or was unworthy of respect for my personal space. I knew better than that even in the midst of my addiction, let alone now that I’m somewhat removed from it. I simply meant it was unlikely I was as disturbed by the actual physical contact with a stranger as, say, someone’s virginal Aunt Madgie might be.
Anyway, I’m going to another meeting there tonight so I’ll check back in later to let you all know how it went if anyone’s interested. Thanks to all, again!
Definitely keep us posted. Guys like that need to have their chains jerked up smartly, they give the rest of us a bad image.
Of the meetings that I regularly attend most people have been around a long, long time and would notice something like this. Had you told me - and I have chaired myfair share of meetings - I’d have kicked the man out and told him to find a different meeting. I’d have not thought twice about it either. His behaviour is wrong and won’t be tolerated. Prick.
Yep a creep, no doubt. Like Velvet Jones says , arm yourself.
With a fucking big darning needle
Yes, you were molested. Yes, he was deliberately making it seem accidental. Yes, he’s counting on you not to say anything.
Speaking as a man, I might accidentally brush a breast once. But there’s no way it’s an accident the second time. You’re moving away (even just a few inches) is a clear no. The fact that he continued, shows he doesn’t care that you said no. Say something to the group, or at least the other women in the group.
Creepy guy aside, I really hope you can pull yourself together and beat the substance abuse and all.
The guy is a creepaholic.
Almost the exact same scenario played out with me one evening on the Metro. Like you, I was half-convinced that I was just imagining things. That is until the guy plopped his hand on my thigh and started squeezing on it. It was only then that I found my voice to say quit it. And then he ran off like the creepy coward that he was.
I think you should tell someone. Even if it’s just a big burly guy who is spoiling for the chance to scare the shit out of someone. His creepiness may be keeping other women from getting the support they need, so any steps to get him to go away or at least quit the fondling business will be to the greater good.
Well, I just got back and creepy guy was not at tonight’s meeting from what I could tell. Monday’s was a noon, and today I was there in the evening so maybe he’ll pop back up next noon one I go to. I spoke with the group leader afterward though and just let him know what had happened and he was, as many of you predicted, very apologetic and upset on my behalf. He didn’t know who I was talking about–this is a pretty big meeting, around 40-50 people–but he said that he’d be sure to ask the established members to keep a closer eye on the back and edges of the room for this kind of thing. He was very nice, and asked me to promise to point the guy out to him if I should recognize him at some future meet. I don’t know why, but I was a bit nervous about bringing it up but I’m glad I did now.
Thanks! I hope so too. I don’t want to get complacent or jinx anything but I really feel like I’m doing well so far this time. I’m content. Things are good.
Oh, yes – full body contact fellowship. Sharing the love of Christ can be a great cover for copping a feel, both up and down. Kind of a “we are all brothers and sisters in Christ” and there’s nothing icky about grabbing my sister. Right? RIGHT?!
It’s another one of those situations daring you (the generalized female you) to speak up…but not really. I live in the land late of (at least one) meth abusing closeted gay powerful Republican born-again pastor, so the idea of a married Christian man grabbing a woman in a creepy way is a little foreign to me, but, you know, different passive aggressive power trips to different folks.
Hint: Those little golf pencils they keep in the pews to fill out pledge envelopes can be deployed for effective defense. Palm one on the way out of the service and, voila, you are armed to stab at 'nads as soon as you are involuntarily enfolded in the Godly embrace of rapturous sharing. Or, you could use the thing that scares them most: words.
Tabby
Thanks, Tabby, that was hilarious!
On the serious side, I do wish you luck Delphine- it’s simple but not always easy. Feel free to drop me an email anytime… Heck, if you’re in SoCal, I’ll take you to a couple of great meetings!
Debbie J.
16 years and counting
Good for you for speaking up. I’m glad the leader was so receptive and concerned. That should make you feel more comfortable already just knowing people will be watching out for you.
You don’t need that kind of BS stress on top of being pregnant.
Tabby, thanks! You made my day!
I guess I’m going to have to use some of my tongue-fu assertiveness skills.
Delphine, I’m glad to hear that you used yours to good advantage. Thanks for letting me vent in your thread.
Nah, I want to see a big Movie like scene.
As Delphine is talking, the arm slowly moves against her. Without a break in her speech or the slightest hesitation or acknowledgement of the offender…
She pulls out a very large switchblade, grabs the arm (without taking her eyes off the people she’s talking to) and stabs it through his hand, pinning it to the table.
And then proceeds to finish what she was saying as if nothing has happened.
Only afterward does she glance at the offender and casually offer him a tissue.
I think that’s called losing the moral high ground.