I want to know if im overreacting on being upset about this situation or not with my girlfriend.

In My Humble Opinion
1

This is going to be long so be ready to read. lol
(Also, this is a long distance relationship. i live in dallas and her in okc.)

So last week my gf met this guy at her new church that she just started going to. I always encourage her to make new friends and things like that so i said ok. Thats awesome. Now she made some other friends there as well.

Well, a couple of days ago, he invited her to a OKC MEMPHIS playoff game party he was throwing at his house. She then asked me if she should go or not. I of course told her to go. Sounds like it could be fun, and i want her to make more friends. Seeing that she currently doesnt have too much in OKC due to her being there only 9 months now. She then says that she is 80% sure she probably wont go. I told her thats ultimately her decision, but i recommended that she went. She said she would think about it. This is when i told her that if she was going to go, to verify if there were going to be girls at this party or not because i would not be comfortable with her being the only girl there with a bunch of guys. She said ok.

A couple hours later, she said she wanted ice cream so she was going out to cold stone for some ice cream. She told me on her way that she was not going to this party. Well, 20 minutes later, she tells me that she is going to go to the party because she confirmed that there was going to be girls there. After that i don’t hear from her for a bit. Then she tells me she got lost on her way there and so needed her gps and that she was low in battery when she got there. I looked at the time and the OKC MEMPHIS game just finished by the time she got there. She then tells me she needs to charge her phone. And i dont hear from her for 1 1/2 hours. (This girls texts me all day everyday) When she texts me back, she tells me that there are 5 guys and 2 girls at this party. And that she is having a much better time then she thought she would. I said ok thats great! I ask her what they are doing and she said watching the california game. Which is im assuming the LAC and GS playoff game cuz it was going on at that time. After this update i dont really hear from her again. Next time i talk to her, she calls me and tells me she is staying over the guys house with all the other people because they played beer pong and she drank. That automatically upset me because she just met this guy last week and she was staying over his house? Now regardless of upset or not, i told her fine because thats better than her drinking and driving.

Next morning she messages me when she wakes up 3 hours before her church starts. So i asked her when she was planning to go home. (Im assuming to take a shower and change clothes for church right?) She then tells me she isnt, she is just going to go to church straight from there with the other people. Already being upset that she stayed over last night, this made me a bit more upset. She then said she was so tired, and that she was planning to go sleep right after church service. She just met this guy last week and these people yesterday and it feels like she is so comfortable with them already… But regardless i was like whatever. Well, I was really tired and grumpy at work because of all this (I had actually not slept from getting upset) and an incident occurred at my job that made me more emotionally upset and just pretty much ruined my day. I tell this to my gf, i said that i was having a bad day(told her what happened at work) and that im really tired from not sleeping and im going to sleep right after work to try and feel better. Now honestly, i was hoping that she would call me at least after i got off work to maybe help me feel a bit better before i hit the bed. LOL. Well nope. I message her when i got off work and that im planning to hit the bed. And she tells me ok, good night. Im still hanging out with the people from yesterday and that her battery was 1%. Then bam, she disappears for 4-5 hours…

4-5 hours later she messages me that she just got to the guys house again and so she finally was able to charge her phone. And that now they are watching a movie at his house. Lol, well after this. Now i got SUPER UPSET and told her straight up that i was really upset. She just spent 24 hours with the guy and his friends that she JUST MET. After knowing that i was upset, she asked me if i wanted her to leave. I told her that she is a grown women, and that the choice was up to her not me. Lol, well… her decision was to stay. haha. Obviously at this point with everything that has gone on, i was just super upset. She finally got home after maybe an hour with that conversation and we talked on the phone. Lol, well apparently she was now upset. She asked me why i kept mentioning hanging out with the guy when there was other people too. I said that the guy is the original person that invited her so naturally im going to bring him up. She then gives me this, well i can get close with somebody, doesnt matter whether they are a girl or guy, and it doesnt matter whether she met them for a week month or year. She said it was just her personality. I clearly let her know, i wasnt upset that she went to the party and hung out with them. It was her choices during and after. I honestly dont think a bf out there would like their gf hanging out with a guy and his friends that she JUST MET for 24 hours straight. I mentioned to her why she didnt try to help me feel better after work by calling me. She said she thought i was just tired and needed some sleep from not sleeping.

Well, this is where i currently am at right now. Im pretty sure she is still upset at me seeing that she isnt messaging me as much and when she does, her texts dont seem happy like they usually are.

QUESTION::: I just want to know, after reading all this. Am i maybe just overreacting and should just suck it up? Or am i in the right about this for being really upset? And also, does my gf have any right to be upset at me as well?

2

Honestly, that would make me uncomfortable… me or my wife (of 17 years) would never put each other in that state. If you’re serious about a relationship you just avoid anything that can have the appearance of making the other upset, even if it’s completely innocent.

