I'm in love with a fucking Gremlin

My boyfriend is cute, very kind and sweet to others, intellegent, and funny. There is only one thing that gets to me.

Every time something goes wrong in his life, (he loses his mobile phone, he smashes a glass, one of his balls fall off) he makes it into a huge fucking deal. He sits there with this look on his face, and everybody would know that look. You know, the lips pursed, the eyes all squinty, fists clenched. And if I ask him what’s wrong, he grunts at me! Like a pig.

MM: “Honey, what’s up?”

BF: “ARRGH.”

MM: “What?”

BF: “None of your fucking buisness.”

And that mountain turns into a fucking planet if I try to gently probe him. He expects me to read his damn mind. Why is that? Then if I have a problem with his attitude, he starts off on his, “Oh I’m under a lot of stress, my mobile phone’s lost/i broke my radio/ dick fell off. You’re such an insensitive person.”

Jesus H Christ I just can’t win!!

Now I hear myself as I speak to him and I sound like a nagging bitch! My voice even pisses me off, (it could bend steel).

I want this relationship to work as I do love him. I just think we need to learn how to handle conflict without the use of grunts and firearms. I don’t wanna nag anymore!!!

When I was in a similar situation (girlfriend expected me to read her mind), I would ask what was wrong if she seemed out of sorts. After a few months of me bugging her and taking forever to actually find out the problem, I came up with a novel solution, which worked in our case.

If they say “Nothing is wrong”, just say “Great” and act like everything is fine. You would think this reverse psychology would only work on 8 year olds, but it seems to have a much greater range than that. :slight_smile:

If it’s the last one, I think you should cut him a little slack!:eek:

Seriously though, I am also one of those who goes incommunicado when stressed. Fortunately this doesn’t happen very often (if I were any more laid back I’d be a boneless puddle of flesh on the floor), but on those rare occasions when I am severely stressed, I want to be left alone to work it out! Attempts by others to probe only piss me off; a little at first, but a LOT if they keep prying… it’s simply my way of coping with severe stress. Your boyfriend sounds a lot like me.

Maybe you should just leave him alone when he signals that he wants to be left alone. When he wants to talk about it, he’ll let you know…

I seriously hope that’s an exaggeration. Any man who said that to me would be on the receiving end of a swift kick to the nards.

Zette

How 'bout this? When he gets that look on his face, leave him alone. Thank your lucky stars that he at least has a particular look to warn you of the mood swing (unlike Mrs. H).

Haj

or in this case nard

My first thought on reading the subject was “Please let this be about an AMC.”

Stop feeding him after midnight and it should clear up.

Damn you, Telemark and hazel-rah , you took my AMC and"Gremlins" jokes!

I’ll shut up now.

Telemark:

So did I.

I miss them. [snif]

http://home.earthlink.net/~dmodlin/mt1.jpg

Nice to know I wasn’t the only one thinking that! Man, what I wouldn’t do to be able to own a Pacer! (Or Gremlin, for that matter.)

If you were a man who wrote …

“I seriously hope that’s an exaggeration. Any woman who said that to me would be on the receiving end of a fist across her piehole.”

… you’d probably be flamed to a crisp. if not banned from the SDMB.

You must be one of those women who hisses the moment a man makes a quick move towards his wife or girlfriend on a typical daytime talk show, but cheers when she’s allowed to slap and punch him unrestrained. Lovely.

It’s nice to see that even boys without a modicum of maturity can still have relationships in which they spew their nastiness on their partners. :frowning:

When he gets pouty, leave him the fuck alone. If he wants to tell you what’s wrong, let him decide to do that on his own. Don’t try to force an answer out of him. That way he a) gets to stew in his own juices, and b) doesn’t get a chance to take his pissiness out on you.

Just say, “I’m sorry you’re in a bad mood, honey. If you want to talk about it, you know where to find me” and then go into another room.

I agree with Geobabe. Let it be up to him to come to you when he wants to talk. If he wants to sulk, let him.

My take on this kind of behavior, FWIW:
My Ex was like this, and I let it drive me nuts. He’d be pouty and I’d practically BEG him to tell me what was the matter. The more I beseeched him, the more stubborn and sulky he’d get. Eventually I figured out that this was his way of getting attention, and not a very healthy one at that.
I finally did what Geobabe advised, and just basically said, “I will not beg you to let me make you feel better. If you want my help, you come find me and I’ll try. I’m not going to kill myself trying to force you to feel better.”

I think its a maturity thing, and only he can do anything to help himself. Don’t let it get you down. IANAPsychologist, but from my experience, keeping this habit going isn’t good for either of you. I know it wasn’t for us.
Hope that helps.

Didn’t you read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”? Homeboy is in his cave, don’t fuck with him while he’s in there, don’t throw rocks at the entrance, don’t place food at the entrance either, just stay the fuck away. In all seriousness, just leave him alone until he feel better.

I agree with the “leave him alone” thing, if he’s been nasty, he will be contrite and ASK for help, which helps the relationship.

BTW, elmwood, very interesting observation.

Yes, you’re absolutely correct.
:rolleyes:

Hm. I am usually a shy petite demure little flower, but when I, for example, mash my finger, stub my toe, or have my computer lock up on me, I have a tendency to (occasionally) let out an extremely loud invective that ought to be accompanied by a fountain of brimstone of some sort.

I have yet to convince my roommates that, believe it or not, “MotherFUCKER!” does not mean “Help.” “Help” means “Help.” If all I’ve done is curse, I can do it on my own.

I especially do not need you to inquire after me. If I curse like that, it means I am tense, which will not be helped by having to break my concentration by explaining to you what I’m tense about.

Translation: unless I ask for help, do not ask after me if I curse. Thank you.

Yup… just leave him alone when he gets that way. I’m like that. If I’m in a tiff, just leave me alone… or say you love me and go away. When I get over it internally, then I’m all about making amends for being pissy towards anyone.

BTW- Zette, I’m gonna try to not be a dick about it like elmwood was, but that comment did kinda irk me. There’s a difference between telling someone to fuck off and straight up physical violence. I’m just gonna assume you were being facetious and leave it at that, unless you say otherwise. In which case… maybe you oughta re-think your position there.