That should be http://www.mytherapy.com
Bullshit. There is NOTHING shameful in seeking help and there is NOTHING in seeking help that suggests being unstable. Many of us just can’t process this kind of information. Talking to someone about it just helps us process that information better.
I was. Anxiety and depression. I’m on Celexa for it. that’s why I’m not running out to a therapist. I know that I have issues. And I know that this is making it worse. I know what my problem is.
I’m Anxious.
and
I’m Depressed.
Anyway, thanks again for the kind, encouraging words. I honestly feel better when I’m by myself than out trying to put on a brave face…that takes a lot of effort, and I’m very tired.
jarbaby
Hi Jarbaby. I’m new, so you don’t know me, but there are a couple of things I wanted to say to you, as well.
You shouldn’t think about it that way, first off. It doesn’t mean you’re unstable, it certainly doesn’t mean you’re childish. It just means that you’ve run up against something that you can’t completely deal with on your own. I think we’ve all been there, for one reason or another. It doesn’t mean you’re ‘mentally ill’, or deranged, etc, ad nauseum. It just means you’re having a tough time adjusting.
**
Probably a good thing to do. Focus on dealing with your problems, and taking care of yourself. But you shouldn’t necessarily try to do so alone. It’s easy to get wrapped up in a feedback loop between you and the T.V. and continue spiraling into fear and depression.
I think we’re all afraid, to an extent. And depressed. And angry. And we’ll all find ways of dealing with it. You’ll get through. Just don’t give up and give in to it.
-Stil
Jess,
Please read these pages:
When Bad Things Happen and Why Do I Feel Like This?
Number one on the list of things to do is “Avoid media coverage of the event. Repeatedly seeing pictures of the disaster and hearing about how frightening it was can seriously slow down your ability to get over the stress of the disaster.” It’s tough, but you’ve got to unplug.
[/QUOTE]
Look, I understand that you’re doing what you instinctively know to do in a crisis: Gather information. Well, you’ve got all the information you need. Knock it off. You’re in a point where you can’t do anything for fear of doing the ‘wrong’ thing, which might get you or someone you love dead. That’s the wrong thing.
As my SSET instructer once pointed out (forcefully, I might add), when in danger, do something, anything, rather than nothing. Hesitation kills. That advice applies to life, too. You can only gather so much information. After that it’s time to act. Sometimes you’ll be wrong, but it’s better to be wrong while doing something, than being wrong while doing nothing. You’re not going to learn anything that is going to help you now. Learning that the stewardess was bound is telling you nothing you didn’t already know: Terrorist are murderous assholes. Wallowing in your fear isn’t learning anything you need to survive, it’s killing you. Get the FUCK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! You’re hesitating, and it’s killing you. MOVE! ON YOUR FEET and AWAY FROM THE ELECTRONICS! I don’t want to see you posting again until tomorrow, when you’ve had some time to go be human for a while, or at least catch up on your sleep.
The fact is, very little new is actually happening. There are stories, they turn out to be spurious. Rescues? Fake. Minor things compared to the enormity of the attack.
I think you have learned enough to protect yourself. The images will always be there for you to come back to. I think that the others have a point. At this time it’s probably better to talk to more people about it than to watch it from the outside.
jarbaby, I can honestly say that as a person who regularly flies for work that I am no more afraid than I ever was to begin with-- which was admittedly quite a bit.
I am simply terribly depressed, and no amount of condolence seems to change my dwindled faith in the course humanity will take. I often felt that world peace was not a pipe dream.
No matter how many hugs and no matter how much solidarity exists, it seems that there will always be those who want to fight, and those who are willing to let them fight. I remain vigilant in my hopes, but my faith in goodwill has certainly taken quite a beating.
Jarbaby,
Not that you know me from anyone, but I’m sorry I didn’t let you know in the other thread that I, too, am scared shitless. My wife is, too.
Everytime I hear the siren of an ambulance or a cop car as I’m walking to work, I cringe. Considering that my walk takes me past a major Boston hospital, that means it happens to and from work everyday. I keep expecting to round the corner and come upon a scene of complete horror. I’m afraid to verbalize this too much to people I know IRL, because it just looks like they’re not as freaked out as I am. Of course, from the outside, maybe I don’t look like I’m freaking out either.
