Same sentiment, different wording. Why? I thought the first one didn’t go through. F–k.
No orgasms this year? How do you live?! Seriously. The longest I’ve gone without is two weeks, and that was during the “fundamentalist christian masturbation is evil” phase of my life. Needless to say, a fortnite of abstinence was torture.
Any other religious denomination of masturbation, however, is perfectly fine.
Fundamentalist Christian masturbation is evil. Honestly. Have you ever dated a fundamentalist Christian? My roommate did, and the guy insisted on saying a Hail Mary after every ugly-bump. Kind of kills the mood there!
Six orgasms a week, and on the seventh night he drank beer.
Poor Syclla, suffering from DSB. Dreaded Sperm Build up. Where’s Pirate when you need him?
Bahhhhhhh
TMI ALERT!!!
…
…
…
Okay now, hmmm…
Six orgasms a week. The average ejaculate (according to this) is about 4cc per. Times six a week. Fifty-two weeks in a year…
That works out to 1248 cc (cubic centimeters) or 1.248 liters or 1.32 quarts (US liquid).
That’s a little over three gallons per decade!
Say a fellow starts at thirteen (I started a bit younger, actually) and I’m thirty now…
5.604674 gallons [US, liquid].
Rock!
You know…::sigh::
maybe it’s better if I just keep my mouth shut on this one 
Probably want to put mittens on, too;)
Back my popular demand! The thread they couldn’t close. The only thread ever to be unlocked.
Ha! Top that Fenris!
I’ll bet they think twice before they try to repress my testicles again.
It’s just too powerful to be stopped.
Friday came and so did I. It was a good thing, because our animals were getting nervous. Fortunately since we moved, I’m close enough to the hospital that I was able to go home with my cup rather than look for a public restroom.
I did my business and brought it in to the nurse. She asked me what time it was collected and I told her.
While she was doing the paperwork, I was looking at the sample in the cup. Right when it’s fresh, it looks like clear liquid with some egg white in it. In the cup now, it had thoroughly mixed so that it was a uniform cloudy white.
I’d never really examined it before. My interest with it generally ends once it’s out, and I tend not to think about it again unless I have to change its diaper, or send it to college or something. So this was kind of new.
I asked the lady if it looked like enough.
“I’ve seen a lot less,” she said.
This was not the answer that I was looking for.
“But, umm that’s enough for the test, isn’t it?”
“Sure.”
“Well is that like the normal amount? Should it be more?” Truth is it doesn’t look like much.
She looks at me with a little exasperation. “You did fine. That’s wonderful. It’s the best I’ve ever seen.”
I get the feeling she’s being sarcastic.
So I leave thinking dour thoughts. First Tubadiva disrepects my reproductive system, now I got clerks belittling me.
The Ob/gyn is my good friend, so I get the results the same day.
I got 30,000,000 sperm per cc with 50% motility.
The doc tells me he shoots for 40,000,000 and 70% (no pun intended.)
“Don’t worry about it,” he says. “Anything over 20,000,000 is normal.”
Unfortunately he says this in the same tone of voice you would expect if he was saying “Don’t worry. Anything over two inches is normal.”
So I’m low normal again.
That night playing tennis I talked to my urologist friend (All my Dr. friends are private parts doctors, ob/gyns, urologists, and such. Go figure.)
He tells me not to worry about it, but to stop wearing tighty whities, don’t take hot baths, and avoid any testicular trauma.
Yes. He really told me to avoid any testicular trauma.
Damn! There goes my Saturday nights with my favorite ball peen hammer. Jeez, I wish I’d a known to avoid testicular trauma, but who’d have thought?
The last time we tried for a number of years and my wife had a dye test, and she got pregnant the following month. Apparently it clears out the pipes or something. We’re going to repeat that in the fall. In the meantime I’m going on the Peter North (He told me that as a joke, Apparently he’s a porn star known as “Two Quarts Peter North,”) diet at the directions of the urologist, and taking this new kind of pill that he calls a “nutricine” or something that’s supposed to help me make sperm, but he doesn’t really think it lives up to the claims.
If that doesn’t work, the Doctor’ll put my wife on Clumid or whatever the hell that thing is.
We’d really like to have another baby. We already have one though, and I’m a happy and content man no matter what happens, becuase of my daughter. I know I’d love another child, but right now the reason I want another is for my daughter. When we’re gone I want her to have a sibling or two. I loved being a married couple without a child for so many years, and I was scared what it would mean to have a kid, what it would do to our marriage.
Being a father has been the greatest experience of my life, and I’d like to do it some more.
Now, I’d like to address something Tuba said.
No, I have no governor on my brain when it comes to this board. I work at a job where I deal with the public, and I’m known about town, and I have a public persona that I maintain for business and for family. I can’t always be what I want to be or say what I want to say in the real world.
I’ve only met one person from this board, and that was during a road race. I’ll have few if any interactions with any of the people on this board, and only my wife knows that I post here.
I like it that way. You guys are all strangers to me, and that gives me a freedom, I haven’t had since I was a kid. Frequently I surprise myself when I see just how fantastic the person I am on this board is. With equal frequency I am shocked when I see just how rotten and mean and crappy I can be.
But through it all, for complete strangers, you guys sure are an excellent group of friends.
Thanks for laughing and sharing, and arguing fiercely with me about things that don’t matter.
Just for the record, I think I have a valid claim as to posessing the mightiest testicles that this board has ever seen.
My exploding testicle blew the lock right off this thread and reopened it. Not even Tubadiva could stop my testicle!
Bow down before it’s power!
30,000,000? Ha! In the final analysis, I only need one.
(still chuckling)
And thus, Scylla reminds us how damn funny he, and his hard working little spermies, are.
“Avoid testicle trauma…” Oh, man that kills me…
This little gem alone justifies re-opening the thread. Cudos, Scylla.
We thank our lucky stars you weren’t constipated.
Isn’t this like complaining that you’ve had 34 arrests…but no convictions, or that teacher only kept you in after school for half as long as she said she would?
:: loftily ::
Since I don’t indulge in toliet humor, my tastes are far, FAR above such things, and since my threads are so incredibly popular I’ve never had a thread closed, so I guess I don’t understand your sense of triumph.
But hey, Congrats anyway!
Fenris
Ball peen hammer. Scylla, I think that’s the hardest you’ve made me laugh since that “doublefuck ratshit pissfuckshit” thing in the Pit the mods made me remove from my sig because “it might offend someone in Great Debates”:)[sub]Not that I really minded or objected or disagreed. Just mentioning:)[/sub]
Mightiest testicles, indeed.
My wife conceived only a month and a half after saying, “Let’s try for a baby”. I don’t think Domino’s can deliver better than that.
Then, again, I managed to impregnate her despite barriers and chemical obsticles.
Apparently, my guys have enviro suits and drilling equipment.
Good luck Scylla, maybe you’re not holding your mouth right…
Perhaps, my friend, but in my book they must also pass the test of adversity. Suffice to say that the keyboard is not necessarily mightier than the scalpel.
Here’s to hoping you never find out what that really means. What are you doing reading this anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be impersonating Peter North?
Good god, you ain’t kidding. Many times I turn on CNN-HL to catch some early morning news and end up having to rub one out. She’s gorgeous.
Damn! He’s already married!
Scylla, I must say, I am impressed. Not just with your testicular might, but with your devotion to wife, child and ball peen hammer.
May I be blessed with such a man (soon? please?).