I think my testicles are going to explode

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

We’ve been trying to have another baby for about a year with no luck.

So, even though I did one over two years ago (some of you will remember the Sperm Count of Doom,) it’s time for me once again to pick up the ole cup and rub one out for the team.

That however doesn’t happen until Friday.

Until then I’m supposed to retain my precious bodily fluids.

The problem is, that all through my marriage my wife has been like my right hand. And, when she’s not around, my right hand has been my wife.

I’m pretty much a six orgasm a week sort of guy, and have been since I was sixteen.

If I deny myself, I get kinda ornery, if you know what I mean.

I’m sitting here at the desk in my office wearing my light summerweight pants, and now I can’t get up!

I guess there’s something to be said about Maria Bartiroma opening the market. Damn those CNBC chicks are hot!

I’m sitting here with a diamond cutter.

The last sperm count I was “low normal,” but I have an excuse, as I had an emmission the night before.

Nevertheless, I can’t allow such an insult to my manhood be repeated, so I’m following directions and saving it all up.

I wonder if that sample glass will be big enough.

I feel myself becoming mean, aggressive, and confrontational. I know it all, and nobody can tell me anything, and anybody that gets in my way better watch out!

All the mellowing out that’s happened with me in the last 15 years is being swept back like a sand castle before the tide, and I’m reverting to a primitive testosterone based life-form.

I feel 18 again!

At this rate I’ll be 12 by the time Friday’s Lunch time comes around (so to speak.)

Stay away from me. I’m going sperm mad!

2

You’d probably swell up like the goodyear blimp if you were like me! I haven’t had an orgasm in… well let’s just say I haven’t had one in 2002 yet.

3

So, sending you copies all that porn spam would be a bad idea right now?

4

Scylla,

I wonder if it would hav a negative effect on your count if you put an ice pack down your shorts.

Might help the near exploding problem though.

5

Might make the race in Harrisburg a little tough…

6

Ya know, Scylla, I enjoy your posts and I look forward to them, but I hope we never meet. After this thread, I don’t think I’d be able to look you in the eyes… :eek:

Is it appropriate to wish you good luck?

7

Scylly Scylla.

Yeesh - six orgasms a week?

I wonder how many my husband has per week… And do I really want to know?

You can make it, dude!

8

Bah. Robin Meade is the hottest and you know it. If it weren’t for her, there would be no reason to watch CNN:HL at all.

Well, maybe the news. :stuck_out_tongue:

Oh, and sorry about your boys. Just keep a stiff upper lip. I know it things like this can be hard on a guy. :wink:

9

Can you reschedule your appointment? After all, it’s an emergency.

10

Why am I reminded of that Married with Children episode where Al had a back injury and was supposed to get a “circular incision” but got a “circumcision” instead. He had to avoid being aroused for a few weeks lest the stitches pop.

11

We really are trying to raise the tone of the board, and this is not helping.

Don’t you have any governor on your brain at all? Is NOTHING too much information?

This thread is closed.

your humble TubaDiva
Administrator

12

Okay, now that this is all kiss-kiss, happy-happy…( [sing-song]“We love you, Tubadiva!” [/sing-song] )

How’d it go, Scylla? Didja make it? Do you get test results immediately, or do you have to wait for them, too? Are you now a very tired man?

13

Even during the part of the year wihout Monday Night Football?

So, how’d the li’l swimmers do? Inquiring Dopers want to know.

14

I’m only ten miles away, Opalcat. I could be there in thirty seconds! :smiley:

15

Hey, Scylla, do the icebag thing. Seriously! Cold is supposed to increase yer sperm count. They say the lower the temperature, the more your testicles produce. Don’t ask where I learned that. :smiley:

But, anyway, ice yer balls, man, ice yer balls.

16

Always better to test your cookies rather than cook your testes.

17

Scylla, someday you are going to have to explain this thread, and its temporary closure for prurience, to your daughter and your yet to be conceived child who is at the root of the matter. It is your duty as a father to embarrass your children.

18

Schwing!!!

That was the gates to this thread swinging back open.

Get your minds out of the gutter!

19

Ohmigod. Too f–king funny. And six orgasms a week, Scylla? Hmmmmm…Oh. Wait. You’re married…damn. :stuck_out_tongue:

20

Ohmigod. Too f–king funny. And six orgasms a week, Scylla? Interesting…

Oh. Wait. You’re married, arent you?

Dammit. :stuck_out_tongue: