That’s a good question. Actually it’s only the older cat that jumps in her lap, and it doesn’t stay for long. When Katie hits it – and it’s much harder than “just causing noise” like some of the other posters pointed out – it will try to bite her but doesn’t actually bite her. It’s probably learned its lesson.
All I can say is that this cat is very very confused. I said before that it has psychological problems, didn’t I? Well, it’s the most neurotic cat I have ever seen. Very odd behaviorisms.
Like I said in my op, Katie hits them the SAME way you would pound on a door if you were locked out and the only person home was in the shower. I do mean hard. She raises her hand way above her head and puts some muscle in it. It is NOT butt bongo, it is NOT a cupping of the hand. It is NOT a massage. If someone hit me like that I’d punch them!
Not all cats run when threatened. My cat, bless his cute little furry self, is afraid of little kids (ever since our two-year-old niece, who lives with a GIANT loves-to-be-pounded-on dog, got a little rough with him), but he often won’t run when they come around. Sometimes he does, but sometimes he just crouches down and/or looks panicked, at which point I have to rescue him.
Everyone here seems to think that if you can just get your friend to understand what she is doing, she won’t do it anymore e.g. how would she like it if…?
Cruelty to animals is a psychological marker. I have had experience with two people in my life who appeared normal, sweet, caring, but in the end I found out they were only imitating the behavior they had seen around them all their lives and when they acted according to their own desires it was often in a cruel manner. But, they didn’t realize it was cruel, because it didn’t mean anything to them because they had absolutely no ability to empathize with another living thing. These people may change publicly if there are consequences they don’t like from their behavior; but, if there are no consequences, they will continue. Those around them just don’t get that they can’t be appealed to based on human emotion e.g. what is fair, just, kind, etc. because they just don’t understand. They have to be told directly to stop and if they don’t believe they will suffer consequences, they won’t change. In other words, they have to be monitored constantly. They usually are extemely clever charmers and no one would ever suspect there is a problem unless, like you, you witness behavior that to anyone else would be unacceptable. This person feels safe with you because you are afraid to confront her and are still confused about exactly what is going on, which is her modus operandi. That’s another thing: they are usually above average in intelligence. That’s how they are able to imitate normal behavior all their lives and convince others, when they make a mistake, that it can’t possibly be what is before their very eyes. If you were able to look more deeply into this person’s background I’m sure you would find some shocking things. I knew one of these types many years ago, who I thought all these kind things about, until he finally slipped up and told one lie too many. Twenty-five years later I saw his face on TV; he was actually a serial killer and is now on death row. No lie. The problem with confronting them is that sometimes they can actually be dangerous if they can’t convince you that you are the one with the problem. All I can say is that it is a very creepy place to be because their behavior is so confusing (Is she REALLY hurting them?)and we all want to believe that human beings have certain basic feelings and behavior in common. They play on this. Meanwhile the animals suffer and will continue to do so because you are afraid to upset her, which is what she is banking on, believe me. I don’t think there is any solution, sadly. The dog may escape if the husband figures her out and leaves soon enough. These people are vacant inside. Believe it.
What about bringing it up while she’s doing it, as if you’re surprised by it? Like
E: So then I called my mom, and she said I should go to Cancun this winter, but I’m thinking maybe-
Katie: [Thump]
E: [alarmed look, stunned silence] What are you DOING?
Katie: Petting Fluffy. She loves it.
E: Are you kidding? She’s trying to squirm off your lap. You can’t hit cats that hard. [Pick up Fluffy, put her on your own lap] So anyway, I’m thinking maybe I should just go skiing instead, but that might end up being more expensive[petting cat nicely, continuing innocuous conversation]
Let her try to defend herself, and then just laugh it off like, “Girl, you’re crazy. That cat was HATING every second on your lap. Anyway, I’m going over to Sally’s”
I know it sounds totally weenie, but if you have confrontation issues, it might make it easier to slip it in to a regular conversation and quickly jump back to it if you get uncomfortable. It’s not the best way to do it, but it’s better than staying silent.