Depression really does suck and so does your history with abusive family members. I agree with those who say you need to find a therapist who can help you with both issues. Thank goodness for finding someone who can really listen to what you are saying. I’m on this merry-go-round myself and sometimes it is darn hard work to put one foot in front of the other.
Be good to yourself. Buy some flowers or a favorite cheese or ice cream. Or buy all three. Buy a book. You deserve it. Go for a walk in the woods. Not a long walk, just maybe find one with benches that let you sit down when you are tired and just breathe and look around. Next day, go for a walk in the sun. I find that even 10 minutes helps. Hugs to you and scritches to your kitties.
I’d like to second this suggestion. Writing is the best self-applied mental health therapy I’ve ever found. Instead of purposeful writing, try stream-of-consciousness writing. At first, you’ll have to force yourself to do it, but after a few days it will be something you enjoy. Make yourself write a few pages (you choose the number, but keep it small), every day. Don’t try to think or plan the writing, just scribble down whatever is going through your mind at that moment (yep, 2 pages of “this is bullshit” is perfectly fine). Then throw the pages away. Don’t re-read them, don’t save them for later, shred them. Because what you wrote doesn’t matter, it’s not the point. I have no idea why, if it’s the act of writing, or the effect of writing on your brain, but this truly helps many people. At worst, you’ve wasted some paper & ink.
I’ve actually done this. It was part of a self help book called The Artist’s Way. It was described as a way of clearing mental clutter. I didn’t keep up with the practice, and I must admit, it didn’t appeal to me. Maybe because I wanted to do focused writing, not unfocused.
But thanks for the suggestion. I could try it again, I suppose. At least I’d be writing something.
I’m sorry you’re going through all this tsuris, and one thing you said stuck out–not wanting to go over and over your past just to get a meaninglessly fluffy affirmation for it. I’m right there with ya, sibling. Turns out though that there are therapists who specialize in trauma (and make no mistake, your situation is simply jam packed with oodles of trauma that’s leaping off the screen) and those therapists tend to be less mealy mouthed and way more solution oriented. I have a friend with a similar trauma background to mine–oldest child, the caretaker, abandonment issues, family drug history, etc.–who found a really good trauma oriented therapist who has been helping him to get a bunch of stuff straight because his method of coping was turning itself inside and expressing as awful GI issues–not pleasant!
Anyway, if you know a therapist they’re all on email lists for local practitioners and can put out the word that you need a trauma oriented therapist who does not mollycoddle and is solution oriented–that way, going into the intake process you can be reasonably sure the therapist has chosen to take you on based on mutual affinity and you don’t have to waste energy interviewing therapists who won’t be a good fit for you.
In the meantime, a goodly number of people I know who struggle with anxiety and depression have had good results with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and there are lots of online resources you can access independently of seeing a therapist. Doesn’t hurt to give it a try. However you decide to proceed, I hope you find the relief and healing you need. Sending you a big hug!
One thing you might want to do is to increase your meaningful interactions with people. It’s easy to feel detached from the world when you don’t have personal relationships. Friendship can sometimes be problematic, so you may want to look into things like volunteer opportunities where you make a significant difference in other people’s lives. It can help you feel more grounded and that you have a purpose in life. For example, be a volunteer advocate for children going through legal issues where you help them navigate the court system. Even if you were down about your own situation, you’d feel good knowing that you made someone else’s life better.
Not too badly, thanks for asking. I’ve decided I’m going to thin out my library because I don’t have enough shelf-space for all my books. So I took five books I can do without with me to work today. Tonight, I will put them in a little book exchange stand I found near a bus stop, and then I will go for my Friday night restaurant outing.
It’s not a lot, but it’s something. Happy Halloween.
I began this kind of writing on the recommendation of a friend, because I hated writing and couldn’t imagine writing pages in one sitting. Since I couldn’t imagine it, I had to try it to see if I could possibly do it and, well, it’s now my goto in tough times. I started with very small pages, but I was soon scribbling out pages and pages, with glee. Clearing mental clutter is a very good description of the effect, which is not what everyone needs.
I would also recommend a book titled “I Can’t Get Over It” by Aphrodite Matsakis. It’s a handbook for PTSD sufferers, and it’s a genuine self-help book (as opposed to the “Cure Your Depression in a Weekend” type of trash), written by a therapist with experience. While PTSD may not be your exact problem (or maybe it is), it offers insight and practical exercises to anyone struggling. And the author’s compassion for those people is compelling.
Cats, I can totally relate with the JW stuff. It is huge and follows you around decade after decade.
I also know what it feels like when Depression is winning.
I hope your little catpanions are working you over extra hard these days with leg loops, murphs, and purrs. And I wish lighter moments for you right now.
About the Witnesses, I feel torn. I don’t hate them, and I’m grateful for the strong moral code I live by. But I do believe they are responsible for my social isolation. Between the sexual harassment in school and the constant hammering on women’s second class status by the JW’s, I had no desire to pursue a romantic relationship. I still don’t. And nobody does the best friends thing past high school, unless there are benefits involved. No thanks.
Hey @Two_Many_Cats2 just another voice in the chorus, letting you know that you’re a valued member of this little community (I’ve always liked your username!) and that we are pulling for you.
I’m in a similar situation (past emotional trauma I can’t seem to get past, currently quite isolated) so I don’t have any pearls of wisdom.
If I did, my own life - and house - wouldn’t be such a mess!
The folks upthread are right, though - do one little nice thing for yourself every day.
P.S. my cats send yours their most polite nose-boops as greeting.
That’s wise. They are just as messed up as the rest of us, possibly more so than some. But no way are you and I second-class citizens. Some women rule the world and some men are jealous.
You are almost right about the best friends thing, but it is always good to have a circle of people you can count on to be there for you and for whom you can be there for when they need it. You don’t need to cultivate a bestie. But there should be people (plural) in your life that you can talk to or who can help you with a project that involves moving heavy furniture. Or who are willing to taste your food experiments. We are a bit remote on the Dope but maybe somebody lives nearby.
I haven’t read through the thread, but I had to say something, because I have been an idiot! I ignored this thread the since it first popped up, because I misread the word “winning” as “whining.” I feel like such a klutz! I need to get my glasses checked, I really do. I wish I had been one of the first people on this thread.
I don’t know if you have improved at all from the day you first posted, but I hope good things for you, and I’m glad you posted something; glad you reached out. Please keep doing so.
