I think it's over.....

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My boyfriend and I have been going through a bit of a rough patch lately. We have been arguing a lot and our sex life is virtually nil. However, we are in love so we wanted to try and make it work, as our relationship still has it’s good points.

Last night, I went out to the bar with my best friend and my boyfriend hung out at our place while we were gone. He bought a six pack and watched videos and stuff. Well, my friend and I got home at about 2 am, and he seemed fine, sitting on the sfoa watching tv. He spoke nicely and smiled at us and made the same old jokes as he always does. Nothing seemed wrong.

I was pretty drunk so I went and had a shower before going to bed. About ten minutes after I laid down, he came in and laid down next to me. However, even though he always sleeps in his boxers and a t shirt, he left all his clothes on, and curled up so far away from me on the edge of the bed he was in danger of falling off. He also wouldn’t cuddle under the blanket. I rolled over and spooned him, and he shrugged me off. I just assumed then he was angry that I was drunk, so I rolled over and went to sleep, figuring it would be better to talk about it when I was sober the next morning.

Well, the next morning was even worse. When I awoke, he was awake, still curled up over the edge of the bed. I took his arm and said, “Hey, come over here for a cuddle,” and he shrugged me off again. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing, but then he looked at me. I was stunned by that look in his eyes. It was so cold. He growled angrily that nothing was wrong and that he just didn’'t feel like cuddling. I left it alone.

Well, he hung out all morning at our place and didn’t say boo to me until he left. He just came to the doorway and said “bye.” I wanted to plead with him to tell me what was wrong, but I decided to just leave it, figuring he’d tell me when he was ready. That was hours ago, and he hasn’t called me or emailed me, even to tell me he wants it over, which is what I suspect.

Well now, I’m nursing a huge hangover and a broken heart. I hate being kept in the dark and I just want to know what I did wrong. I don’t want to call him because I want to give him his space, but I want him to know that I love him and I want to know what I did wrong. I hate seeing him hurt or upset.

What do I do?

2

It’s sad, but I’m not sure there’s really anything you CAN do. If he wants to tell you, he will. But if you try to pull it out of him, he may end up resenting you.

3

He will talk when he wants to talk. I htink you are correct in not calling him. Harping him will only aggrivate him.

I kno it FEELS like it… but there is no rush here. For now … you don’t know what’s up, so try not to let your thoughts go wild and beat yoruself up about it.

Sit tight… drink lots of fluids to rehydrate yourself from your hangover. Meanwhile, let him sort his thoughts and feelings out.

4

Yeah, I hear what you’re saying, but it’s so hard. I feel like a mushroom, being kept in the dark and fed crap.

We’ve been together for almost two years, and I just think that if he wants it over or if I have done something wrong he should have the decency to let me know, not just clam up and keep me in the dark.

This hurts like hell. I never thought that it would hurt this much.

5

You think he would have the decency to tell you if you did something wrong… BUT… i’m sure he thought you woulda had the decency NOT to do whatever you did.

Just saying… it goes both ways.

it hurts now. i hear ya. just know that feeling emotional pain isn’t dangerous or BAD. feelings are harmless. they are ultimately just energy running a curse through you body. WHAT you do with this energy is what can cause trouble.

don’t assume too much … you don’t know what the prob is… or if there is even a prob.

and if the time comes… FEEL the pain. after all, it’s a symbol of how much you care for him. and it’s an amazing blessing to be able to feel SO deeply for another human being.

know that the pain won’t stay. like everything in life… it will run it’s course.

6

curse = course
you = your

7

Ring him up and ask him what his silly mindgames are about. Life’s too short to play silly mindgames like refusing to cuddle, refusing to communicate and refusing to be straight with your SO.

Has he done this before? Is it a pattern? If it is, it’s a hurtful pattern and that sucks. It’s one thing to say I am upset about something and No, I am not yet ready to discuss it and another thing to withdraw without being open. I don’t give a toss that ‘harping may aggravate’ my partner. If he’s pulling that stunt of oh I am just going to clam up and be over in my sulky angst, well, sorry but that won’t fly. Sulking ain’t romantic or impressive, it’s just damned silly compared to sorting problems out.

Of course, you are running the risk that what he might say is not what you want to hear. Or that he doesn’t want to talk or to try to resolve issues.

I hope it works out. Take care.