I think my friend is abusing her animals. Please help.

Before I begin, let me tell you that Katie is a really nice person. She is sweet and loyal, kind and generous. But someone, somewhere did not tell her how to treat animals.

This is really funny, because she says she loves animals. And she really means it. She has two cats, a dog, two fishtanks full of fish, and tons of little lizards in glass tanks. All of the time she has outside of work she fills with volunteering with WildCare, who rehabilitate animals. This summer alone she has taken care of birds, bats, and tons of little baby raccoons. She takes them into her home, feeds them and medicates them, and then sends them out into the wild again.

(I have a few issues with what WildCare does, but I don’t want to digress…)

This is the same girl who, when she hit a flying bird, ** stopped ** the car, backed up, got out, and picked the thing up and cried over it. It had a broken neck and she thought she was a monster.

This woman beats her animals. Really.

She doesn’t get mad at them and beat them; she beats them when she’s petting them. She thinks they like it.

Imagine you’ve been locked out of your house, and the only other person who is at home is in the shower. How hard would you hit the door before they would be able to hear it? This is exactly the same way she “pets” her cats and dog. You can hear it when she “pets” them, she strikes them so hard.

I know you can pat a dog as opposed to stroking them, and I know the difference between patting and beating, and this is far on the other side. I wasn’t even aware that you can pat a cat – they are so small and fragile that I didn’t think it was healthy for them to be patted, much less being struck the way she does it.

Katie has always been rough with her older cat. I was with her when she first got the cat, and I saw how she treated it. She roughed it up, beat it, held it down and rubbed it with stuff, and generally treated it like shit even though she kept telling me how much she loved it. And I generally think she does love the cat. Not surprisingly, this cat has some mental issues.

The dog is a gorgeous yellow lab. He belonged to Katie’s husband before they got married, and I think he tolerates Katie because of his owner. Katie will strike this dog so hard on the butt and stomach that the dog winces and whines. Labs are so sweet but I don’t think this dog really even likes her. Katie will pet the dog nicely and then, without warning, strike him. I can even see the dog’s thoughts when Katie starts petting him – will she hit me? Now? Now?

The youngest cat is only half-grown. I was there when she first got him and he was the most loving little kitten in the world. He would follow me around from room to room, writhe on the floor while I petted him, lick my hand, fall asleep on my shoulder, and sleep with me when I stayed the night. I loved that little thing.

I spent the night there last night. It’s been a while since I’ve been over, since I live rather far away. The change in the kitten is dramatic. He will let Katie pet him for a few seconds, then he will get up and walk away before she had a chance to strike him. He hides from her. It made me want to cry.

I petted him, and at first he was really wary of me, then he warmed up and started following me from room to room again, playing with me and letting me pick him up. Katie was a bit upset, I think. She kept saying, “Look at him! He won’t let me near him but he lets you!” I wanted to say – well of course, Katie, you beat him, cat’s don’t like that – but I didn’t.

Don’t get me wrong, I have mentioned it to her before. She came over to my house once, and one of my cute cats snuggled up in her lap (they are very social). She petted it nicely for a minute or two, and then SMACK SMACK SMACK! My cat hissed, which she never does! Katie then hit her again!

I said, “Stop it! Stop doing that to her!”

Katie said, “Stop what?”

I said, “You’re hitting her! Stop it! She thinks you are punishing her!” Then I pushed my cat off Katie’s lap, and my poor cat ran into the other room.

Katie spent the next ten minutes apologizing for hitting my cat. She kept saying that her cats and dog like to be “petted” in that manner. She said she didn’t mean to hurt the cat, that she wasn’t aware that she was hurting the cat, that she would never hurt an animal, and so on.

I know that incident really bugged her, because every time I visit anymore she makes it a point to show me that abusing her cats and dog doesn’t really hurt them. Last night she was thwacking her cat and saying at the same time, “Look, she loves it! (SMACK) I’m not hurting her! (SMACK) If I was hurting her she’d bite me! (SMACK)…”

However, I was watching the cat’s face, and that cat was miserable.

So, this long intro was to get to my question: What can I do about this mess? I would call the animal protection people but she’s friends with most of them. Plus, that would end our friendship, because she thinks it’s a major insult to even mention she might be doing something her animals don’t like. I can’t even tell her that maybe her habit of feeding her cats treats all day is what is making them fat – she gets very upset.

