So Long Folks - real super long

The Good News is: I finally realized why people use the “On Sabbatical” feature.

The Not So Good News is: I’m going to use it.

It hit me last night as I lay awake wondering why Necros hated me so much, when it’s obvious he doesn’t and I was obviously just reading into something he posted in my food snobbery thread. I tossed and turned about it. A post on a message board. It hit me when I started crying reading the Oprah thread. It hit me when I realized that I still remember Dr. Paprika telling me I’m not cool. You see, as I look back over the past couple of months of me on the SD, it’s been:

Jarbaby sniping and being rude and crabby at people: Acco40, Tretiak, SpaceGhost, LittleTigger, Zenster, MikeG, Ultress, SeaSorburst to name a few.

And then Jarbaby not being able to take it when people feed it right back.

It’s Jarbaby posting a thread about trying to be a good Christian and then posting a pit rant about a total stranger two hours later.

That’s hypocrisy.

I’ve started more pit threads than ever, and then people come in and tell me how great I am at being mean to people. It’s nothing to be proud of that I swear and rant and rave and wish sickness and impalings on people. I’ve been bated in the pit lately, people asking me to rant about something or “waiting for jarbaby to show up”, and I’m tired of it. I guess it’s fun to watch me fly off the handle, but I’m afraid I must inform you that I am not the Pit’s bitch.

I’ve also been brought to realize (honestly Hama, thank you for this) that I post here to feel validated. I post here because people tell me I’m funny and entertaining. People tell me I’m sexy and desirable and great to have around. (people who have never met me, mind you) It’s vanity. I’m just feeding off of it. It’s something I don’t get enough of in real life and so I come to a message board to get it. But what do I give back? Nothing. I’ve never been able to answer a General Question, never Settled A Great Debate, never Debunked a Myth. I’m just hear with ill formed opinion and one liners about sex. It’s ridiculous. Then I go to Dopefests and people quite literaly get mad if I’m not wearing pigtails, or not showing cleavage. It’s like if I wanted to wear jeans and a sweatshirt, I couldn’t. I did all this back in college and I’m not sure I want to go through it again.

I care a lot about what people think of me. And I know that’s not good. I shouldn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks of me. But I do. And I think that this problem has contributed a thousandfold to my depression and anxiety. I worry more about what people on the Straight Dope think about me than anyone else. Because I can’t show you the real Jessica on the Straight Dope, I can only type jarbabyisms. I come here and beg for sympathy when my back hurts or I’m scared of terrorism, as if you owe me sympathy. As if my fear or pain is more important than yours.

I’ve stopped writing. Part of that is depression, part of it is busy holidays and part of it is SDMB obsession. Something in my head says “well if 10 people like my Cocky Possum story I don’t really need to publish a novel”. I get on my computer to write books and end up talking about blow jobs in chat.

And while we’re at it, I’m tired of incessant flirting. I know, I know. This is more hypocrisy, based on my pursuit of Coldfire alone. But I’m tired of going into threads of ANY forum and ANY topic and having it turn into someone making a sexual commentary to me regardless of what I’m talking about. Flirting works sometimes (Like my Want Ad thread, which now makes me sick) and doesn’t work other times (like in Great Debates) Believe it or not, I am a relatively smart person and I do know a thing or two about stuff (you just haven’t asked about the right things:)) I go into chat, and saying “I’m going to Walgreens for pecans” results in three guys offering me “their nuts”. It’s tiresome. And I notice other people getting frustrated with it.

And finally: My husband and I got in a tiff today about me going to a Dopefest. That’s ridiculous. IT’S RIDICULOUS. I have to stop. And if I don’t have my privileges revoked, I won’t. Because I spend too much time here every day.

And I spend that time because I’ve made so many great friends on this board. Real life friends, internet friends. I’ve met people from other countries. Coldfire helped me with my book, Magdalene took me to happy hour, MikeG introduced me to ChiDopers, Milossarian let me in the Fantasy league.

This Board makes me happy. It’s helped me through a lot of crazy shit that you all shouldn’t have had to listen to.

But lately it’s made me sad, and I’ve made other people sad with my inane ramblings, and the world is sad enough already.

Maybe will Christmas will help me sort things out. Maybe I need to up the dosage. Maybe I have no idea what I’m talking about. Maybe I’ll be back in a week or two. But I do know that right now I need a break. Pronto. It’s ruining my real life.

So carry on. I’ll miss you. Send me email if you’d like. I hope I’ll be back soon.

Get your head, and your life. together, jarbabyj. Take care, and come back and “see” us.

Jarbabyj–we haven’t ever really talked, but I’ve always (ok, almost always) enjoyed your threads and replies around here. I wish you well and hope you find what you are looking for.
Good luck. I hope to see you back soon–happier, healthier, and raring to go. Now stop reading this and go write a chapter or two, dammit!

