I Think My Daughter is Spoiled

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Even though I work hard not to spoil my 4 year old daughter, she is a real piece of work and friends, family, and strangers spoil the daylights out her. I have had to nod and smile at lots of things that other people came up with for her. About 18 months ago, she heard a story about a pony and, like all little girls, remarked that she wanted one. That statement was overheard by my MIL who happens to have a large weekend farm in New Hampshire. The next day, my MIL went out and bought my daughter a real, live pony.

The pony’s name was Chrissy and she was a pretty, sweet Shetland Pony. My daughter loved to ride her when we spent the weekend at the farm. However, Chrissy turned out to be much, much older than advertised and she came down with a sudden illness last week. The vet estimated that she was in her 30’s and simply got very sick from age related factors. My wife and I knew about this for a couple of days and decided not to tell our daughter. My daughter has experienced way more death, illness, and destruction in her lifetime than any child should including the death of her baby sister and she has terror flashes pretty frequently about terrible things that have happened.

Yesterday, MIL came over and broke the news to my wife and daughter that Chrissy had to be put down. Before my daughter could start crying, my MIL said “But the good news is I have a surprise for you. You have a brand-new pony that is younger, bigger, and healthier!” My MIL had gone pony shopping the second that she knew what was going to happen and did some expedited delivery to get it to the farm right away. My daughter was thrilled and actually left both me and my wife for the first time to go up and see her new pony and ride it all weekend. I saw a picture of and it is bigger than a Shetland with bay coloring but I don’t know the name or the exact type.

There isn’t really a moral to this story. It is just about how life can mix the good and the bad together in weird ways.

2

On her deathbed, my great-aunt declared that there is nothing wrong with being spoiled.

3

That’s what Grandparents are for, duh! More power to her.

4

Eh, I think it’s a sweet story. And it presents no evidence that your daughter is spoiled. Spoiled children demand things, time and energy they haven’t earned, and feel entitled to them. I don’t see anywhere where you mention she demanded a pony, or acted out because she didn’t have one. She didn’t even ask for the second one. Even if she had cried, that’d be a normal reaction to the death of a pony - if anything at all, I’d be a little concerned that your MIL didn’t give her time to grieve before distracting her with the news of the new pony - but really, how terrible is it for a 4 year old to be distracted? Not terrible at all. She’ll have plenty of opportunities to learn grief.

People can be spoiled and own nothing but the clothes on their back, and wonderful charming people with possessions coming out their ears. And vice-versa, of course. But it seems that your daughter, while a lucky, lucky girl in her choice of grandmas, isn’t spoiled - yet! :smiley:

(But I would make her muck out the pony’s stall and wipe down the tack at least whenever she visits, so she knows how much work a pony is. She won’t be great at it yet, but she should learn.)

5

Am I the only one who would be upset if I were the parent and this was happening to my child?

Although I’m sure the MIL means well, I’d be furious if it were my MIL who went out and bought my child not one, but TWO ponies at the slightest hint that the child wanted one (or wanted a ‘replacement’).

If the MIL felt it was absolutely necessary to get a pony so the child could ride it, it’d be my preference that it be clear to everyone (child included) that it was MIL’s pony, but the child would be more than welcome to come over at any time and ride it - as opposed to ‘I heard you wanted a pony, so I bought one for you!’.

IMHO, grandparents are for spoiling of the type where they have candy, spare change, etc - little things to spoil kids with. Not ponies and live animals that require a commitment of years to keep and maintain. I think that stuff is better left in the realm of parents, rather then grandparents.

Maybe I’m way off base.

6

You aren’t off base and I try to shield my daughter from it in simple ways but you have to know the situation. Her grandparents are very, very wealthy and the farm where the pony is has 300 acres and a full-time staff that is experienced with horses. Other people will ride it and take care of it and we have other horses to keep it company. Basically they added another horse to the stable and named it as hers. She doesn’t have to do much except love it and ride it in the pastures if she wants. It is pretty much an ideal situation for all involved for a girl that wants a pony.

7

If I felt as you do and explained it to my MIL and she did it anyway, I’d be furious, of course.

But it struck me as something that was well within Grandma’s means, and didn’t unduly affect her lifestyle to provide, and she got great joy out of doing so. Could I afford to buy and stable a pony for my (hypothetical) grandkids? No. Could I buy them a book or a toy or a pack of gum they wanted and didn’t nag for? Sure, and when I have 'em, I will. I had toys that were “mine” that stayed at Grandma’s house. I even had pets that stayed at Grandma’s, but they were of the small furry caged variety. Still, I think that a matter of degree, not philosophically different.

If it’s within her means, I think it’s entirely up to her. Although, as I said before, I do think the child should learn the unpleasant aspects of pony ownership, as well as enjoy her grandmother’s generousity with thanks and respect.

She’s very very lucky, and I hope she grows up grateful to her grandmother, but I don’t think she’s destined to be damaged by it.

8

I was a spoiled child. I lived with my grandparents who were financially comfortable who gave me whatever I wanted. However, they also taught me to apprciate it and a strong work ethic.

There’s a huge difference between a child who’s “spoiled” and a"spoiled brat." As long as you and your wife are teaching her good values, she should be just fine.

9

If she’s only slightly spoiled I wouldn’t throw her out. You can’t use her in a salad, but she might still be edible in a stir-fry or omlet.

10

I would consider myself to be pretty spoiled when compared to some other people.

As a kid, I got most of what I wanted (within reason, nothing really expensive but I had most of the toys I really wanted, I had a million books, TV in my room since I was 7 or 8). But my parents also made me get a job when I was 15. I’m 20 now, in college, and my parents pay for my school and now the rent at my apartment and groceries (cheaper than what they paid for the dorms, but still). My mom still buys me stuff - some clothes (mainly bras, underwear, stuff on sale she thinks is cute and wants to buy me), a ton of shit for my apartment that wasn’t “necessary” (cute things) plus all the necessary stuff. I don’t pay for my cell phone (good thing I’m not one of those girls with 80+ dollar phone bills, mine is cheap and it’s through my mother’s work) and I was given my mom’s old car when I was 17 and I don’t pay insurance. The car is 10 years old (97 Eclipse) but it’s cute and runs, my mechaninc brother sees to that. The money I make goes towards whatever crap I want to buy with it.

So I’m spoiled, especially compared to other people my age who pay for any of the following: tuition, books, rent, car payments/insurance, utilities, groceries, cell phone.

But I have a job to buy what I really want: clothes, camera stuff, beer, cigarettes, gasoline, beer, books, dvds, and other random junk. They will only give me cash if I’m in a hard spot, like my dad gave me 40 bucks when I first got down here this semester and was broke looking for a job (got one now). Other than that, if I want to buy stuff, it’s all on me. Which is why I became a retail slave.

And grandparents’ main purposes are: spoil grandkids, babysit, spoil grandkids. It’s what mine did, though instead of ponies I got dollar store toys and books, candy, etc.

11

Shags, don’t worry about your daughter being spoiled. I’d be more worried about your MIL’s staff at the farm who, despite being experienced in horses and all, sanctioned the purchase of a very ancient nag.

What’s going on THERE??? :confused: