This man is a genius!
Like Zsofia said, so long as it’s part “of the process”, it’s okay. But I’m saying a majority of those 50-75% pursue women as their main objective. Which comes off as creepy/desperate.
ETA: wolf, I’ll be in your harem!
I had a harem but I accidentally the whole thing.
Harem? I hardly knew him!
No, you’re not.
The OP should chalk this one up to experience and move on, assuming his identifying information has not been sent to all regional hiking groups as a Stalker And Likely Serial Killer.
Besides, word is that hiking groups are a poor social vehicle. You meet the really hot women as a hospice volunteer.
The main lesson from all of this is that if someone thinks you might be creepy, comparing your behaviour to that of Tom Cruise will not help your case.
Next time you find yourself attracted to a human female*, I think that (regardless of good intentions) a quick “is this the same thing that someone who WAS creepy would do?” check wouldn’t go astray.
*blame matt_mcl for my only being able to picture you as Ferengi
This is an important point.
I think the Meetup moderator was correct to slap the OP down and point out the unacceptability of his question, but I think he went too far in kicking him out. Of course, since the mod presumably told the woman all about the OP–a mistake if there ever was one–he had no choice but to ban the guy.
Tom Hanks is irrelevant to this. A celebrity of his stature wouldn’t join a Meetup group, and doesn’t face the tribulations of the typical male in dating and pairing up.
I don’t know if Tom Hanks would appreciate having his creepiness level compared to Tom Cruise’s!
I would bet that there are more than one or two people in this wicked old world who joined a hospice volunteer program for the occasional motherlode access to narcotics.
Consider also the vibe that a woman gets like she’s a item listed in a catalogue for guys to peruse and then call up the vendor to order.
I don’t think anyone’s begrudging people who join groups in hopes of meeting ‘that special someone.’ Hell, 99% of advice columns recommend doing just this when you’ve had no luck with traditional dating, being set up, online profiles, etc. But you’ve got to go about it like a regular human being, and that includes acknowledging that not everyone is treating the group like a singles event, being satisfied with the activity and friendship if no romance blooms, and not coming across like a creep before you have even taken part.
Dopers have provided lots of good advice in this thread that would work for any meetup group, but as Telemark pointed out, hiking is an interesting case in that it’s easier to find yourself alone with someone else (IME) than during, say, a co-ed softball game.
And yes, if you are interested in someone (the OP never did say what he was going to do with her information), letting them know that you only care about their looks is not a great start. Even if it’s the truth, even if you’d change your mind over a bad (or creepy!) personality, even if you think it’s the case for all relationships ever – you’ve got to at least pretend to play the game.
‘Female’ is creepy when it’s used as a synonym for guy or man. It’s used a lot by lame dating advice sites and books where women are positioned as another species or pets.
While I can’t unreservedly defend the OP’s having sought information about the woman, he would have met the woman eventually, IRL, by participating on hikes. Given this supposition, I can’t look at it in quite the same light as a classic “internet creep” who joins communities on false pretenses. Moreover, my (possibly erroneous) understanding was that one of the objectives of Meetup is to provide a venue in which to make friends IRL, because many adults find this extremely difficult once they’re out of university and are no longer surrounded by their peers. I do understand that this is supposed to mean merely friends, and that they are not a matching service, but I don’t think it was banworthy to ask the question. Just inappropriate, because of the impression it could give.
If I were the woman I’d be looking for another hiking club as well, because the moderator, in handling the situation so clumsily, told her all about it. I can’t imagine she’ll ever feel truly comfortable there, anymore.
No, probably not. A mistake on my part–please accept my apologies, Mr. Hanks, if you read this.
Cast Meg Ryan and we may have a hit on our hands.
This is exactly what I thought when I read the OP.
I’m sure they use pictures to show a variety of people in their group. “We’ve got older folks, younger folks, in shape folks, not so in shape folks, women, men, we have it all!” and not “Look at our cuts of meat and decide which one you’d most enjoy!”
Wanting to meet someone for a possible romance? Perfectly normal. Not waiting until you actually MEET her an interact with her while on the hikes? Ick.
If you look at the OP, he didn’t get banned for asking the question: he got banned for asking the question and then refusing to take no for an answer.
HEL-OOO! She has a PHOTO of her on the INTERNETS!
Of COURSE she has a stalker! Doubly so if she doesn’t have any hair growing out of any moles on her face!
(Triply so if the picture is of a duckface)
IMHO, Both parties are in bad form and should move on, it’s not like there aren’t nearly 7 billion OTHER people on the planet.
I know you didn’t mean to be all creepy and I’m glad you recognize how it came off that way. But dayum. What were you planning on doing with her name? Were you planning on going to the hike, picking her out of the crowd, and bedazzling her with her name? Going up to her would be weird enough, but greeting her by name too? I would have hiked away back to my car and zoomed off!
I’m not a guy and don’t know how it is to be a guy. But is the libidinal urge that powerful?
Now you know how to play it cool. Next time, don’t even look at the people’s pics. Just join the group and go to the meet-up. Let whatever happens happens. That’s what makes meet-ups different than online dating. People go to them because they want things to unfold as naturally as possible.
I’m with those who are curious as to why the OP was so curious about her name. That more than anything else is probably why the organizer thought the OP was an immigrant from Creepy Town. It’s just a weird thing for ask.
It has just occurred to me that there is no good reason to attach a picture to your profile at the hiking group website. Why does the hiking group encourage people to do this? Come to think of it, why does meetup even have the ability to host pictures on members’ profiles? What you look like is totally irrelevant to hiking, knitting, being a sports fan, or any other meetup group interest you’d care to name.