21 and 19.
Maybe he had an attack of good sense and realized he’s way too young to marry. Bearing in mind that there are 19 year olds and then there are 19 year olds. The kind that need their mommy to tell them to get a haircut, are way too young to marry.
One - You’re the dad, and you suspected that he was going to ask your daughter to marry him, and he hadn’t spoken to you about it? Come on, I realize that it may be considered a bit old fashioned, but that’s what any upstanding young man should do. I was 38 and my wife was 32 when we got engaged, and I still asked her dad for his blessing before popping the question.
Two - 21 and 19 are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy to young to be getting married. I personally would not be sad or disheartened if my daughter’s boyfriend did not pop the question at that age. Count your blessings.
I agree. I understand the “asking for her hand” tradition intellectually, but don’t cotton to it myself.
My parents-in-law are from Oklahoma, and are all about the asking for her hand thing. Their son grew up in Wisconsin, and isn’t - he asked me directly, then we told the parents together. When my new BIL wanted to marry SpouseO’s sister, he did have the talk with my FIL, and my parents-in-law just thought it was so wonderful and thoughtful. Which is good for them, I really do mean that. It’s just not for me. I did mention to them that if SpouseO had asked my father, Dad’s response would have been, “I dunno, why don’t you ask her?”
Agree with all of this.
It’s really bizarre to me how pumped these parents are for these kids to get married. Is the boy’s last name Rockefeller or something? A religion that is big on young marriage (LDS)?
Seriously, I would be frothing furious if an “upstanding young man” asked my father for my hand in marriage.
I’m not a chick but I agree with your sentiment. It’s such obvious bullshit. Why the fuck does the father have a say at all in whether his daughter gets married? What if the father refuses to give his daughter’s hand? Would you just get married anyway? If so, what’s the point of asking? Just as some sort of ritual to show that you recognize his ownership of his daughter? Just imagining a chick asking a man’s father (or mother?) for permission to propose makes me laugh. What a joke this all is (this tradition I mean - if the OP’s kid gets married, mazel tov, good things).
So a little young, but hey why not. But whose idea is it to get hitched? The teenagers or their parents?
It’s called “respsect”. Sorry you guys don’t get it. It has nothing to do with ownership. If the daughter doesn’t really have much respect for her own parents, there obviously is no point of the suitor reaching out to her father or mother seeking a blessing. But too many people forget that when you marry someone, you are also marrying their family…their parents, siblings, etc. It doesn’t hurt to start that relationship off on the right foot.
But to each his own.
If it’s about respect, why can’t they both let the parents know/ask for blessing after the proposal? Actually if I were a guy I’d be way too afraid of jinxing it by asking the parents first. Way better to go to them after you know for sure and all the anxiety of asking is gone.
Why isn’t the mother deserving of this respect? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Yet it only goes one way. Is there any tradition of a guy asking his parents for their blessing before asking a girl to marry him? Or of a girl asking his parents before she answers? Do they traditionally ask either mother for their view?
So ‘respect’ is only relevant between the men. Right.
Did your wife ask your mom for her blessing before y’all agreed to get married? Did you ask her mom? Did she ask your dad?
Because if the only way this street goes is that the boy asks dad, then it’s not called “respect,” it’s called “patriarchy.” As wince-inducing as that word is, this is one of the few occasions where it’s strictly appropriate.
If you ask a girl to marry you and you don’t already know what the answer is going to be, then you shouldn’t be asking.
Any man who asked my dad before marrying me would be instantly crossed off the list. I’d be frothing furious, too.
Does it help to know that my dad would have no respect for the man? And respect only goes between men, no one says I should talk to his mom before I, say, ask him to marry me.
The times, they be a-changin’. Better for both to go to the parents and tell them together.
Way too much political correctness for me. There’s something to be said for tradition. And hell yeah, it’s patriachical, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Most good parents talk to each other about who their daughter’s are dating and whether they have reservations about the guy. If a dad doesn’t know what mom thinks of daughter’s boyfriend, then shame on him. He should be in a position to represent both parent’s POV. And any dude that doesn’t talk to his own parents about popping the question on his girlfriend, doesn’t have a real good relationship with his own parents and his girlfriend probably doesn’t either.
Oh, bullshit. My wife answered my first proposal in the negative–but only because she was super-stressed about her schooling and didn’t want to think about marriage right then. It caught me by surprise.
But I waited six months, and then she proposed to ME (without asking for my mother’s blessing first). That was 8 years ago, after a 4-year relationship, and our daughter is sleeping upstairs. Your rule is all bluster and no sense.
My husband spoke to both my parents before asking me to marry him. It was just something he thought he should do. I don’t think he really asked for permission, but just support and encouragement, though I don’t know for sure what was said. When I found out he’d done this, I asked him what he would have done had my parents said “No”? His answer? “Marry you anyways…oh…yeah, I guess it’s kind of a silly thing to do, isn’t it?”
In our case, we’d been together for years and we already had a relationship with each other’s parents, so it’s not a matter of “starting off on the right foot”.
There’s no rule. But you got turned down…enough said.
If you already know she’s going to say yes, what’s the point in even asking?
But not everyone buys into that. Not everyone likes the idea of the dad being the one representing both parents’ point of view. There are some crazy ass relationships where the wife may have her own viewpoint and may want to express it on her own. And some relationships where maybe the wife speaks for the husband and herself.
Your argument seems less about respect – if it were, both the man and woman could decide to get married and then ask each set of parents for their blessing – and more about doing it because it’s a convention that you particularly like.