Horse Shit. That’s all i have to say. I’m bored outta my gourd all day at work, I find this site and its pretty entertaining. People who like to bullshit on an intellectual level, but at the same time not to combative compared to other message boards. Here we have one of the SDMB members I have come to recognize frequently, and whose posts I enjoy, is like, “oh I’ve got to go and piss off now.” Well, I guess it’s to favor reality rather than cyber-world, good for you!!!

Well, Jess, you know you’ve got a lot of admirers here, and some people (me included) consider you a friend. If you need us for anything, let us know.


I don’t really think you’re actually Jar-Jar Binks, baby.

I hope to see you soon.

Did anyone notice that Jarbaby has made over 3,000 posts in a year? Nice job! I can see why you need the breather.

It is better to take a break sometimes. I wish you a happy holiday season, Jessica, and look forward to reading you again when you’ve restored your equilibrium. Thanks for explaining your reasons; I shall miss you.

dont let the bastids grind ya down Jar.

Find out where your head is at, listen to some Rammstein, write your book, and get on with things.

The Board will still be here.

Take care,

Take all the time you need. Think, cry, laugh, live, have fun but please come back to us one day. As a lurker, you have always been one of my favorite posters.

Take care, see you soon.

Holy flurkin’ Schmidt… this makes the baby lieu cry.

You know how I feel, jar. Hell, you’re the one that brought me here. I dig your dirt in a huge way and will look forward to seeing your smiling cyber face once again.

Till then… Linderman.

Well, let’s not make it super long, okay?

Breathers can be good.

I too get tired, frustrated even, by the flirting. It’s not just that I’m generally an curmudgeonly old hag, but it’s also because after some point (a point that is hard to define exactly–I just know when it’s been crossed for me) it turns the SDMB into something else in my eyes. I guess it’s like you (and Hama) said–it seems more like a vehicle for validation for some people. I like to be entertained, informed, amazed by the skill and wit of people from all over the world. And I like to share incredibly stupid tidbits about my life, too, for unknown reasons. But it’s the former that is what I adore about these boards. When it became evident to me that for some people, it wouldn’t be the same place if they couldn’t fish for compliments, attract admirers, and flirt a lot… well, I dunno, it just made me feel differently about it. Sometimes I almost wish we were gender-neutral here.

But jarbaby, you might consider that the board is not just what you’re feeling right now. Read Sophie’s thread about taking in the two kids, or the thread about evilbeth (which I know you’ve posted to) or bobkitty’s thread about her diagnosis. This board is also about Dopers giving solid support to people who need it. It has been what keeps me around even when I get all persnickety and snarky about the goggly-eyes some people make.

Take a break if you need to, but please come back. We need you around. I’d enjoy this place far less without you.

Bye for now, Jess. Take good care of you and Mr. Jar. We’ll be waiting for you to come back.

If, however, you don’t show at the ChiDope I am actually going to make it to, I’ll be very sad, and take Till for my very own. Dammit.

Hey jarbaby.

I know we’ve never talked before, that’s mostly 'cause I lurk more than post. I kinda feel like I’ve gotten to know you a bit though we’ve never chatted (yeah, I feel like a stalker). As a result, I do feel deep sadness about your decision.

While, of course, I want you to do what’s best for you, and I’m mostly sure that you know what is a whole lot better than I do, as it’s trule that no one can accurately portray themself on a message board. And so I say this with as much care as I can:

Do you really think leaving will help you? Though you may not post the Pit threads anymore, do you think that’ll make the feelings go away? Do you think that not making up creative swear-words is going to diminish your ability and want to do so?

If this is an issue of the SDMB taking up too much of your time, then I can understand how leaving would help. But if your issues are being a good Christian, needing affirmation, flirting etc., I would think the best way to heal yourself is by working at it. Instead of flaming someone, taking a second to sit and put yourself in their position.

I don’t even know why I’m shooting off my mouth like this, or rambling so much. I’m sure my opinion doesn’t mean much to you, and you know what best to do. Good luck in your endeavors, and know that there are a lot of people here who really care.

jar, if you ever get around to publishing that novel, and the novel’s anything like your posts, I’ll be at the head of the line to pick it up. I know you don’t need the affirmation of knowing that, but I wanted to point it out :wink: Hope you enjoy the holidays. Definately going to miss those Hot as Liquid Fuck™ posts.

(speaking of which, I personally am spending too darn much time here as well. Maybe all the interesting posters should take sabbaticals, so I can get some damn work done!)

God bless, jarbabyj, and come back when you can. The place won’t be the same without you.

jessica (because that’s who wrote the post, that’s why), take care of yourself and be well.

If (when I hope, but what do I know) you come back, maybe jarbabyj can take a powder and you can be you. It might work. It might not. Do what’s good for you.

We’ll wait.
Yer pal,

E-mail me anytime- I truly understand what you’re writing about and would be glad to talk about it if you want. Stay in touch, and please don’t get down on yourself. This is a phase (the crazy board/chat thing) that MANY of us have been through.

drop me a line if you want- I’d love to talk.
ICQ 7133407


Take care of yourself Jarbaby… Don’t be gone too long.


Jessica, you’re a great entertainer. Take your time finding that necessary balance. We’ll miss you.