I never understand how these long distance relationships ever work.

3

You guys sound really young and way too involved in the minute details of your everyday lives. I really think the only way long distance relationships work is if there is a plan in place to be in the same place soon. Otherwise, what’s the point? You will both be miserable over petty things all the time before you inevitably break up.

4

Um, that doesn’t sound like healthy advice.

5

You’re over-reacting in the sense that she’s just your girlfriend and you can find another girl. But you might need to. This happens to every long distance relationship. You’ll either work it out with this girl or not. Over-reacting won’t help.

6

You didn’t say how long you’ve been in this relationship, and if you’ve ever been in the same location. Generally, long distance relationships aren’t worth the effort. Being in different states is reason enough to say “good luck and stay in touch.” However, if you have a more solid base in the past and plans to be together, then, perhaps, it’s worth trying to sort through some ground rules that everyone is comfortable wtih.

7

We have been together only a couple of months, and we have seen each other for a few days about every week or 2. And Its a 2-3 hour drive.

8

Either you trust her or you don’t. That isn’t to say that this sort of scenario wouldn’t make me nervous, but ultimately you have to assume that she isn’t going to cheat on you or assume that she is.

9

She woke up at the guy’s house after being too drunk to drive and went straight to church in the same clothes she was wearing the night before? I’m not a churchgoer, but aren’t you supposed to, like, dress up or something?

10

I actually know she isnt going to cheat on me. Its just that she just met this guy and she was with him for 24 hours. I have no idea what his intentions are. I dont know if his dangerous or if his looking for a gf with a bf or what. On top of that, i think hanging out with a guy u just met for 24 with no break in between is just retarded regardless of trust or not. It might send the guy a false message or whatever.

11

Doesn’t get much more rock-solid than that, randomguest101. Years from now you’ll be telling your grandkids about this thread and having a great laugh.

Have you picked out rings yet?

12

Maybe, but that’s his (and her) problem, not yours.

13

Unless the guy is in a relationship himself, there is no doubt about what his intentions are. If you have no fear about your gf cheating on you, then none of the rest of this matters. Take a step back and let her live her life and enjoy the time you have when you’re together. You’ve been together only a couple of months and see each other every week or two. I’d give her as much “space” as she wants and needs when you’re apart. You’ll both have a lot less stress and anxiety if you lighten up about where she is and what she’s doing at all times.

14

If it does become a problem… Then it does become my problem no? Seeing that she is my GF right?

15

I’m not clear on why it isn’t healthy? OP aside since we don’t have more details,it just means you don’t get into situations that look questionable. If you’re going out with a male/female friend or to their house you tell your spouse beforehand, ask if they’d like to come along. You’re just making clear nothing is going on.

What you don’t do is say oh I met this old friend from high school last week, we went to his house and watched movies.

Anyway to the OP I’d say long distance relationships can work if you both really click and you have a solid plan for meeting/being together in person. Otherwise yea there isn’t much point.

16

If you mean he makes inappropriate advances, then yes it’s your problem. If you mean he asks her out and she says no, not really.

17

Nah. Churches come with all sorts of different dress codes.

18

OK, so weekend house parties were really not that unusual when I was in my 20’s. It’s normal in some social groups. I haven’t done it for years, but I still keep new toothbrushes, misc toiletries, even comfortable easy clothing in various sizes on hand in case a friend stays over at some point.

These days it would more likely be somebody who was in crisis, but in the past it might just as easily have been caused by a spontaneous VHS Star Wars marathon. Or a bunch of musicians who got to jamming and didn’t notice until we were dangerously sleepy. This in a group that didn’t ever drink or do drugs. Add alcohol and it might have been a weekly occurrence. Many a weekend we’d pack up in the middle of eating a pizza and take off to one friend’s cabin out in Gainesville.

I mean, that’s the whole point of being young and unencumbered. When you’re married with kids you won’t get to do things like that anymore.

Dude, you’re not married. Observe, get to know her by her actions, and then decide whether this person has the same values and priorities that you do. That’s what dating is all about.

19

randomguest101, just out of curiosity, how old are the two of you?

As someone who did a long distance relationship (I was in Dallas and he was in central Oklahoma) for a semester while my ex was finishing up college, let me just tell you that if there’s no “end game” in sight where the two of you will be together, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship. Dallas is a big city. There are a lot of fish in the sea. Hit up McKinney Avenue on the weekend.

20

Especially times 20 in a LDR your chances of not getting your feelings hurt are much greater if you telling your girlfriend what you are feeling and not make her guess and resent it when she gets it wrong. This knowing she is a person to who will do things even though that’s not what you would prefer.

Yes, yes and spending time building a case for why she has no right to be upset while you do is the shortcut to break up. Spend the time communicating (which you two did not do despite however many text messages) and trying to understand each other’s position.