I want valentines candy damnit!

sings “I-I-I-I-I want CANDY!!!”
Pretty pathetic to buy yourself holiday candy right?? I feel like everyone will be pointing and laughing if I buy those luscious delectables for myself. But I’m a guy… nobody will know its not for my fantasy love Meg Ryan right?

Why are you all starring at me??? I buy candy and K-Y all the time!!!

covers his head with his hands


cowers in a corner, fetal position
All I wanted was some candy… and look what you did to me.

Bastards. All of you.

Oh I dunno. Sold a dozen beautiful scarlet roses to a handsome guy this evening. He proudly told me they were for his dog…I laughed…buy the candy and flirt your ass while you do it…ya might get a St Paddy’s date out of it. Just a thought.

(I don’t think the people at the store will KNOW you’re buying candy for yourself)