I would try to at least take the youngest cat away, but my cats would be very perturbed, to say the least. I’m actually afraid they might fight. I also think I have enough cats.

My poor brain is fried. I can’t think of any other options. Can anyone else?

Report her to Animal Control. Report her to the police. Report her to PETA. Report her to a veterinarian. Someone. Call some figure in authority. Ask them to talk some sense to her.

She needs to kept far, far away from animals if she’s hitting them and honestly believes they like being hit.

And put yourself in those poor animals’ position for a moment. Wouldn’t you want someone to call for help? It’s not like those animals have the ability to pick up the phone and call someone to get them away from her. She’s sick in the head.

Gee, what would your friend do if someone struck her as hard as she hit those animals and said, “Oh, but you love it! I’m not hurting you, honest!”

Bet she’d be singing a different tune.

The only pets I want to take away from her are the cats. I don’t want to take the dog away because it is really her husband’s dog, and he loves that dog to pieces (and he is a wonderful owner). I want to do this without making her too upset, which is what she would be if I were to call the cops. Besides, what could they do about it? Lock her up? She’s my friend, I don’t want her locked up. I just want her cats taken away.

She has a husband? Surely her husband must be aware of what she does. Have you asked him about it? Has he tried to talk some sense to her about it’s very wrong to hit animals?

That’s so terrible. I cn underdstand how awkward it would be to talk to the woman about it. You say her husband is good with animals - have you spoken to him about this? Do you know if he agrees with you? Maybe the two of you could have a mini-intervention. Something tells me that if you were to breach the subject with this lady by yourself, you’d have a tough time convincing her that you’re not the crazy one.

Suppose you do call the police. Suppose they do lock her up. Wouldn’t that drive home the point into her thick skull that what she’s been doing is very wrong and against the law? She needs to learn that.

This reminds me of cases where some people are aware of little kids being hit by their parents, but they’re too scared to call the police because they don’t want to jeopardize the friendship.

Should have previewed. Err, what LookitMe said.

He knows she is doing it. I don’t think he’s said anything about it yet. I would hate to say something to him about it and then him tell Katie that I want to take her cats away, which could happen. I would like to keep her friendship during this.

This is kind of a bind. I know I sound like I am equivocating. Please believe me that if I could I would take her cats myself. I have tried to think my way through this. I keep getting snagged on the fact that I want to keep her friendship. I really love her two cats, too, but I like her more.

Heck, just print out this page and show it to the authorities, including those Animal Control folks who are her friends. They should be made aware of what’s she’s really like anyway. Have them step in and take care of it.

Maybe I could talk to her husband, though. He is pretty reasonable. Hmmm. That is an idea.

I wish you good luck, for the sake of those poor abused animals. Keep us posted.

I am glad, though, that I am not alone in thinking that she may be abusing them. Her protestations of innocense almost got me thinking that maybe her pets did like it.

Like I said, I just spent the night over there. Every time she hit the dog I felt like slapping her.

She really is a nice person! I don’t know what the problem is!

I have a friend who owns a German Shepard. Sweet dog. Adorable. But I’ll bet if your friend ever tried a stupid stunt like hitting him, that would be the last thing she ever does.

Can you secretly videotape what she does and show it to the authorities? That way it’s not just your word against hers, if it ever came to that.

No need to tell him you’re thinking of having the cats removed. Why don’t you test the waters and ask if he noticed that she hits the animals (better yet, his dog) and whether he thinks that the animals really like it. If he seems to not know where you’re coming from, you’ll have to talk to the woman directly. For the record, I don’t think it’s right to ambush her with PETA out of nowhere, if there’s a chance that the situation might be remedied by talking to her or those close to her.

You’ve got to do something. To hit any animal like that is just awful. To make a sweetie like a lab scared of you…we have a lab mix and a golden retriever. They enjoy rough play. But they do not EVER get hit hard. If she doesn’t know the difference, she should not have animals.

You may want to bookmark this for later:

http://www.psyeta.org/

I once had to tell a friend that if I suspected her boyfriend of abousing their son, I would call CPS. Maybe you friend needs that kind of bluntness to get the point across. If you hurt her feelings that’s to bad but she’s hurting her animals with what she’s doing too.

That’s a very interesting site. I think maybe she does have some psychological issues – it would make sense, because she does tend to hoard animals. I will bookmark it.

Thanks for the link. You are helping me out a lot.