Back my popular demand! The thread they couldn’t close. The only thread ever to be unlocked.
Ha! Top that Fenris!
I’ll bet they think twice before they try to repress my testicles again.
It’s just too powerful to be stopped.
Friday came and so did I. It was a good thing, because our animals were getting nervous. Fortunately since we moved, I’m close enough to the hospital that I was able to go home with my cup rather than look for a public restroom.
I did my business and brought it in to the nurse. She asked me what time it was collected and I told her.
While she was doing the paperwork, I was looking at the sample in the cup. Right when it’s fresh, it looks like clear liquid with some egg white in it. In the cup now, it had thoroughly mixed so that it was a uniform cloudy white.
I’d never really examined it before. My interest with it generally ends once it’s out, and I tend not to think about it again unless I have to change its diaper, or send it to college or something. So this was kind of new.
I asked the lady if it looked like enough.
“I’ve seen a lot less,” she said.
This was not the answer that I was looking for.
“But, umm that’s enough for the test, isn’t it?”
“Sure.”
“Well is that like the normal amount? Should it be more?” Truth is it doesn’t look like much.
She looks at me with a little exasperation. “You did fine. That’s wonderful. It’s the best I’ve ever seen.”
I get the feeling she’s being sarcastic.
So I leave thinking dour thoughts. First Tubadiva disrepects my reproductive system, now I got clerks belittling me.
The Ob/gyn is my good friend, so I get the results the same day.
I got 30,000,000 sperm per cc with 50% motility.
The doc tells me he shoots for 40,000,000 and 70% (no pun intended.)
“Don’t worry about it,” he says. “Anything over 20,000,000 is normal.”
Unfortunately he says this in the same tone of voice you would expect if he was saying “Don’t worry. Anything over two inches is normal.”
So I’m low normal again.
That night playing tennis I talked to my urologist friend (All my Dr. friends are private parts doctors, ob/gyns, urologists, and such. Go figure.)
He tells me not to worry about it, but to stop wearing tighty whities, don’t take hot baths, and avoid any testicular trauma.
Yes. He really told me to avoid any testicular trauma.
Damn! There goes my Saturday nights with my favorite ball peen hammer. Jeez, I wish I’d a known to avoid testicular trauma, but who’d have thought?
The last time we tried for a number of years and my wife had a dye test, and she got pregnant the following month. Apparently it clears out the pipes or something. We’re going to repeat that in the fall. In the meantime I’m going on the Peter North (He told me that as a joke, Apparently he’s a porn star known as “Two Quarts Peter North,”) diet at the directions of the urologist, and taking this new kind of pill that he calls a “nutricine” or something that’s supposed to help me make sperm, but he doesn’t really think it lives up to the claims.
If that doesn’t work, the Doctor’ll put my wife on Clumid or whatever the hell that thing is.
We’d really like to have another baby. We already have one though, and I’m a happy and content man no matter what happens, becuase of my daughter. I know I’d love another child, but right now the reason I want another is for my daughter. When we’re gone I want her to have a sibling or two. I loved being a married couple without a child for so many years, and I was scared what it would mean to have a kid, what it would do to our marriage.
Being a father has been the greatest experience of my life, and I’d like to do it some more.
Now, I’d like to address something Tuba said.
No, I have no governor on my brain when it comes to this board. I work at a job where I deal with the public, and I’m known about town, and I have a public persona that I maintain for business and for family. I can’t always be what I want to be or say what I want to say in the real world.
I’ve only met one person from this board, and that was during a road race. I’ll have few if any interactions with any of the people on this board, and only my wife knows that I post here.
I like it that way. You guys are all strangers to me, and that gives me a freedom, I haven’t had since I was a kid. Frequently I surprise myself when I see just how fantastic the person I am on this board is. With equal frequency I am shocked when I see just how rotten and mean and crappy I can be.
But through it all, for complete strangers, you guys sure are an excellent group of friends.
Thanks for laughing and sharing, and arguing fiercely with me about things that don’t matter.
Just for the record, I think I have a valid claim as to posessing the mightiest testicles that this board has ever seen.
My exploding testicle blew the lock right off this thread and reopened it. Not even Tubadiva could stop my testicle!
Bow down before it’s power!
30,000,000? Ha! In the final analysis, I only need one.