And then there’s the fallout of this whole mess. I’m just convinced that there’s no course we can take that’s gonna solve this. Doing nothing is not an option. Going directly after a specific terrorist and his organization seems like pulling a weed out and leaving the root. Bombing a whole nation makes me sick and scared- sick because of all the innocent people who are the victim of nothing more than their own culture and their leaders’ propaganda; scared because how do we defend ourselves going forward against people that aren’t afraid to die?
And of course, I’ve become almost completely ineffective in my daily life. I can’t stop tuning in to the news. All I’ve been doing is getting up, turning on the TV, sleeping on the train, and surfing the news sites and the SDMB all day at work. Everytime I am cut off from the news, like when I’m on the train, I’m positive that I will have missed some new horrible development.
I can now picture, with very realistic clarity, what it might be like for the early warning system to come on and tell people that a mass evacuation has been ordered. I imagine water shortages, etc.
My stomach has been a constant knot, and I feel like I have in the past when trying to find the right medication for anxiety, but the meds are having adverse effects.
So, what I’m saying is: you are by NO means alone in how you feel.
If you’re interested, I would be glad to chat with you offline anytime- it might help both of us, who knows?
Either way, good luck. We have to get through this somehow.
-j
I’m afraid I don’t know who Cabbage is but I’d like to know his/her motivation for spreading a nonsense rumor like this. (Apologies to Cabbage if this really was reported but for some reason I don’t think it was. Got a cite?) A 747* can crash directly into a nuclear reactor at full speed and not put a scratch on it. So this is one less thing you have to worry about jarbaby.
Oh, and that movie you couldn’t think of was BASEketball. Maybe you should watch it for a good laugh, it might help you relax (and the kid lives, remember? :D)
*For those of you that might not know, a 747 is the largest commercial airplane in the world, much larger than the planes that crashed tuesday. I just say this because on Tuesday I kept hearing “767! That MUST be bigger than a 747!!!”
We all have our unique ways of expressing fear; while yours is debilitating, mine is strangely freeing. And no, I’m not lying, it’s just me.
I automatically begin to see what is beautiful and right with the world; it isn’t forced, it’s my mechanism for coping and I feel very fortunate that my psyche has allowed me to do this.
Lester’s lines in “American Beauty” rang true to me and I’ve saved them for moments such as this:
"LESTER: I guess I could be pretty pissed about what happened to me… but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst…
And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life…
You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure… but don’t worry…
You will someday."
I’m house-sitting in San Jose where the sun is shining and the red-throated hummingbirds at the feeder can reduce me to tears. Yesterday I drove over the Golden Gate Bridge simply because I can and because I refuse to let fear overtake my life. It was sometimes difficult to drive through the fog and the tears.
Please take the advice of those who care about you. Your coping mechanism doesn’t work. This is only the beginning of a long line of crises yet unimagined; you must prepare yourself to deal with them. Listen to those who love you.
I am afraid of the overreaction in this country to this, fear is the enemy. That’s why they are called Terrorists.
I am never afraid for my life unless it is in immediate danger.
I am going back to New York even.
If you allow yourself to be afraid until it’s over you will forever be afraid. It’s never going to be over. Terrorism is from now on a way of life. And I am not afraid because, well, fuck them.
Erek
…and I feel this as well. I feel stupid and pampered and weak that after viewing this on TV, not losing anyone close to me in this disaster, that I’m still in constant panic.
-j
Jarbabyj, the general advice for people experiencing the reaction that you are (a completely natural and normal reaction) is to turn off the TV and do something else for a while.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A23679-2001Sep13.html
what the hell am i missing here? so the flight attendant had her hands bound? does that somehow make it WORSE?!? THEY KILLED HER, EVERYONE ELSE ON THAT PLANE AND 3 OTHERS, AND THOUSANDS MORE!!! these assholes fucking hijacked the goddamn plane! they weren’t having a goddamn sunday school outing!
why is this relavant? (i am also pissed about the fact some people are making such a big deal about the “gay” passenger on flt 93 who stood up to the hijackers. what the fuck does that have to do with it? they are going to use this poor HERO to further some political agenda, i fear. the guy just did what was necessary)
i will shut up now.
jarbabyj, you do not need to have been in warfare, or at ground zero of a bombing, to be suffering from the effects of PTSD. Misinformation like that is what causes so many cases to go untreated. Please don’t sell yourself and your feelings short, and get some professional help.
