One good thing is that after a couple reports from her, they will ignore further reports.
I would limit any children contact to having you present. In the future tell her your leaving when she starts to go ape shit, and then leave.
This is the bottom line, miss elizabeth, what I snipped out above.
Your mother was and continues to be abusive to you. And yet you allow her to have unsupervised contact with your children. You can bet money she’s doing the same things to them. STOP IT. No more unsupervised visits, period. Maybe not again ever, considering what she’s doing to you right now.
Look, she’s not going to change. She’s not going to get better. She’s not going to stop doing those things and she’s not going to not do them to your kids. She’s violent both physically and emotionally and you desperately need to pull the plug on this relationship, despite her being your mother, for your own sake as well as the sake of your children, your ex-husband and everyone else who will be drawn into the whirlpool of abuse and drama.
Bump, hoping for an update.
Not to mention, she sounds bi-polar and in need of medication.
Yeah, I’d totally cut her out.
[QUOTE=samclem]
My ex and I have a similar arrangement(for the last 9 years) to what you describe. We live a block from each other, have regular days where the kids are with one of us, have shared responsibilities/costs/etc. We’re both good parents, both of us get along. We’re perhaps fortunate to have loving grandparents on both sides.
I’m curious that you said(implied) you don’t have a child support order, if I read that correctly. How could you not? In Ohio, it’s pro-forma.
Sorry, I think I might have double posted. This thread thrills me to no end because I have had the same sort of relationship with my ex for almost 10 years and most people think I am nuts.
I also live in Ohio, but did not want a child support order because when both parents are willing to support their kids, I think it is ridiculous to court order one parent as if they can’t be trusted to do their part.
The way to get around it is to have joint custody (I have physical custody for purposes of where she attends school) Our paperwork shows her with each of us half the time. We do not follow any schedule, though. She is with him more in the summer and less when school starts. We do whatever works and in all this time we’ve never had a problem. She does not hear any discussion about money other than the ones that affect her, like what will be a fair allowance for her this coming year. (Of which we will each pay half)
It’s funny, but her parents get along better than most of her friends parents, married or not, and she is a very happy well adjusted kid.
I know a CPS investigator and know they often get bogus reports that they have to investigate but quickly see through. Maybe 1/3 of the reports they get are groundless snipes from ex’s, feuding neighbors, or other troublemakers. If I were in your shoes, I’d welcome them in and tell them as much as they were interested in listening through and help them in every other way they wished. And I’d anticipate that the whole thing would end there.
Oh, and of course there is no reason in the world you are under any obligation to ever talk to Mom again. Nobody is entitled to you regardless of their behavior.
I hate to have to spring this on the late posters in this thread. miss elizabeth is showing as a guest. It looks like her membership has lapsed.
That’s a shame; she’s coherent, grammatically sound, and interesting. Guests of that caliber are rare.
She had posts from July 2005, so she is a lapsed member
Well, gee, it’s nice to be missed! Let your membership lapse a few days (hey, I got busy!) and people get all over your case!
Well, no one ever came. I don’t know if she calmed down (or wised up) and decided not to call, or if she called and they dismissed her complaint, or if she’s waiting to call for some reason. I still haven’t talked to my mom, and she’s made no effort to contact me. I feel really bad about it actually; my daughter has asked a couple times when she is going over there again. I really don’t know what to do. I’m personally happy to have her gone; it’s like a weight has lifted off of me, but I feel bad about the kids missing their grandma. But I cringe when I think about calling her; I know she’ll take it as evidence that she “won” (at least partly) and I can’t stand the thought of that. Which is juvenile, I know. But I also feel like I have legitimate concerns about her being around them. I don’t know. It’s hard for me to separate my anger and my guilt and my reasonable worries.
I think about it a lot though. As much as I’m glad to not have to listen to her put me down every day, I know this isn’t really “over”. I really hate any kind of conflict, and it’s hard on me having this unresolved. I don’t know what to do.
Does anyone have any suggestions? 
Supervised visits only? Family therapy? A hit man? (j/k)
Which raises the question, does she do this to you in front of your children? That alone would be grounds for cutting her out of your life, as far as I’m concerned.
The only ones I have are just too hard to bear. I am very sorry, and this is just one man’s opinion, from a somewhat similar situation.
Sometimes, love can be Poison Love, like in the country songs, but in real life it is no song, and surely no joke.
To me, your instincts ring true. I can not truly know all the “stuff” involved, but FWIW, I think you are already trying to resolve yourself to the probable necessity of cutting her off from this.
Every child deserves to be brought up free of adult stuff. It is not always possible, but I think one should do as best as one can to insulate them from this. I can only offer best wishes to you, and hopes for a most happy resolution.
My email is in my profile, feel free anytime, and my wife also has access to same. You don’t have to ‘talk’ to me…she can segue you to her own email…but you can find an awful lot of support here, as I did for other things.
Important thing is, when you need to reach out, reach out, OK?
Enjoy the peace and let go of the guilt. Your mother created this situation, you are merely protecting the children from someone who threatened to rip apart your family.
As far as the kids go, it depends on how old they are. You can tell them Grandma’s in a time out, or Grandma needs some quiet time to think, or Grandma said somethings that hurt you and you need a break. If they’re a little older, you can get into more detail.
Thanks for the update…I was concerned.
I guess saying grandma’s a mean old bitch is out.