I’ve been with my SO for 5 years now… for 4 of those years we have been living together… for 3 of those years we have been having unprotected sex. Yes we have been doing this out of wedlock knowing we will get pregnant and have been fine with this. (please keep the flames for the pit, this is hard enough for me please - I am close to 30 and she is close to 35). IN the 3 years we havent had a single thing… My GF has gone to the OB/GYN and she checked out fine. I recently had a semen analasys and today I found out that I am in the VERY low sperm count ratio and 100% were non-mobile.
I feel fucking sick. I’m never gonna be a daddy. I’ve never ever thought that was going to be a problem… I’ve always known I would be a great dad… even years ago I knew…
now a part of me has died.
all of my life I have felt so useless and not a productive part of anything on this earth. I’ve felt that I have just taken up space and provided nothing of importance. Indeed I am useless in this world. Now my only hope is gone… I’ve thought maybe if I could have children they would be my purpous for life.
NOW thats gone… and my GF of 5 years and who is 35 years old and craving a child before her biological time runs out is not facing an easy decision either.
Forgive me if I am rambleing or not spelling correctly but I have been drinking and I suffer from depression. (with the help of Celexa… which only makes SEX more difficult but now thats no issue!! whooo hoo!) Anyway I am Drunk and I wish that God didn’t hate me like I have been shown all of my life.
I have rambled and I hope to god that the board crashes and this doesnt post cause I will be sooo fucking embarased reading this tomorrow.
I’ve always known I would be a good dad… a part of me has died.