And that BS about you needing all of this information so you will know what’s going on? Not true. All of this horrible stuff will be available later. You don’t need it now. No, you don’t.
Take it from a woman who has limitless depths of experience with being unable to stop self-destructive behavior- you are hurting yourself, and you don’t deserve it. Talk to someone, turn the TV off and leave the house. Get someone to help you if you can’t do it yourself.
If you are not a member of the investgative team, you do not need up-to-the-minute information about real or false “revelations” in this case. This morning I watched “Teletubbies” with my son instead of the news. I didn’t miss anything, and I felt a little better.
We love you and can’t stand to see you post in such pain. Let us know if anything works.
Jess (if I may use your name), I’ve gotta second Tranquilis and Maeglin here; no real news is coming in anymore. Nothing that’s going to help you. We learned just about everything we needed to know on Tuesday itself. Finding out about the flight attendant didn’t do anything for you except panic you more. Sure, you need to keep informed; I like the idea of an hour in the evening to catch up on the day’s information. That way, all the false stories and rumors have had time to settle down and we get something approximating the truth. Try to cut back. Really. I’m worried for you.
I know you’ve said you’d rather be by yourself than with other people, but if those people are your friends, you don’t need to “put a brave face” on things. You can be yourself, if they’re friends at all. Believe me, if I lived within 200 miles of Chicago, I’d be up there tonight; you need human interaction. We all do.
Another thing I was thinking of over lunch: you were saying that you were afraid to leave in case something happened. Well, something can always happen. In fact, it always could, even before Tuesday. Tuesday’s events don’t increase the probability of tragedy occurring. I realize that doesn’t sound helpful, but you’ve managed to live your life for almost three decades in that situation; you can still do it now.
Reading over this, I realize that some of this (OK, probably all of it) could be construed as being unsympathetic or preachy. Please believe me when I say that it isn’t meant that way; I’m genuinely worried for you. You’re one of my favorite people (even though we’ve never met), and I want you to take care of yourself, mentally as well as physically.
Oh, and go play with your dog; it always cheers me up (and no, that’s not a euphemism).
–Bill
Would Till want you to be scared? 
Do read those Red Cross links posted earlier. It is possible to be psychologically damaged by witnessing terrible events. Don’t immerse yourself in the coverage any longer. Seeing it on TV over and over and over is still seeing it, even though you’re not actually there. If the veterans of Vietnam have a license to feel stress by the fact they witnessed terrible events, then so do you, by virtue of being an American, by the fact of witnessing a terrible, terrible event - one of the worst single acts of violence in history. You’re not being mentally ill, or childish. You’ve been hurt. Now it’s time to step away from the thing that’s hurting you, which is the constant news reports.
It’s OK to live one’s life. Firstly, it is an act of defiance. Secondly, if we don’t live now, when are we going to live? If one were immortal, one could afford to hide away, to put things off.
jarbabyj, I’m scared, too. I don’t want to turn off the news. I live in a city with a lot of factories that can be converted to war machines in a matter of days. I live in an area that could potentially be a target someday.
The day after this happened, everyone in our office received an email from our Risk Management department (not what it sounds like–they’re the department that handles insurance & safety issues). The email reminded each and every employee that we do have an Employee Assistance Program, and to please not hesitate to get counseling if we needed it, in the wake of this tragedy. The email also specifically mentioned Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Counselors are expecting ordinary folk like you, and me, and thousands of others to be hit by PTSD. This is a disorder that doesn’t just affect military folk that have seen combat–it can hit anyone, at any time, following any event that has caused massive trauma and stress in their lives.
Talk to a counselor. Talk to Nym. Talk to me, if you want. I’ve been taking Celexa for a little over a year now.
You’ll live through this, friend. But it’s okay to ask for professional help. Believe me, it’s okay.
They don’t have CNN. Which makes terrorism do a whole lot less.
You could also look at statistics and realise that your more likely to die from a bubble bath than terrorism. So, be afraid of that bubble bath.